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934 · Sep 24
While You've Been
While you’ve been smiling
I’ve been dying.

While you’ve been laughing
I’ve been crying.

While you’ve been kissing her
I’ve remained alone.

While you’ve been talking with her
I’ve been drowning in silence.

While you’ve been dreaming
I’ve been thinking of you.

While you’ve been happy
I’ve been writing stupid poems
And wishing death upon myself
Because I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
Like 3 of my poems were too long and I feel like not many peeps read them bc of that, so I decided to break them up as best as I could into chunked single poems.
774 · Sep 17
I'm fine.
At least
That is
What I say
So you
Do not
Have to
Worry.
698 · Sep 20
Haunted Heart
A haunted heart
With the eternal
Ghost of you.
670 · Oct 15
Dear Enzo,
Only those with
A broken heart
Can truly write
Pain.
601 · Oct 13
Unable to sleep
I stay up at night
Unable to sleep
Because I know if
I do indeed dream
I will wake only
Disappointed with reality.
504 · Sep 15
Emotion
We need emotion.
Not what we can pick and choose,
But all of them.
Not everything can be good times
And happiness.
We need to get lost
So that we can be found.
We need to be in the dark
So we can find the light.
We have to get our heart broken
To know we were loved.
We gotta bleed
To know we are alive.
We gotta live
To know we can die.
We gotta feel pain
So that we can know
What it’s like to feel okay.
We need to make mistakes
In order to grow.
We need to fall
So we can learn to get up.
We need to love
So we can conquer hate.
We need to feel
So we can know we are human.
That is why we need emotion.
461 · Oct 12
to live or die
I don't want to live,
But I don't want to die.
426 · Oct 1
Maybe When I'm Dead
Maybe When I'm dead
People Will know of my heart,
My fate, my words and my mind.
Maybe they'll finally care -
Finally read my words.
For my poetry is my eulogy.
Maybe when I'm dead,
People will know of my pain.
With my tears and blood
through these lines, rhymes, and stanzas -
May they see the true me.
And maybe when I'm dead,
I may finally be called a poet.
The breaking of my heart felt like -
A noose around my neck,
A knife to my back,
A grenade in my stomach,
Poison in my brain,
And water in my lungs.
All at once...
But the pain never left.
400 · Nov 2
Our love is worth
Our love is worth
Trying for,
Fighting for,
And even
Dying for.
400 · Sep 12
Romeo
My Romeo
Forget the world
Let’s run off
Just you and me.
Nothing else do we need.
Scarlet letter no more
I’m free.

Follow me
Let’s live happily ever after
With one another.
Bonnie and Clyde.
I’m here
Ride or die
Yet we shall live
Our journey traveling.

No more sadness
Only love and joy.
I don’t want anything else
Just you.

No, seriously
You misunderstood
Underestimated me.
You couldn’t truly see
My insane need and want for you
Oh so everlasting and deep.

Let’s continue on
Love will provide
Faith will guide.
Romeo, please
Let’s run off
Just you and me.
380 · Oct 8
Addicted to you
You are my drug and I’m addicted
Whenever you are gone; withdrawal.
Every chance I get, I need a hit.
It is no longer a question of want.
For you make my fantasy reality,
You are my eternal happy pills
And I can’t lose that.
You are what keeps me living
Even as you **** me -
I shall love you forever.
336 · Sep 29
My Scarlet Letter
You are taken.
All I want
Unable to have
You are my scarlet letter.
I would pay any price to make it right
To get you back.
244 · Sep 12
To Live For
Who do you have to live for, if not yourself?
You shall no longer take any more of my words or my tears.
I am done crying and writing.
For you fill my mind and I become blind.
216 · Sep 29
Never the victor
I’ve been looking for happiness,
But it’s this never-ending
Game of hide and seek
Where I am never the victor.
The grace of tomorrow
Only chains me.
The dreams are the only escape,
But alas, they never last.
169 · Oct 16
Eternal Flame
Let me be your end, baby.
Let your heart know
No more pain.
Let me fill every crack
From that broken heart.
I promise to hold you forever
And never let go.
Our fire of love shall know of no end
Let it be an eternal flame.
148 · Oct 6
Let Our Love Rain Down
Let our love rain down
Like the bullets
For Bonnie and Clyde.
I’ll **** for you
But don’t be mistaken,
I’d also die for you.
For never was a story of more woe,
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
146 · Oct 19
Continue reading...
Temporary

Pain is temporary.
Tears are temporary.
Fear is temporary.
Failure is temporary.
Nightmares are temporary.
Storms are temporary.
Darkness is temporary.
Coldness is temporary.
Immortality is temporary.

So just keep moving on, dear.
It will be worth it.
All of that hurt,
All of the bad that you feel,
It may seem overwhelming;
You may feel like you’re drowning
And can’t get back to the surface,
That it’s pulling you deeper...
But just know you can get up.
There are people who can help you swim
Through that deep darkness.
There is always someone
Who loves you and will miss you.
There is always tomorrow,
A chance at a new day for better things.

All of the bad is temporary
As long as you can keep hope.
Know there will be some bad days
But it will get better,
The good WILL outweigh the bad,
I promise you.
So you just gotta keep your head up, darling,
And keep walking.
This isn’t the end.
There is so much beauty and good to come
As the sun rises, so shall you.
127 · Oct 15
Dearest Enzo,
A broken heart
Means you were
Loved.
104 · Sep 14
Happiness
Happiness

We used to know each other so well
But you had to move away
With your last farewell.

I miss your presence.
With time you will be yet again a stranger.

It’s been awhile
When you do indeed come back,
Don’t fear to dwell.

I thought we’d stay in touch
But I guess you are busy
With so many other people to greet.
Surviving without you remains my greatest feat.

Forget reality
Come and visit once in a while.
You’ll be proud of my hospitality.
103 · Oct 26
So be it.
I've been waiting for you
My entire existence.
If that means I have to wait
A bit more to be in your arms,
So be it.
Because you are so worth
Every minute if it means
The rest of eternity.
99 · Sep 20
I Miss You
May I say that I miss you
Because it’s true.

I miss your heart
Your laugh
Your eyes
Your tears
Your body
And your words...
All of you.

And I fear that longing
Will never fade
Nor ever leave.
98 · Oct 16
If I've Known
If I've known I was yours,
I would've known
What I was living for.
96 · Oct 8
Break your heart
I want to take your entire heart
All of your love - all of you.
I want to be your world - your everything...
And then I want to break your heart.

I want you to write poems after me.
If you are even able to sleep -
I want to be in your dreams,
Forever haunting you.
I want to make you hurt,
I want your soul to bleed.
To curse you with eternal tears.
Baby, just let me break your heart -
Like you did to me.
96 · Sep 30
Suffered Sufficiency
I am not yours anymore
As you are not mine.
96 · Sep 25
Virgin Eyes
My new love
I will take it slow
So your ****** eyes
Will remain blind for me
For some time.
I will have to back out -
And have to wait til the ring babe
You might just get me for stolen kisses
And held hands and my love.
Fun times and good memories...
But without the entirety of my body.
And I doubt you would want that.
94 · Sep 16
To Be Okay
I wish for you to be okay
But I know I can’t make you okay.
Nothing can make it okay…
Only time.
My grandma told me those words on a call today, a few days after my dad had passed. Just wanted to jot it down so I won't forget it.
93 · Sep 30
Lonely Heart
You wish me luck and happiness…
With someone else.
But there’s no one else,
My heart was set on you.
You were the only one, lover.
And now my lonely heart dies
Every minute you are no longer with me.
Why don’t you visit often?
Why do I never see your smile?

Do I make you sad?
Do you not like me?
Why do you glance at me
For a second and turn away the next?

Always with a frown
Sometimes you stand in front of me.
I watch as you brush your hair and teeth.
Putting on some mascara and lipgloss.
Dear, you already have a beautiful face.
I see you often change your outfit
And you sigh, so frustrated -
Yet I thought you looked great in all of them.

I watch you sitting on your bed
Silent tears running down your face.
I notice how the time flies as you stay there
Eating one meal a day
Waking up at 12.

I see you on your laptop all day -
Doing homework or just
Distracting yourself from all of the pain.

Writing in your journal
No one else knows your mind -
What’s in your heart -
Your eyes -
The weight on your shoulders -
And all of the sadness that consumes you.

When you finally take your mask off
And step off the stage of life at night -
Only I can see the real you.
87 · Oct 9
Love me
Love me,
Or **** me;
For I shall take it
No other way.
83 · Oct 21
The Hope of Someday
With the hope of someday,
For you, eternity I shall wait.
I can’t relive the past
But I continue revisiting
What was and no longer is.
Drowning in your laugh
Long but forgotten.
You kiss her and **** me.
I wish you a broken heart.
I wish you pain and I wish you tears
Just so you can know how it feels.

I wish you to be consumed by sadness
Where time seems to pass you by.

I wish for you to stay up all night
Unable to sleep
Just wondering where you went wrong.

I wish for you to feel as messed up
And depressed as I did
In every moment of every day.

I wish for you to feel everything
Because it seemed to be
That you felt nothing.

I just want you to have a little taste
Of the misery and sorrow I’ve endured.

But, I really don’t wish you a broken heart
Because it’s worse than torture.
And I’m not like you
I’m no monster.
Like 3 of my poems were too long and I feel like not many peeps read them bc of that, so I decided to break them up as best as I could into chunked single poems.
80 · Sep 12
Ode to Torment
You make my heart ache so.
I can no longer sleep at night.
It hurts to breathe,
Yet I can never close my eyes.
I see no light.
Tears unending,
Pain deserving.
May we start over in another life,
For now, this is goodnight.
Sleep well, my knight.
76 · Oct 11
Memento Mori
What did the Roman servants say
At the backs of the victorious generals?
After a victory, during a parade...
‘Memento mori’ -
Meaning: remember you are mortal.
May you as well feel pride,
But never forget to be humbled.
74 · Oct 11
In misery - dying
I was starving until I met you.
Feasting on your words
Of 'I love you' and promises,
My love grew.

Not knowing the only one
I cared about in the world
That I’d do anything for
Was the one that left me all alone
In misery - dying.
73 · Nov 2
Untitled
I'm glad that we both get that - **** cheating.
It ***** that we had to go through it,
And it was for 4 years of our life and for what?
A ******* cheater...
So, I'm glad your last relationship didn't work out,
Because now I got you, baby.
You are mine.
And I would never mess it up or hurt you
cuz I love you.
So, I'm down for forever.
73 · Sep 28
My Clyde
My Clyde,
You said you’d always
Protect me, never leave me.
**** and be killed for me.
That together, we’d burn
The world that broke us.
And I was your Bonnie,
You had all of me.
I was willing to do anything,
But now I’m just a memory.
71 · Sep 13
Dad
Dad
Haven’t seen you in person
Since the 4th of July.
You went to the hospital
On the 26th of that month.
You couldn’t breathe.
You spent your 53rd birthday
In an induced coma, asleep and alone.

No one would’ve ever thought it would be that bad.
I wish it were me instead.
This torment is incessant.

Glimpses of happiness when I forget
Hell when I remember.
Most of the day I try to block it out
The only way to get through the day.

Oh, the amount of prayers
And oceans of tears
Yet the outcome is the same.

Why?
Why’d God take you so soon?
What did this prove?

There’s so much more we needed to do
That I wanted to do.

Reminders of you in everything.
Please come back
I need you.

All that time for granted
Thinking I had forever.
Not enough time before
And now am left with none.

I can’t see you
I can’t talk to you
I can’t give you a hug
Nor can I say I love you and goodbye.
All I can do is cry.
Cry and write.

Your life unfinished,
Here I stay wishing
That we could’ve traded places.

You didn’t deserve this dad.
I’m so sorry.
I miss you so much.
You were the best dad
That anyone could have had.

‘Til we meet again.
Don’t worry
I’ll be okay.
We will be together again soon.
With eternity after.

**** COVID-19
And mortality.
Now on, we shall be undying.

May you know only love and happiness
With unending light.
No more loss.
No more sadness.

You will live on through my memory.
Forever in my heart.
I know you will be looking down on me
And always guiding me.

I love you dad.
R.I.P: 08/12/67 - 09/12/20
70 · Sep 12
Once More
Before, we were everything
Then we were nothing
Can we be something once more?
68 · Sep 26
All along
All along...
I was blind
While you
Dragged me
By the heart.
67 · Oct 7
I write my pain
I write my pain.
Every word is a tear.
I cut through the paper
With a pen
Instead of my wrists
With a knife.
Replacing my blood
With rhymes and lines.
A poem is born as I end my life.
67 · Oct 13
Fate
Memories flood
To the surface
And I drown
In the icy,
Black water
Of yesterday
As tomorrow’s
Shadow passes
Me by.
67 · Sep 29
The Forbidden Fruit
To take a bite of the forbidden fruit
I wouldn’t mind being ****** for eternity
As long as I had you.
Being strong is wrong
Let the weak peek.
64 · Sep 16
Sadness
This feeling...
Seems to be undying.
It consumes me
And never goes away.

I know only glimpses of happiness,
Yet microscopic compared to the pain.

When will it not hurt so bad?
When will the good
Finally outweigh the bad?
How much longer must I wait?
How much more must I bear?

I  just gotta keep hiding it.
And when I wake...
I put on the mask as I step onstage.
Awaiting reality...
I remind myself to keep it all locked away.
62 · Oct 9
In the end
In the
End,
Nothing
Really
Matters.
62 · Oct 13
Shadows of the past
Shadows of the past flicker in sight
And when I think it will all finally be over
I feel--everything.
Unable to say goodbye
I cry.

No escaping me
I remember and just die.
For I am not yours anymore
As you are not mine.
61 · Oct 11
Deep in Love
Deep in love
Buried 6 feet under
You’ll find me crying.

Black dirt in my mouth
In my heart
I remain dying.

The weight is unbearable
And I’m left suffocating.
Lover
I can’t hold my breath forever.
Help me up
Hold me
And let go never.
Title inspired by 'Deep in Earth' by the infamous EAP. I took it down and am reposting parts.
59 · Oct 6
Our love
Our love
Started from an ember
Underestimated and barely visible.
Flying through the wind, searching.
With oxygen, it was brought to life.
Spread, grew and
Lit this cold, dark world like a sun

Then, after time, it burned everything
All that was left was the cold, dark, dirt floor.
Nothing left to keep it alive
It shrunk, choked, and suffocated.
Death finally took our love.
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