CrymeariverWhisper

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11 word lifeWhile you are watching tv, I am cutting the pain away.
1
Jan 17, 2015
If only you knewYou are so far away, yet so close. / Every memory becomes unshed tears that condense into silent screams / You left me here…alone
81
Aug 28, 2014
MaybeMaybe I wasn't meant to leave, maybe I was meant to stay and fix the broken.
1
Oct 12, 2014
MommaDear Mother, / I am writing this letter at 1 in the morning. You will never see this, and most probably you wouldn't care. I don't know what to feel. The internal temblor killing me was caused by you. Just so you know I LOVE YOU! I have done everything in my hands to make you happy. I have abandoned everyone who I once cared and still love. I have woken up crying because daddy wasn't there. I went to church to see that smile lighting up your face. I have eaten my meals every day. I don't starve myself anymore. I did this because of you. I left everything behind because I love you. But why? Why? Why? Why? I don't understand why. When my sister found out I was cutting myself, instead of asking why or giving me advice you said " no child of mine would ever do those things!" I was so thankful that the only thing left in my wrist were fainted scars. Why do you judge before knowing? Why do you not see that your child isn't happy? Why do you force her to do things that hurt her? I dread to go to church. Of course you don't know why! You just say " you'll go to hell if you don't." You don't know what's it like to see people serving god with their hearts when you where once in that position. You don't know what's it like to cry in the church's restroom because it's painful to see that I was the happiest girl ever in my church! I can't swollen food. As lame as I know you think it sounds, I wish that I was skinnier, beautiful, and loved. Food is just a barrier that I decided to eliminate to play the part. You don't know that I love you. But because of you I am contemplating death. Once again, for the millionth time, just let me heal! Not all of us are like you strong and determined. I am sorry I made you suffer! That was my last intention. You did everything for me but it's my choice. Not yours, not society's, not God's. And right now my choice is to give up! I am sorry I am not your little naive serious girl you once loved and admired. Your girl grew up.
27
Oct 13, 2014
My life consists of..Pain. Deception. Disappointment. Anger. Guilt. Betrayal. Anxiety. Lost. Confusion. Fury.
2
Sep 29, 2013
Point in lifeThere comes a point in life where you no longer care about anything. / All of your goals and aspirations seem far away. / You no longer feel happiness. Yet, you are constantly facing the world and your family with lies and smiles.
12
Oct 13, 2014
Shameful parentsMy world is crumbling down again. I just want you to hug me. To reassure that everything will be fine. You want to come back. I recall all of those nights wishing you where there for me. Yet now I don't want you back. As much as it pains me I don't need you. She may need you but I don't. You have taught me to put my trust in no one. / I honestly want to end my miserable life. I am so tired of a the bullshit. I don't know who to trust, who to cry out with. I am acting as if I have no care for the situation, yet it kills me every time when I realize you haven't changed. You wanna come back, sure. But not inside my heart. You have been restricted for life. I hope you have an awesome life with her. Hope you try to make her happy.
11
Nov 11, 2014
SmileA smile can hide our most dreaded fears, our happiness, our silenced agony, and our painful battles. Don't assume it's there because I'm happy. I am not.
2
Nov 11, 2014
UntitledI changed. Sorry. I don't laugh at those jokes now. I changed, sorry. My folders don't have flowers in them, instead band names. I changed, sorry. My wardrobe is filled with classy clothes that I don't wear. I changed, sorry. Green isn't my favorite color anymore. Black overtook my clothes and shoes. I changed, sorry. I am more open minded. I believe, now, that the world is a not so sweet place. I changed, sorry. My smile brings no comfort anymore. I changed, sorry. I easily get annoyed with preachings and pastors. I changed, sorry. I damage myself instead of damaging my loved ones. I changed, sorry. I don't care anymore. / The ones that don't change are those memories that forcibly replay in my head every minute. / They tell my to leave my past in the past.
25
Oct 12, 2014
UntitledDon't come here expecting me to be happy, to be the girl you left behind. / The last thing I am is happy. / Thank you very much.
5
Oct 12, 2014
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