Andrew

Andrew Sep 2020

I love myself too much to hate you, to carry that energy to carry that attitude. Makes my soul cold. Revenge with happiness. That won’t be happiness that would be revenge and in the end. What’s even the point in revenge. My heart is warm, my heart is true just because you pull your strings and let the monsters break through. Will not change that my heart and soul is the strongest you will ever know. With time you’ll soon learn to know.

My head has been doing back flips the past few weeks and I got to a very dark place with depression and angry. I was suicidal for a long time and my family found out after an attempt, they got me help and got me medication. Strange thing about them is that it just makes that voice that speaks sense in the middle of all the confusion and panic speak louder and soon enough I found that I could find myself again and be me. Not by any means has it made me happy. It just makes it easier to detach from things when they start running around my brain. Little blue tablets made me sane

Andrew Aug 2020

Broken

If it’s broke I’ll break it more and make sure I’m left with no hope, hope is what drives me insane plays with all the chemicals in my brain, it can drive a strong man insane. Nothing personal on you, just I’m sick of hoping for the brighter days.

If you ever read it, please believe it

Andrew Aug 2020

For Emilia

For Emilia
You have a heart of gold, ignore anything you ever get told. My love for you will never grow old. You need your time and that is fine. I hope our paths meet somewhere down the line. But until that time.I hope you are well and doing just fine, I’m really glad I got to hold apart of your heart and I’m glad you held onto mine... sleep well darling goodnight x

Wrote this when me and my ex girlfriend broke up incase she got upset, I look at it now and think how stupid can I be but i also think about how much worth I actually have to write that for an ex to make her smile

#love

Andrew Jul 2020

Missing you

It’s not just the conversation I miss, for me there’s something deeper that, I can’t explain. It’s just rattling around in my brain. Used to drive me insane and played with my brain. There was just something about seeing your name, even when we were causing each other pain. Nobody was to blame I guess that’s why it’s a shame. I always wonder if we started again would things just turn out the same. Or would be what it felt like it was supposed to be.

Andrew Jul 2020

Stroke

Seeing the man that was holding my hand when I was young and helpless. With the blank face. an expression that I can see from miles away. Unable to speak and weak. I have to watch you go alone. Be strong.

When I was young my mam had a stroke and it was my grandad that was holding my hand as I watched her get taken away. Today I woke up watching him getting taken away for the same reason. The expression that comes on a person face when they have a stroke haunts me and I noticed it before anyone even told me what was going on

Andrew Jul 2020

Paintbrush

My family going crazy my head squeezing so so tight, wanting to blow my brains out. I want to end it, tonight. Sick of the world and sick of all it’s *****. Then a glisten in the seat. Your paintbrush watching me. Did you plant it there or was it a mistake. Made me break to pieces seeing it shine in the light. If only you could see how bad life is beating me.

Did you leave your things in my car on purpose?

Andrew Jul 2020

Message

I don’t get that urge to pick up my phone when I hear it buzz, I don’t get that smile on my face when I see a name. mostly it’s just something stupid or lame. I don’t believe that I’ll ever see your name again, it doesn’t cause pain, only shame. because I made deal with my leaky brain. There’s only that part of me to blame. It’s is a shame but who knows maybe you’ll message again.

Better be smiling :)