Happiness

We used to know each other so well
But you had to move away
With your last farewell.

I miss your presence.
With time you will be yet again a stranger.

It’s been awhile
When you do indeed come back,
Don’t fear to dwell.

I thought we’d stay in touch
But I guess you are busy
With so many other people to greet.
Surviving without you remains my greatest feat.

Forget reality
Come and visit once in a while.
You’ll be proud of my hospitality.

Haven’t seen you in person
Since the 4th of July.
You went to the hospital
On the 26th of that month.
You couldn’t breathe.
You spent your 53rd birthday
In an induced coma, asleep and alone.

No one would’ve ever thought it would be that bad.
I wish it were me instead.
This torment is incessant.

Glimpses of happiness when I forget
Hell when I remember.
Most of the day I try to block it out
The only way to get through the day.

Oh, the amount of prayers
And oceans of tears
Yet the outcome is the same.

Why?
Why’d God take you so soon?
What did this prove?

There’s so much more we needed to do
That I wanted to do.

Reminders of you in everything.
Please come back
I need you.

All that time for granted
Thinking I had forever.
Not enough time before
And now am left with none.

I can’t see you
I can’t talk to you
I can’t give you a hug
Nor can I say I love you and goodbye.
All I can do is cry.
Cry and write.

Your life unfinished,
Here I stay wishing
That we could’ve traded places.

You didn’t deserve this dad.
I’m so sorry.
I miss you so much.
You were the best dad
That anyone ever have.

‘Til we meet again.
Don’t worry
I’ll be okay.
We will be together again soon.
With eternity after.

**** COVID-19
And mortality.
Now on, we shall be undying.

May you know only love and happiness
With unending light.
No more loss.
No more sadness.

You will live on through my memory.
Forever in my heart.
I know you will be looking down on me
And always guiding me.

I love you dad.

I just want to die.
I don’t want to feel anymore pain.
I’ve been hurt too many times
And cried too many tears.
Not enough happiness to make me stay.

Just let me go
No anchor to delay.
Too much loss
And the only gain; from weight.

My broken heart is irreparable.
The last blow turned it to sand
And the wind carried it away.

I am empty inside.
With no light
I remain in the dark.
Lost and alone.

You make my heart ache so.
I can no longer sleep at night.
It hurts to breathe,
Yet I can never close my eyes.
I see no light.
Tears unending,
Pain deserving.
May we start over in another life,
For now, this is goodnight.
Sleep well, my knight.

Who do you have to live for, if not yourself?

Before, we were everything
Then we were nothing
Can we be something once more?

Unconscious leaked
All that was hidden
No longer forbidden
My scarlet letter
Torn open
For all to read
Brought to the surface
Floating above
A crack in the mask of reality
The true me.

Started from nothing
Slowly, steady,
Gaining size, strength, and height.
Powerfully Surging
Quickly to the shore.

Dare to take a ride
And your fall is assured.
Lost beneath the Surface
Stuck in the Current
Unable to move forward.
Up is Unknown.
Hold your breath
Find your way
Or forever you will Remain
Lost and Alone.

It Reaches the shore
Pushes hard and fast.
Breaks the sand and air
With ease.

Mission complete.
Recollecting,
Pulling,
And Retreating.
Promise of Return.

My Romeo
Forget the world
Let’s run off
Just you and me.
Nothing else do we need.
Scarlet letter no more
I’m free.

Follow me
Let’s live happily ever after
With one another.
Bonnie and Clyde.
I’m here
Ride or die
Yet we shall live
Our journey traveling.

No more sadness
Only love and joy.
I don’t want anything else
Just you.

No, seriously
You misunderstood
Underestimated me.
You couldn’t truly see
My insane need and want for you
Oh so everlasting and deep.

Let’s continue on
Love will provide
Faith will guide.
Romeo, please
Let’s run off
Just you and me.

At the end of the hour
I hugged you hard
Not wanting to ever let go.

If time stopped at that exact moment
I’d be the happiest anyone could ever be.
Nothing more did I want or need.

I felt as if we were the only ones that existed.
I wanted that moment to last forever;
I didn’t care who would see.

I wanted us to melt together
Turn to a statue
Eternity to remain.

Holding you tight I whispered in your ear.
If I could go back
There’s so much more I wanted to do and say.

But all at once
Our embrace was over
You had to leave.
Our time was up.

Instead of ‘I love you’
I said goodbye.
You said you were sorry.

We turned around
Walking in different directions.
Please don’t leave, please.
I turned back around
Wishing for you to turn too.
Please wait, turn around, run to me.
Too late.

You kept walking
I watched your back as you left.
The best day with my heart still broken.

At the end of the hour
You were gone in a shadowy whisper
As fast as you came.
Was it only just a dream?

Breathing in
I’m underwater.
The cold, dark water
Fills my lungs
Fills my mind
Makes me blind.
I fade away
To fantasy.
The past like unreality.

As I’m trapped underneath the surface
The memories of the bad drown me.
Dragging me deeper and deeper.
And I sink to the dark.

‘Til death do us part
Won’t apply
Because you promised infinity.
No escaping me.
Forever immortal
I am yours and you are mine.

They all say what we have so young
Isn’t real and that I’m delusional.
Well, to contradict reality, sure.
But still, it’s the realest thing I know.

Better fantasy than nothing
Better to believe in something.

We’re in this together
Even if they laugh and call us crazy
You have me.
And at least we will be
“Delusionally” happy
For eternity.

Forever yours, Cassandra