Beauty.
The standard goal.
Society kills me.
They tell you to “be yourself, you’re beautiful”
Judge you for it,
Then encourage you to do it again.
Who are they to decide?
In fact, who decided the status quo,
What determines true beauty?
They say everyone’s beautiful in their own way,
But that’s just the appetizer.
The main course is the “fact” that everyone’s different,.
And in order to achieve the standard level of “perfect”,
“Buy this item! It’ll make you more perfect, I swear!”
“Wear these clothes, it’ll complement the parts of your body we’ve defined as
‘Attractive’!”
“Do these workouts, it’ll give you a flatter stomach, tighter abs, a sexier beach body!”
The fact that they took our weak spot,
Perfection
And dangled the idea,
The possibility in front of us
To sell their products
To keep us coming back, to make money
Because, let’s be real, money’s everything.
They convince us that we can achieve something that doesn't exist,
But we want it to,
We hope for it,
Because….what?
Looks are everything?
No.
In 80 years, we’ll all look old and weird, so what’s the point?
Look good everyday,
Hope someone finds you attractive,
Potentially fall in “love” with somebody who only desires your looks?
If that’s your goal, *** you've got your priorities mixed up
Life’s not gonna care whether you’re
Attractive,
Ugly,
Skinny,
Thick,
Short,
Tall,
Smart,
Stupid,
Or the greatest person alive.
It’s gonna knock you down no matter what,
And in 120 years, we’ll all be dead anyway.
Why waste your time hoping to accomplish a false reality,
So you can live your years in luxury,
Rather than just being thankful and happy?
Don’t spend your time trying to get to what you don’t even want,
But have been programmed to accept.
Re-program yourself.
***** the system.
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 9:14 PM UTC
One
I hate myself.
Two
I'm scared to sleep at night because whenever I close my eyes it's as if the ruthless words of hatred and disgust that you throw at me relentlessly replay over and over in my head as if it was a broken record perched on the top of a dusty shelf that isn't within a reachable distance.
Three
I don't know who I am anymore. I lost her somewhere within this sea of sadness I plunged myself into.
Four
Fat, Ugly, Worthless. Fat, Ugly, Worthless. Fat, Ugly, Worthless. These are the words that taunt me everyday and latch onto me like a bloodthirsty leech that just found a new piece of flesh to feed off of.
Five
Whenever somebody tells me to be who I am and that they won't judge. I laugh. I laugh because being who I am is just a distant memory. I cant be who I am because I lost when I skipped my first meal. I lost who I was when I learned what it felt like to genuinely hate myself. I lost myself when I learned how to numb myself so that I feel nothing at all. Now here I am in present time, curled up in a ball of my own self pity, crying out all the feelings I wish I had.
Six
Somedays, I wish I could find the me that loves me, but I can't because the horrid words that you uttered to me stabbed her over and over again relentlessly and when you finally walked away, she stood there bleeding out all the love and trust she used to have.
Seven
I hate telling people how I really feel because they take it as a yearning for attention, not a cry for help. I hate telling people how I feel because they would treat me as if I was a problem and not a human.
Eight
I just wish that someone would paint on me as if I were a blank canvas and turn me into something magnificent because I am tired of continuously painting
myself in hopes that my tear-stained cheeks, lifeless eyes, and pain will turn me into the beautiful girl society expects me to be.
Nine
I just wish I was normal.
-b.c.
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 12:38 PM UTC
Don't you dare tell me I am beautiful.
Until you have seen my scars...
That are craved into my body,
and the blood that pours out of my soul..
Don't you dare tell me I am lovely,
until I completely shut you out of my life..
Because I swore to myself,
you are just like the others and you will get sick of me.....
Don't you dare tell me I am flawless,
until you have seen me break down in tears..
I will show you the darkness that's inside me that's consumes me,
and you will run away form me...
But if you,
have seen my scars,
my bitterness,
and darkness...
Then I might believe you....
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 12:28 PM UTC
I believe there's secrets hidden amongst our stars.
They're dying to tell us..
You just have to listen...
but listen you must with an open heart
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 12:27 PM UTC
I used think
Of suicide
All the time
How
When
Where
But really,
Suicide
Sounds like a lot
Of work
What I really wish
Is that death
Would just take me
And I wouldn't have to come
To it
That I would fall from great heights
But not on purpose
That a bear would eat me
Without prompting
That water would take me
Without my help
That I would just die
But not on purpose
Or even better
But truly impossible,
I wish I had never been born
That I had never disgraced
This world
With my presence
That I never
Met you
So you wouldn't have to pretend
To be my friend
That I never
Forced my
Ugly words
On people
I honestly wish I had never been born
So no,
I do not
Want to commit suicide
But yes,
I do want to die
Or have never been alive
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 10:48 PM UTC
a thorn of a broken rose
dug into my skin and i suddenly froze.
the crimson drips down my icy arm,
why is it that beauty can cause such harm?
stained with blood i blossom with the same hues as the rose,
to expose my hurt and represent a flower so beautiful is juxtaposed.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 9:32 PM UTC
Truth or dare?
You said you didn’t care.
My eyes met yours,
and I witnessed firsthand, those dimples I adore.
Nobody’s perfect,
but I found no obvious defect.
There was something about you,
overwhelming, passionate, and all-consuming too.
I lost myself in that first glance,
my heart never stood a chance.
I was in love with this feeling you gave me,
begging everyone to not save me.
This tickling in my tummy,
that kick in my chest when you said my name felt funny.
There’s this childhood type bliss,
I feel to my toes, every time we kiss.
Truth or dare?
I said I didn’t care.
And that’s when you picked dare,
in your eyes I saw a newly sparked flare.
“I dare you to fall in love with me”
it was with my next breath I agreed to your heart stopping decree.
And would you look at that,
after our little chat,
I knew there was no turning back.
There was no running from this attack.
It was then I was able to clearly see,
this beautiful future between you and me.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 9:31 PM UTC
mom? dad?
i’m drowning.
swimming towards the light above,
astringent tears fill my lungs.
mom? dad?
i can’t breathe.
miniscule doses of albuterol
escaping from my little plastic inhaler
stand meager in the eyes of the overly developed fear,
prying its way up the lengths of my throat.
mom? dad?
there’s a stranger in my room.
i stand in front of the mirror
waiting for my reflection;
waiting to see that little girl,
bright, blue eyes, wide smile.
but there’s a stranger there instead;
bloodshot eyes,
inflamed scores down her cheeks,
reaking of poor judgement and broken promises.
mom? dad?
i can’t hear the music.
the floor is varnished with broken cds,
torn-up sheets of abandoned lyrics,
mutilated “i love you”s;
but the record player is still on.
turning and turning
yet i don’t hear a single note,
my senses are paralyzed
by the blow of my demolished heart.
mom? dad?
they won’t stop talking.
people.
people in my head.
voices loud as they scream profanities,
soft as they whisper lullabies,
stern as they bellow punishments.
i can’t make sense
of those who twist and tug on my heart strings
and those who wish to elongate them.
i need out.
mom? dad?
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 9:30 PM UTC
Tried being the good girl,
I got nothing.
Listens to whatever you say,
I got nothing.
Did what I think was best for us,
I got nothing.
Pretending to be happy even if I'm not,
I got nothing.
And now loving you even if you don't feel the same,
I got nothing.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 9:28 PM UTC