Dear Mother,
I am writing this letter at 1 in the morning. You will never see this, and most probably you wouldn't care. I don't know what to feel. The internal temblor killing me was caused by you. Just so you know I LOVE YOU! I have done everything in my hands to make you happy. I have abandoned everyone who I once cared and still love. I have woken up crying because daddy wasn't there. I went to church to see that smile lighting up your face. I have eaten my meals every day. I don't starve myself anymore. I did this because of you. I left everything behind because I love you. But why? Why? Why? Why? I don't understand why. When my sister found out I was cutting myself, instead of asking why or giving me advice you said " no child of mine would ever do those things!" I was so thankful that the only thing left in my wrist were fainted scars. Why do you judge before knowing? Why do you not see that your child isn't happy? Why do you force her to do things that hurt her? I dread to go to church. Of course you don't know why! You just say " you'll go to hell if you don't." You don't know what's it like to see people serving god with their hearts when you where once in that position. You don't know what's it like to cry in the church's restroom because it's painful to see that I was the happiest girl ever in my church! I can't swollen food. As lame as I know you think it sounds, I wish that I was skinnier, beautiful, and loved. Food is just a barrier that I decided to eliminate to play the part. You don't know that I love you. But because of you I am contemplating death. Once again, for the millionth time, just let me heal! Not all of us are like you strong and determined. I am sorry I made you suffer! That was my last intention. You did everything for me but it's my choice. Not yours, not society's, not God's. And right now my choice is to give up! I am sorry I am not your little naive serious girl you once loved and admired. Your girl grew up.