You used to call me beautiful
You used to call me baby
You used to call me..

You used to call.

When people ask, I am just going to say, "I love you"

Because I don't know
what else to do

3 AM
will never
feel the same
without your lips

When
my phone
vibrates,

I
still
hope
it's
you.

I am jealous,
of the girl,
I used to be.

My cousin asked what my resolution was for next year
I said, "to survive".

She said saying that was morbid,
but I think it's morbid if you don't.

If I type on here that my heart still aches for you
and today I dreamt of your lips,
does that make it true?

I should've
known
my lazy
eyes
would land on
you.

You said,
"I just like people to know
that what's mine
is mine."

And that's how I knew
I was not yours.

My soul
has been dug out
with a spoon

And everyone's
had
a
taste
but
me.

And she said,
"he never keeps the good ones"

as if I was just another number.

I quit smoking and my words turned to ****
I quit drinking and my mind turned to ****
I quit you and my heart turned to ****

What the **** do I have left?

my heart -
it stops.
it starts again,
and again.

it seems
i’m always
starting 
again.

When she asks you if you're single,
do you hesitate?

'Cause I do.
I always do.

My day
will
come.

I keep telling
myself that he
don't love me

But why
can't I understand?

Your memory came back to me
And I fought it away
My eyes going back and forth between
The man with the mud on his sleeve
And the words I couldn't hear him say.

I fought it.

I look in the mirror and I don't see the same thing that the gas station cameras show that hang above as you walk in. I read before that we view ourselves 5 times more beautiful and I don't want to understand the difference.

I stood at the park watching the ponds sway. the ducks try to reach water through the ice and I thought for a moment about throwing myself in and if it was slush or if I'd never find my way out again. would my body just be a blue blob not because of cold but because of my sweatshirt I was wearing and if the boy sitting on the guard rail would run to save me but then i remembered boys always let me drown.

I sat in my driveway listening to the silence ringing in my ears with the fuzz in my head. Been hurting for days, I wish mites would crawl in and eat it away maybe there's a tumor there they could fix but the CT scan 5 years ago showed no complaint even though I complained about it.

No where else to go i sat in a deep stare and not that I want to die but it felt good to think about how it would feel not to feel at all cause even when you're numb something remains its like peeling off 3 layers exposing skin that lives underneath and that can be a very dangerous thing.

but my friend told me to keep crawling till I walk so I promised I would try. even with this overwhelming urge that I'm wasting my life.


It's gonna be another lonely night.

You left your memories behind again:
Change on the table
And my pillows, your scent

Some you still dream of,
some you do not.

I hope I see you.
I hope you see me, too.

When you breathe frantic as you sleep
I like to run my fingers across your chest
And slide my hand along your face
To let you know
That even in your dreams
I'll keep you safe

When I told you happy birthday,
you said that you missed me...

and then I never heard from you again.

He asked me if I missed the feeling
of being in love.

I told him that I can remember what it's like but I can't remember how it feels.

And I'm not sure if that's a blessing
or a curse.

please tell me why your heart pains for me.

please tell me how.

Whoever said
you get what you give
obviously never
met you.

I found your Smith and Wesson box hiding behind the spare room door
And I'm not quite sure how I never noticed it
Or maybe I didn't want to

It's sitting on the burn pile now
3 inches of snow beneath

I hope you didn't want it
But I really hope you do

Ask me where
my heart belongs
and I'll say,
"amongst the wreckage"

I can't believe
the amount of times
I wished that
you'd come back

Now that you did -

I can't believe
the amount of times
I wished
you didn't

Showing you my words
would be like showing you my weakness
would be like showing you I care
would be like you still do

Trying not to love you
is like trying not to eat chocolate cake..

You get enough to taste,
but you always want more.

7 hours
7 miles

Today I almost drove.

When will I learn,
you're everywhere
I go.

Everything I write
is so ******* sad

and I'm so ******* sad

and everything in general
is just so.
*******.
sad.

I said, "why am I not good enough?"
And you told me to quit
Your drunken eyes, they spilled out lies
"You always do this ****"

I wanted you to tell me
That I am all you need
My self esteem, no longer clean
From ***** hands with greed

Instead I stood and faltered
As I watched your dead blank stare
I can't control what isn't whole
You didn't care, you didn't care.

It's as cold as the snow that falls to the ground
As silent as the winter the earth surrounds
With the moon broadcasting it's dimming light
I will no longer love you, no more than tonight

Till the stars slowly sway with idle align
And broke hearts fly away on the arrows of time
Only then will the embers no longer ignite
For I will no longer love you, no more than tonight

And as darkness fades to take way my soul
And brings forth the pain with the undertow
Oh, morning be kind, please do not spite
But I could no longer love him, no more than tonight