a.* people don't stay
b. even if they promise, don't believe them
c. mind over matter is so much harder than i thought it would be
d. loving someone unconditionally is like cannibalism, because it causes you to slowly fade away in the shadow of their achievements. you have to force yourself to be there for them with a smile even though you want to cry
e. people truly can have only one best friend
f. and that one person will *always be there for you
g. life is full of disappointments
h. people don't just disappoint you, you disappoint yourself
i. there are mornings where you won't want to get up
j. there are nights when you won't want to sleep
k. no one except that one person truly understands you
l. hugs are the best medicine
m. they can also lead to streams of waterfalls gushing from your eyes as you realize you won't be able to move on from this person
n. "i'm fine" is the most common lie
o. most people know this, many do little about it
p. everyone moves on with their lives
q. everyone moves on from you to someone better
r. there are an array of metaphors that can be used to describe how ****** life is
s. people will not understand that the metaphors are not a joke
t. there are boys that can turn your world inside out and outside in
u. there are boys you will stay up with until three talking to, boys you will talk to all day
v. there are also boys who do not care
w. there are boys who will not notice the little things you do for them
x. times when you just want to give up and cry for the rest of your night are not few and far between anymore
y. raindrops crashing into the soft barrier of your skin cells are surprisingly comforting
z. it will be okay is hidden with the phrase eventually and not right now

I need you to love me like I'm wounded
In the darkness of my insecurities
hold me, kiss me, touch me,
fill my hollow organs with the shadows of your light.

1.) I led  him on
2.) if you saw us together you would think we were dating
3.) at one point I wanted to kiss him
4.) at another point I didn't
5.) we held hands the second day
6.) I remember shopping with him
7.) I also remember crying in his car
8.) I cried when I heard his voice
9.) he gives the best hugs I've ever had
10.) I'm scared of commitment
11.) he's now moved and I don't know how I feel
12.) I'm so torn emotionally
13.) this is turning into a jumble of sentences and words that mean nothing
14.) I've always hated attention
15.) this is the same year I've cried in front of more people than I have in my lifetime
16.) I can feel us growing apart
17.) but I will always love you, always

what they didn't tell you is that you will soon give yourself away,
because every time you see this boy he takes the whole galaxy and
puts it in your pupils, the sparkles radiating from each look you give him.

you try to say his name with a serious face and just end up effortlessly smiling,
because he's the boy who can do that to you.

you can't call him a thief, but you know he stole some part of you that you won't
get back any time soon. and what's worse is that you can't hide how you feel anymore, because you give yourself away.

you turn each time he walks in the room, you look up with that galaxy hoping to
find him sailing through the constellations, you smile uncontrollably while he takes
invisible tape and seems to tape each side of your lips farther away from one another.

and with each step he takes towards you, you fall harder.

Help me now to remember

How you hugged me to your chest
your arms strong+holded me, let me rest.

When you whispered quiet
Beautifuls
And quiet
Assurities.

Help me to remember

How I held on with dear life
Scared to let go

And scared I won't remember.
And scared that you would go.

Small talk, playful banter
Is this flirting?

Gentle touches, eye gazing
Is this intimacy?

Quick glances, endless chasing
Is this serious?

Truth is
I don't know

But I catch myself slightly smiling because of you.