I remember it all too well,
The tears streaming down my face
I break down, holding on to the embrace
You’ll get through this, you’re strong
Keep fighting, no matter how long
We all need you bud, it’s just a speed bump
This disease you’ll trump
This infestation of your own body
I’d do anything to help, buddy
I love you so much, friend
I refuse this to be the end
I’ll carry you if I have to,
On my back for my whole life
Although I know that’s not what you want
But I just need you to survive
You’ve carried me, if anything
You’ve grabbed it by the throat, this thing
Meaning to separate you from your loved one
s
It nestles in your legs, kidneys and lungs
Yet you fight, as hard as it is
I know you cannot fathom what it is to miss
Everything that comes next, you deserve to be there
Such a great person, it’s only fair
I tease you, you tease me
And for a moment, we let each other flee
The horrible thoughts, the difficult time
The near enough impossible mountain you must climb
We can only cheer you on, we can’t climb along
It hurts more than anything, but please stay strong
So you will, I know you will
And this cancer you’ll definitely ****
I’ve seen you lose your hair, your cheek and your colour
At least we’ve all still got one another
You couldn’t even walk, too weak and fragile
Not really yourself, and way too docile
Yet you were still with us, and we with you
As you tried your best to stay,
It’s as if you knew
We’ve laughed so much, and now we cry together
You’re the strongest person I know, a golden centre
I jumped through the roof when I heard
The nightmare was over, you’re finally cured
Beat the clump that tried to best you
Nobody can do that pal,
Told you you’d get through
Now it’s time to enjoy life
Instead of meaning to survive
No longer on a hospital bed
Not having to think of death
You were twenty
Life still has to offer plenty
I love you so much, friend
I refuse this to be the end
I’ll carry you if I have to,
On my back for my whole life
Although I know that’s not what you want
But I just need you to survive
It’s back, you told me teary-eyed
I froze up,
Wanting to speak, I really tried
I hugged you tighter than I ever could
This shouldn’t be possible
Not to someone this good
We’re always there for you
I finally muttered through tears
Couldn’t have imagined this in my worst fears
So, another fight
Another sleepless night
My problems are insignificant,
Every time I think of you
Every time I imagine of what you go through
“We can’t help him anymore.”
At those words, our worlds collapse
But maybe, j-just perhaps
No, it’s over,
Not a hundred four-leaf clovers
Will change the outcome
We’re now left wondering
How many days are left to come?
Even after this, you fight
You battle, struggle, yeah you might
Not win this time, but you’re amazing
I can still barely accept, that you won’t be raising
Any kids of your own, it’s so cruel
But yet you go to school,
Yet you still find purpose
Yet you don’t see yourself as worthless
And you’re not, you’re an inspiration
For the whole, entire nation
You’re a fantastic friend
You’re a legend,
We’ll be with you until the end, my man
And when the day comes, we’ll be there
Doesn’t matter when or where
It’s not fair.
Feb 10, 2018
Feb 10, 2018 at 9:54 PM UTC
I’m not a shadow of my former self, no
I’ve turned into my own shadow,
Never free to go,
Switched places with the one stalking me
It’s been so long, forgot how to be free
I represent the lack of sunlight,
So close but yet so far
I completely disappeared from the radar
People step on me, not realizing
It’s okay though, not really surprising
It doesn’t even hurt anymore
Because I’ve been down on the floor
For so long, trying to remember
Where I came from
The winter season is the worst, no sun
Which means for a second, I’m completely gone
Not even a trace, not even a glance
Scream for help now, it’s your last chance
I’m being swallowed up whole
Merging with other shadows
As my mind goes for a stroll
Please help me back up friend,
I wish to have colour again
Colour in my brain
Not just solid black or grey
That’s pretty much all I have to say
My only dream in life is to live
My mind I won’t forgive
For what it did to me
So desperate, set me free
I want to switch back, I belong up there
Not you,
I don’t deserve to be in despair
I want to have a peek,
Keep getting close
But you’re always in the way
From your head to your toes
Blocking out the heat,
Blocking out the rays
Been down here a thousand days
I’m no longer physical
I’m being hypocritical
You should do this, seek assistance
Only to lengthen your existence
But here I am, sinking in quicksand
It’s really not going as planned
In my mind the shadow keeps growing
While I keep shrinking
I’m getting to the point where I stop thinking
About ever seeing light, ever being free
I know very well that I’m ill
But I’ll get through, I will
Surrounded by the vast nothingness
Angriness wins it from happiness
Evil beats good
Beating this thing? I thought I would
Please help me back up friend,
I wish to have colour again
Colour in my brain
Not just solid black or grey
That’s pretty much all I have to say
My only dream in life is to live
My mind I won’t forgive
For what it did to me
So desperate, set me free
I want to switch back, I belong up there
Not you,
I don’t deserve to be in despair
I dodge the light, as if on purpose
But I can’t help it, feeling worthless
I was made to be invisible
The darkness makes me miserable
Need to break loose of this walking corpse
Trying to do so through these works
The shadow holds me by the throat
Writing these words, and I quote
“I won’t end you, just leave you breathless.”
Nothing good in there, not a message
It’s only the harsh truth, depression is drowning
In your own thoughts, your mind is shouting
In your ear, just make it stop
Pull the trigger and then I drop
Deafening silence, finally
And I lay there silently,
Lifeless
Now I’m free from this crisis
That occupied my head,
The only solution I figured out,
Now I’m dead.
Feb 10, 2018
Feb 10, 2018 at 10:11 AM UTC
It’s the little things, not smiling at something great
Not even chuckle at a stupid pun from my mate
Not taking in a new sight, but simply walking past
Being unable to describe it, when somebody asked
Only crying, every night- until I fall asleep
Not permitting myself to snooze, unless I weep
Clenching onto my pillow, within an ocean of tears
Uncontrollably shaking as I think about my fears
Shaking and crying but no sound,
And I wipe the tears with my doubts
Just to be able to sigh again
This must be the end of my brain
Do you reckon?
My mind is going a hundred miles a second
Whilst I’m completely still,
My mental state is going downhill
I miss the smell of a freshly cut lawn
My sensations are weak, most already gone
I miss to feel emotion,
Colours as vast as the ocean
An unlimited amount I had,
But now they’re all gone
Maybe all these negative thoughts,
I just have to act on
I want you to smile,
Don’t wish you any pain
Just let me suffer alone,
What would I gain
From making you suffer with me?
I’ll keep this to myself
Pull the words from my vocal chords
And place them on the top shelf
Making sure you cannot reach
Of course, it’s just figure of speech
I’ll stay grey, like a lack of colour
My soul keep shrinking,
It keeps getting smaller
Smaller like my mind
The vast darkness takes over
Now all colour’s gone,
Nothing left to discover
I need you,
I need your smile,
It’s replaced by something abysmal,
Replaced by something vile
I want to look you in the eye,
And just hear you say
“Shh.. It will all be okay.”
Want to break down in your grip,
Tell you everything but no,
Instead I abandon ship
Again
Running from the truth
I miss the everlasting heat of the sun
My sensations are weak, most already gone
I miss to feel emotion,
Colours as vast as the ocean
An unlimited amount I had,
But now they’re all gone
Maybe all these negative thoughts,
I just have to act on
Thinking about what’s going on
I do that a lot,
Ever since I fought
The lack of a sunshine
It’s the main reason I’m not fine
Not fine at all, I miss the brightness
But you I haven’t missed, not in the slightest
You, the one bearing the false truth
You’ve been bothering me since my youth
Stop pulling me back, let me be with my friends
Running through these green fields,
Before it all ends
Its the little things, a breeze through my hair
Well the weather’s always changing, to be fair
Can’t expect it to always be sunny
But it’s been raining for too long now,
This isn’t funny
Droplets the size of cars
Drowning my brain
I’m gasping for air,
I’m going insane
But it’s the little things, and in the end
I’ll even crack a smile as I descend
I miss your touch
Oh I miss it so much
Your laugh, cry and warm face
The memories they’ll never erase
But you’re now gone, I miss you friend
I wipe a tear as you ascend
For the last time.
Feb 8, 2018
Feb 8, 2018 at 7:39 PM UTC
The world around us is burning
But still, we’re so cold
My thoughts are so concerning
Don’t think for yourself, do as you’re told
That’s what they want, indoctrination
I’m diverting from my lane, seeking salvation
From all of these lies,
Anyone that steps out of line dies
You don’t stop breathing
You’re just left bleeding
Don’t give in to the oppression
You just need a confession
To show them the progression of this session
My depression’s aggression is terrifying
Makes me give in, makes me stop trying
Trying to cure myself from this idea
That I’m alone, and nobody loves me
The sun scorches us all
Some of us stay down, others stand tall
Fighting this intense burning sensation
Some of us are confused,
Others full of concentration
To finish what we started, and that’s life
I don’t care how much it hurts, I’ll survive
Even if all around me burns
I’ll stand tall, even when the sun returns
My head, it’s on fire
You’re a poser, you’re a liar
Because you just can’t see
See past this broken face,
It’s supposed to be me
But I’m not too sure it still is
I don’t like that face of his
It’s sad, angry and he seems confused
And then when finally offered help, he refused
That can’t be me, I’m smarter than that
See what I’m getting at?
This’ll change you
Whether you want to or not
Even more so if you battled and fought
All that’s left is ashes
All that’s left is flashes
Those of the past, almost making me smile
Those visions, they almost make it worthwhile
The happy moments, they’re fading away
They’re all I have left, please stay
In this apocalyptic environment, all is burnt
To be honest we deserved this,
It is earned
Please soak my head in water,
Please drown out this demon
All I’ve been doing is screaming
I’m so cold, so hot, I don’t know what I feel
I’m starting to doubt whether this is real
Maybe they were right, maybe I’m a liar
Maybe I’ll just embrace this open fire
The fire, the one impossible to control
Stuck behind a door, one without a keyhole
Inhaling all the toxic smoke,
And probably my last words I spoke
“For now my demon has consumed me.”
I crash to the ground, at last I’m free
Never wanted to die
Travel up to the heavenly sky
I wanted to be happy here
But that’s impossible, so I disappear
I walk across the frozen road
My forehead hot, seeming to implode
These conflicts in my mind,
I wonder if it’s the same for all of mankind
These doubts, this extreme and constant fear
At least right now I’m being sincere
Want to know how I feel?
It’s right here
Dig a little deeper and it’s crystal clear
All that’s left is ashes
All that’s left is flashes
Those of the past, almost making me smile
Those visions, they almost make it worthwhile
The happy moments, they’re fading away
They’re all I have left, please stay
In this apocalyptic environment, all is burnt
To be honest I deserved this,
It is no less than I earned
The feeling of dread that washes over me
It’s refreshing, at least it would be
If it hadn’t been the same for all this time
Keep getting stuck, don’t know how to rhyme
I just want to tell you of this burning sensation
Without all this hassle, it’s like a cremation
But for now I hide in symbolism and wordplay
Maybe someday I’ll truly explain it all,
Okay?
Feb 6, 2018
Feb 6, 2018 at 8:34 PM UTC
I’m depressed
I feel this constant pressure on my chest
Like I’m unable to exhale,
My body is starting to fail
My head is spinning,
My ears are ringing,
What is wrong?
I wish I knew
I’m feeling so blue.
Feeling blue, seeing blue
What does it sound like?
I don’t have a clue
I wish I was synesthetic
My ambitions, they’re so pathetic
Just want to somehow understand
Life is so bland, barely able to even stand
I am desperate for a sensation, anything
But instead my mind’s abandoning
Everything, my personality
It’s reaching its fatality
This abnormality in my mentality
Is eating me from within
Maybe I’ll just let it win
I just want to feel special
I just want to feel normal
I just want to feel.
I breathe, yet I’m not alive
Still going but I barely survive
I see, yet I’m blind
I keep fighting with my mind
I touch, yet I don’t feel
Barely even recognize what is real
I hang out in my mind all day,
The only place I find a way
A way to cope, but still suffer
I really need to find a new way to discover
How I need to handle this,
My brain shouldn’t be down in this abyss
I feel like I’m alone at sea
Completely isolated, nobody’s looking for me
The sky, the water, my mind- all blue
I don’t understand what I ever did to You
To deserve this kind of torture,
No lesson to be learned
“Oh no, I’m fine- no need to be concerned.”
It’s like it’s impossible to speak about,
I lie as if I expect a drought
Concerning the entire ocean
The only way I’ll ever get away,
Away from my emotion
I’m depressed
I feel this constant pressure on my chest
Like I’m unable to inhale,
My body is starting to fail
My head is ringing,
My eyes are spinning,
What is wrong?
I wish I knew
I’m feeling so blue.
I’ll keep swimming, not yet seeing a horizon
I know this is ridiculous, but help me please Poseidon
Just help me out, nobody else will
Only one request you need to fulfill
Let me live, don’t swallow me whole
At least don’t eat away at my soul
I keep fighting through these waves
Slowly passing all these graves
Of the ones that fought before me
Wait, impossible, I finally see
A figure above the water,
A hand reaching out to the author
He wants to take it, more than anything
But he stops, and lets himself sink
To the bottom of the mighty sea
In a moment he’ll finally be free
The water fills his lungs,
It’s time to say goodbye
At least like this you can’t see him cry
Instead a sigh is all you’ll ever see
As he drowns, leaving like a nobody
Not a single soul will miss him
And not a single soul he’ll miss
That’s a lie- he only left the abyss
He leaves with regret, hating this choice
He’ll never hear another voice
Never hear anything anymore
Now he reaches the ocean floor
He’ll lay there forever
He’s still here,
This wasn’t clever whatsoever
Please just shut down for good,
Come on, you really should
Rid me of the pain, the lack of colour
Rid me of all of it, brother
For now I just lay here, in this blue abyss.
Hearing nothing, the only sound I dismiss
It’s that of my heartbeat, I despise it
But somehow I’m glad too,
I have to admit.
Feb 5, 2018
Feb 5, 2018 at 7:28 PM UTC
I can’t see, I try but I can’t
Without all those colours, life is bland
Everything has turned to grey
From happiness to dismay
In the blink of an eye
Time to say goodbye
To your perfect little life
It’s turned into a struggle to survive
But my problem is my head
Not those two eyes of mine
I think my brain is dead
My eyes are working just fine
I envy those around me
Enjoying their lives, being free
Whilst I’m trapped in a grey environment
All dark, blurry and violent
Streams of tears trickle down my face
Are those tears or is it blood?
I should check, just in case
For I can’t distinguish one from the other
Then how am I ever to discover?
I’m full of open gashes
They hurt and I see flashes
Of my past, catching up to me
Leave me alone, I desperately plead
The present is still haunting my body
The future looks the same, a carbon copy
Full of hate, despair and depression
Introspection is the name of this session
Please don’t use discretion for your self-expression
Not a single concession it’s your possession
Say no to oppression, no to suppression
For you have to help yourself here
It’s a difficult road to get rid of the fear
To be free from the the thought
The one that your depression brought
The one occupying all of your brain
Screaming “YOU’RE NOTHING, YOU’RE INSANE!”
You’re stronger than that,
Please just have a little chat
About your issues, with anyone you trust
Your problems will decrease when discussed
Don’t stay colourblind,
There’s too much you’re missing
Open up to people, don’t stay hidden
Depression is colourblind too
No matter how you look, it’ll find you
Do you know how long it look
For me to discover what was wrong?
Way longer than I could stay strong
But I figured it out, no I haven’t
I preach this advice, but my mind is still absent
Still struggling, but I think I know what to do
How to actually fix this, oh I wish I knew
It’s certainly hard, it’s a struggle
Chucking around all these emotions
Don’t even know how to juggle
I let them all fall, they crack and break
Don’t have emotions anymore,
All I do is fake
I envy those around me
Enjoying their lives, being free
Whilst I’m trapped in a grey environment
All dark, blurry and violent
Streams of tears trickle down my face
Are those tears or is it blood?
I should check, just in case
For I can’t distinguish one from the other
Then how am I ever to discover?
What I feel like
Who I am
This whole thing called life is a scam
It’s not what they told me it’d be
Or is it too soon, when will I be free?
When will I see colours, I don’t understand
They ask about my favourite colour, I pretend
“Oh it’s blue, or red or something..”
I know it’s wrong, I feel disgusting
I shouldn’t lie, I need to speak
As life keeps looking bleak
Don’t know how long I’ll survive
Not just pretend to live a life
I want to enjoy, laugh and discover
Not having to recover
From thinking for too long
That’s just what is wrong
I’m sick, so sick
From myself I’m so thick
I know what is wrong, but assistance?
I’d rather have some distance
Settled on coexistence
Gave up any persistence or resistance
Along the way,
The cost is that everything stays grey
Everything tastes the same
I claim I’m not to blame
I live in shame,
Seeing who I became
I became weak, a grey character
Not knowing if I’m good or bad
Doesn’t matter, not a competitor
Simply breathing, going mad
It’ll be alright, it’ll sort itself out
Keep telling yourself that friend
As you drown in this drought
Of emotions
Feb 3, 2018
Feb 3, 2018 at 7:57 PM UTC
The colour of my eyes completely burnt,
It’s nothing I’ve been smoking- no you weren’t
I know because you’re weak
And he adds another streak
One of those colourful lines across your back
The umpteenth whack,
I no longer keep track
For the pain isn’t physical
My motives aren’t biblical
I know I am despicable
My story, oh so typical
A screech, loud enough to make ears bleed
It makes fluids trickle down,
From blood to tears and both mislead
As they quickly merge,
Combining their strength of hurting
On the verge of a surge
Of energy, shooting through my body
This heap of bones and coloured flesh
Because that’s all I am
This is just an exam
The hardest one ever, though
Wait, this one I know!
I grab my pen and start writing
The ink isn’t blue, maybe it’s the lighting
It may sting but I’m getting the answer down
As I wince in pain the examiner greets me,
with a frown
This examiner is the toughest,
He is the roughest
No empathy
He exists because of an imbalance,
We’re diving into the chemistry
Not drowning for once as this we get,
Yet I sweat as this man is still a threat
He’s been waiting for me for a long time
I bet.
The eyes behind mine
Those evil-coloured ones,
They feel like dying
But those are only his
And I don’t plan on doing what he says
For I’m the real one,
Purposely look right at the sun
That coloured fiery ball of flames,
“Oh you’ll pay for that” He claims
Now my mind lacks colour,
Now there’s nothing to discover
No place to go, no place to be
Different shades, they hold the key
Key to my heart, key to my understanding
As to why my mind is so demanding
All is shadow but there’s no shade
You’d need the light for that
I reach for the blade
At least it’ll bring back some colour
Who knows what I’ll discover
We’ll walk around in this world together
Covered in blood
I’m completely shaking and I hear you say
“We’ll be alright, bud.”
It somehow comforts me, my only friend
He really cares, yet together we descend
Down this palette of colours
The last one I get stuck in
The ****** blood-coloured red
The only real colour in my head
A feeling of dread,
Just let me lay in bed until I’m dead
The colour trickles down my temple as I utter
“It was worth it.”
Now let me rest,
Put me five feet under
Feb 2, 2018
Feb 2, 2018 at 9:06 PM UTC
I’ve missed looking up at the sky,
It feels so refreshing
I feel the sunshine on my skin
This is a blessing
For I feel my skin getting warm
Oh how I’ve missed the charm
Of the beautiful sun
It makes me forget for a moment
That I’m still on the run
Running from myself
From the truth as well
That there’s something wrong with me
No I’m alright, I refuse to see
The troublesome truth, the painful fact
That I’m constantly putting on an act
Yet I smile, yet I beam
From ear to ear, this must be a dream
Barely recognize this feeling,
Is this what happiness is?
Or is it a facade
Hiding the fact that my mind’s still flawed
That must be it, no way that it’s gone
It’s been with me for so long
From dusk until dawn
I’ll just keep looking at the sky
Stare right through the atmosphere
Oh how I wish I could fly
What I’d give to be free
I’d **** no that’s extreme, don’t you agree?
I just don’t want to hurt, want no-one to suffer
But it’s getting increasingly harder to recover
All by myself, I probably need therapy
To battle the single strongest enemy
I’ve ever had, I’ve ever encountered
That’s why I’m running
I know, I’m such a coward
I take a breath of fresh air,
The wind blows through my hair
I feel alive, a new part of the path
I’ve reached the top
And for a moment I stop
Stunned by the beauty as I turn my frame
My body is healed, I remember my own name
It all seems perfect, my mind it bright
Dare I say it? I’ve won the fight
As I speak those words my brain wakes
From my increasingly short slumber
How my head now aches
Again, and again and indeed- once more
I’ll lay down again, lay down on the floor
Everything became the same again
I feel so much shame,
I forgot my name
There’s a faulty wire in my mainframe
This has never been a fair game
I’ve lost my atmosphere
Now my fear is one again crystal clear
It’s been a mere year but it drains
Tear after tear from my eyes
My mask is failing me, my disguise
It’s showing cracks and fractures
My thoughts, they’re all backwards
Thought I was on top, really at the bottom
Figured it was springtime, no- already autumn
Everything is falling, even dying
I’m back on my knees
Looking down, still crying
The sky turns black
It starts pouring rain
Another drawback
Please get rid of this burning pain
Drain this rain from my brain
Help me get rid of this,
For I can’t keep laying here at the start
Down in this abyss
My neck is stuck in place,
Can’t see a trace of outer space
I’m only allowed to view my feet,
And below that, the cold street
The drizzle trickles down
No, still not enough for me to drown
I miss that yellow glowing star
It’s been gone for so long
It feels so bizarre
Only cold, darkness without shadows
How do I hold on?
Only He knows
For I wish to give in
I know, yeah it’s a sin
But between a great nothing or eternal darkness
I’d choose the former, I’m already lifeless
I carefully smile as I look up in a dream,
Not wanting to shout, not wanting to scream
I’m at peace, just for a moment
Please never wake me,
For I’m really broken
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 6:58 PM UTC
I pick myself up, barely able
To stay on my feet, my legs are unstable
I’ve had an accident, I’m rehabilitating
Everyone must think I am exaggerating
But I’m not, I struggle but because you can’t see
The pain I’m in, oh I’d be
So happy to be rid of the torment
But instead I once more descend to some extent
How frequent is this event meant to prevent,
My freedom as a human being?
I’m not arguing, I already know we’re not agreeing
I’ve given up on that, you just don’t understand
Let it be said, what this accident represents
It’s just as real as all these events,
That people tend to empathize with
But I speak of something different, call me a wordsmith
I’m speaking of a ruthless embodiment of darkness
Anything but harmless
To be clear; to let this come across
We’re talking about my depressing thoughts
They just won’t let me sleep
Desperately yelling it’s something I need
To beat this evil I must keep
Living, simply living
Living until I fall asleep
Just as my knees stop trembling
I smile to myself, but I keep questioning
Will my legs hold me up, even if I go forth?
I take my first step,
I’m blocked by a wall of some sort
In the middle of the street,
Can’t turn back or go on, so I plead
Please, help, I can’t walk anymore
A car runs into me, I fly through the air
And then crash to the floor
My mind fills back up with despair
I wake up in the ER
I can’t feel either legs
Again, this invisible car?
It struck me again
And no I don’t feign
Any of this horrible pain
Even though my legs are still here
They don’t work anymore,
How is that not clear?
Please see through the surface
Because I’m searching for a purpose
To not give up, to not give in
But where do I begin?
Maybe I’ll need some crutches at first
But I want to get rid of the pain
Because that’s the worst
I find these self-driving cars so scary
All these people if they’re not weary
Stop when told to do so,
Not when they want to, no
We’re not thinking straight
We want to prevent accidents
But it all comes down to fate
I’ve never been reckless,
But my mind has left me breathless
It’s a hard hit, and it echoes through the brain
All this pain is mainly to blame
Please just drain every grain of agony
From my body, its now actually
Simply a fantasy
To live a stable, happy life
All I’ve been doing is barely survive
It’s in the paper, another casualty
He was still so young, the man says casually
But it’s a dangerous road he wandered
The opportunity of happiness he squandered
But as the man takes a closer look at that boy
He’s not alive, but he looks to be filled with joy
A smile on his face that nobody could erase
It’s the first time the boy had smiled
The last time was when he was a child
But now the pain is gone
And a trail of blood is drawn
On the road
So please, help me off this road
For I don’t want another car to be towed
I’m determined to keep walking,
But I need help, even if it’s only talking
Reach out to me, please
I’m unable to,
The street
It sticks like glue
to my feet
Maybe I need to accept it
Embrace this fatal fate of mine
There’s only one way for this to end
I know there is,
It’s dying
Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 8:24 PM UTC
I’ve been taken captive,
I’m completely losing it, used to be so adaptive
A dark black room, trapped on enemy soil
Struggling against the rope around my wrists
As they completely drench me in motor oil
No just slit my throat, I’m begging you
I did nothing wrong you don’t have to go through
With this, and a no-faced man smirks
“You and I both know that that’s simply not how this works.”
He holds up a lit match and asks “Any final words?”
“Yes, knowing what I’ve been through there’s no way this hurts.”
The man looks confused, angry that I don’t seem scared
He instead takes out a wrench, hits me on the back of my head
My skull cracks and opens, leaking out the thoughts,
Thank you for saving me from them, now hit a few more spots
Nobody will come for me, I know that to be true
I’ll just put up my hands, give them my gun too
Nobody must know, I simply can not tell
That I never wore a parachute, oh how far I fell
I went in completely blind, they all shot at my head
I closed my eyes and waited, this is it I’m dead
But whether I stay here or not, must not be my choice
For something protected me, I even heard a voice
We’re not done with you yet, much torture awaits
The torture’s only mental, around my brain hang weights
Slowing me down, preventing me from looking ahead
At my path, I only look down until I spread
Words of lies of how I’m doing well
Words of truth of the 24/7 alarm bell
Inside of my head, my ears they hurt
I don’t know should I just desert
I think about betraying my mind,
My only friend, the only one kind
The one that cares, although he’s ill
These feelings- how can they even be real?
It makes no sense, it’s so illogical
But these problems are nothing but psychological
They throw my vessel into the bin,
Treating my carriage like it’s nothing
It’s carried me my whole short life
Even though not always perfect, struggled against the knife
It was there for me, hurting as it did
And now it’s only a shell, I’m completely off the grid
At least the torture ends,
For both me and my good friend
Those lobes have been through hell,
the ones that help me think,
Because of how far I fell,
But now I have a personal Kitchen Sink
Which makes it okay, there’s purpose
And what I’ve written, it may be worthless
Scream my mind out, it might be wordless
It’s what I want, no- what I need
The first one ever, my first thoughtful deed
Think about your thoughts,
You’ve thought about the process of thinking
I’m writing this with one hand,
The other making sure I’m not sinking
Even deeper down this well, which goes on for eternity
Maybe I could drown in here
Do I want to? Certainly
My body they take home, place me into a closed coffin
Nobody dares look- not because of the injury
My eyes they still convey the utter and complete misery
That they showed all those years,
Together with this list of fears,
I know that they knew
Never spoke though, it’s true
They quickly put me down into the cold ground
Open my eyes, stopped by a black hound
His owner right there, red eyes and a smirk
Thought you’d get rid of me that easy,
No, only now you can watch me work
He points me to a door, that somehow holds my mind
I look around, begging for help. I’ve been left behind.
Nobody is there, I’m down here with the demon
I wanted to be up there, live in the perfect world
My second life narrated by- you guessed it, Morgan Freeman
But I’m not up there, no I’m down
What a surprise, I’ve never left this part of town
The battle is over, I’m stuck here again
I was used to this already, but my last hope was in vain
I finally wonder if I leave
..Would anyone grieve?
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 7:09 PM UTC