I’ve missed looking up at the sky,
It feels so refreshing
I feel the sunshine on my skin
This is a blessing
For I feel my skin getting warm
Oh how I’ve missed the charm
Of the beautiful sun
It makes me forget for a moment
That I’m still on the run
Running from myself
From the truth as well
That there’s something wrong with me
No I’m alright, I refuse to see
The troublesome truth, the painful fact
That I’m constantly putting on an act
Yet I smile, yet I beam
From ear to ear, this must be a dream
Barely recognize this feeling,
Is this what happiness is?
Or is it a facade
Hiding the fact that my mind’s still flawed
That must be it, no way that it’s gone
It’s been with me for so long
From dusk until dawn
I’ll just keep looking at the sky
Stare right through the atmosphere
Oh how I wish I could fly
What I’d give to be free
I’d **** no that’s extreme, don’t you agree?
I just don’t want to hurt, want no-one to suffer
But it’s getting increasingly harder to recover
All by myself, I probably need therapy
To battle the single strongest enemy
I’ve ever had, I’ve ever encountered
That’s why I’m running
I know, I’m such a coward
I take a breath of fresh air,
The wind blows through my hair
I feel alive, a new part of the path
I’ve reached the top
And for a moment I stop
Stunned by the beauty as I turn my frame
My body is healed, I remember my own name
It all seems perfect, my mind it bright
Dare I say it? I’ve won the fight
As I speak those words my brain wakes
From my increasingly short slumber
How my head now aches
Again, and again and indeed- once more
I’ll lay down again, lay down on the floor
Everything became the same again
I feel so much shame,
I forgot my name
There’s a faulty wire in my mainframe
This has never been a fair game
I’ve lost my atmosphere
Now my fear is one again crystal clear
It’s been a mere year but it drains
Tear after tear from my eyes
My mask is failing me, my disguise
It’s showing cracks and fractures
My thoughts, they’re all backwards
Thought I was on top, really at the bottom
Figured it was springtime, no- already autumn
Everything is falling, even dying
I’m back on my knees
Looking down, still crying
The sky turns black
It starts pouring rain
Another drawback
Please get rid of this burning pain
Drain this rain from my brain
Help me get rid of this,
For I can’t keep laying here at the start
Down in this abyss
My neck is stuck in place,
Can’t see a trace of outer space
I’m only allowed to view my feet,
And below that, the cold street
The drizzle trickles down
No, still not enough for me to drown
I miss that yellow glowing star
It’s been gone for so long
It feels so bizarre
Only cold, darkness without shadows
How do I hold on?
Only He knows
For I wish to give in
I know, yeah it’s a sin
But between a great nothing or eternal darkness
I’d choose the former, I’m already lifeless
I carefully smile as I look up in a dream,
Not wanting to shout, not wanting to scream
I’m at peace, just for a moment
Please never wake me,
For I’m really broken
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 6:58 PM UTC
I’ve missed looking up at the sky,
It feels so refreshing
I feel the sunshine on my skin
This is a blessing
For I feel my skin getting warm
Oh how I’ve missed the charm
Of the beautiful sun
It makes me forget for a moment
That I’m still on the run
Running from myself
From the truth as well
That there’s something wrong with me
No I’m alright, I refuse to see
The troublesome truth, the painful fact
That I’m constantly putting on an act
Yet I smile, yet I beam
From ear to ear, this must be a dream
Barely recognize this feeling,
Is this what happiness is?
Or is it a facade
Hiding the fact that my mind’s still flawed
That must be it, no way that it’s gone
It’s been with me for so long
From dusk until dawn
I’ll just keep looking at the sky
Stare right through the atmosphere
Oh how I wish I could fly
What I’d give to be free
I’d **** no that’s extreme, don’t you agree?
I just don’t want to hurt, want no-one to suffer
But it’s getting increasingly harder to recover
All by myself, I probably need therapy
To battle the single strongest enemy
I’ve ever had, I’ve ever encountered
That’s why I’m running
I know, I’m such a coward
I take a breath of fresh air,
The wind blows through my hair
I feel alive, a new part of the path
I’ve reached the top
And for a moment I stop
Stunned by the beauty as I turn my frame
My body is healed, I remember my own name
It all seems perfect, my mind it bright
Dare I say it? I’ve won the fight
As I speak those words my brain wakes
From my increasingly short slumber
How my head now aches
Again, and again and indeed- once more
I’ll lay down again, lay down on the floor
Everything became the same again
I feel so much shame,
I forgot my name
There’s a faulty wire in my mainframe
This has never been a fair game
I’ve lost my atmosphere
Now my fear is one again crystal clear
It’s been a mere year but it drains
Tear after tear from my eyes
My mask is failing me, my disguise
It’s showing cracks and fractures
My thoughts, they’re all backwards
Thought I was on top, really at the bottom
Figured it was springtime, no- already autumn
Everything is falling, even dying
I’m back on my knees
Looking down, still crying
The sky turns black
It starts pouring rain
Another drawback
Please get rid of this burning pain
Drain this rain from my brain
Help me get rid of this,
For I can’t keep laying here at the start
Down in this abyss
My neck is stuck in place,
Can’t see a trace of outer space
I’m only allowed to view my feet,
And below that, the cold street
The drizzle trickles down
No, still not enough for me to drown
I miss that yellow glowing star
It’s been gone for so long
It feels so bizarre
Only cold, darkness without shadows
How do I hold on?
Only He knows
For I wish to give in
I know, yeah it’s a sin
But between a great nothing or eternal darkness
I’d choose the former, I’m already lifeless
I carefully smile as I look up in a dream,
Not wanting to shout, not wanting to scream
I’m at peace, just for a moment
Please never wake me,
For I’m really broken
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