For everyone else Christmas is fun
for me it only brings up bad memories
of when I was a child and learned
for the first time to fight the enemy

It doesn’t bring joy, I don’t like to sing
I dread making cookies and all other things
I wish I had something to hold on to
but I hate Christmas and all that it brings

So nix all the caroling and please
get rid of all those sparkling lights
push Santa down the chimney
I need some silent nights

Standing at the edge of the sea
she dreamed one day to be free

Free like the moon beaming above
flying high as if a dove

Doves of love is all she wants
but memories still they haunt

Haunting her she’s been mistrewn
instead she stares at the silver moon

Moon of Wonder and freedom
beneath it her wings will blossom

Blossom now she can be free
and fly above the peaceful sea

Another lonely day at home
head telling me no one cares
feeling so empty inside
sending out SOS flares

I could take this blade
and take it to my skin
escape, but short-lived
letting the monster win

A noose around my neck
would end all my worries
things my head tells me
to get done in a hurry

So I take out my trusty journal
writing another poem that’s sad
relief comes, at least a little
but anything now will make me glad

Goodbye ****** high
I’ve gotten rid of you
flushed down the toilet
now I’m feeling *******

There’s one left at the bottom
white pill just sitting there
and it’s laughing at me
with it’s mocking stare

I know why I did it
my reasons were just
keeping my sobriety
is a #1 must

So why am I sad
what’s this anger I feel
where can I go
to file my appeal?

Give another flush
the **** thing won’t go down
tried to rid myself of temptation
now I watch it drown

I don’t regret my actions
just wish they were all gone
is this life’s way
of telling me I was wrong?

Temptation staring me in the face
little white pills begging to be ate
dancing around in my head
wondering if I’ll take the bait

Alcohol in solid form
addicted to escaping the world
if I took them guilt would come
nothing to take back, even if I hurled

Still so tempting to have a bite
to get rid of them seems such a waste
if I do I know one thing
this test I will have aced

So just stay strong and stay away
get rid of dancing pills in my head
flush them down and you’ll see
my sobriety is not dead

I’m terrified of who I’ll be
if I just let go and set my feelings free
who am I without this hurt
will this be for nothing, all the effort I exert?

I’m so scared to be happy, never been here before
love was always hiding behind closed doors
now I push it away, trying to protect myself
remembering the little girl that’s sitting on my shelf

I’m afraid to try and move forward
thoughts of happiness are too absurd
find comfort in my familiar pain
tied down to it as if by a chain

I’m fearful that once I do let go
and just let all my feelings show
the good will leave and love’ll be lost
surely a line somewhere I’ve crossed