When I first met you
I felt like I had known you forever,
telling you my secrets
and what I didn't want ever.
you listened to me
I bet you thought I'd never end,
who would have thought
we would become more than just friends.
Over a period of time,
I got to know the real you.
A boy so caring and gentle,
with a heart so true.
You've survived your life
with hurt and loneliness by your side.
I told you I'd never leave
because of the feelings I have inside.
I know you
like no one I have ever known,
and sometimes I wonder
what I'd do if you were gone?
So I have decided
time answers all.
If it is meant to be
time will remove the wall.
I love the way we are together,
you can always make me smile.
Will it ever really be forever?
I guess I will have to wait awhile.
Time will reveal, what lies ahead
but always remember
what I have said.
Meeting you has changed my life
and I really love you so,
the feelings I feel for you
I am never letting go.
Remember me always
and I will too.
I always think of
me and you

i had this strange notion that new clothes would make people want me.
like a tripping over a new stereotype and taking it home to dry
would make people notice me
like my pictures on instagram
now that i can hashtag "gamergirl"
"nerdgirl"
"glasses"
"geek".

like somehow big bows and tight jeans
loose sneakers and earcuffs
and fake glasses
would finally sort me into the right file
with all the other people
like me (?)

like me.
are you like me
as in the clothes i'm wearing
the movies i'm watching
the games i'm playing
are you like me like the words i use
like the smiles i smile
like the imitation kim kardashian perfume that i buy (?)

i had the feeling that people would notice me
that hipster boys in starbucks would take a sideglance, then go for another peek
that boys from ivy-league schools
would ask for my number
that gamestop employees would stand too close to me...
and i was right.

but being right doesn't always mean you're happy
and though i am somehow now interesting
and attractive
and easy to sort into small plastic boxes
i feel
empty
poor
cold
materialistic

basically, i feel like every girl i have ever envied.
i don't know why i envied them.

they are not like me.

Munch on some
       salty chips, chewy cookies, sandwiches of every spread,
            and of course instant cup noodles.
Sit back and tap your fingers to some
        tunes in that carefully constructed playlist.
Snuggle with that
        favorite stuffy bunny and catch up on sleep
While I---
I will keep my eyes open every moment,
        eager for the cinematic scene playing in the window
                of the Metro regressing back to its roots:
From the bustling city
with its mechanical hums and bright lights,
        to the sleepy village
        and its vintage stillness and simplicity,
                to the vast rice paddy
                like an emerald in the sunlight,
                        then to the thick, dense rain-forest
                        echoing melodic chirps and hoots.

The last cigarette of the pack
Life has been reduced to empty boxes
Trivial conversations
Hollow gestures
And bleeding fingertips
Listen , you don't need love
You need a warm **** to
Bury yourself in until
The storm passes
It's 3 in the morning
Half drunk
Half remembered
The minutes shatter in my mouth
Like glass and people
save me
That's all you'll ever hear me say
But Salvation is a passing car
On a one way street
To nowhere

I saw someone today who reminded me of you

they were sitting with a girl

drinking tea

having fun

laughing

I got really sad

because that could have been you

and I realized that

for the past year

I found that I can't see me with anyone else

I tried

to flirt with attractive boys

but



I





just





didn't





feel





anything



no tingly happiness

just

nothing

but with you

your name pops up

on my screen

and

it's you

I just immerse

with happiness

maybe

I'm

obsessed

that's such an ugly word

sometimes I try and convince myself

that I don't have feelings for you

I'm just lonely

but it's not true

because sometimes it works

and then you laugh

and I realize it can't be true

i'm pretty good at lying to

myself

i practice all

the time

but then

then you come along again

and ******

i falter

and my porcelain strength shatters

i live a messy

messy life.

your first pleasures were touch, taste and the arms that held you so dear
when the school bell rang for the first time, you felt fear
then you calmed at the sound of her sweet voice
you learned security

from the first gold star and smiley face
you knew you had promise
and with loving guidance you continued to flourish
you abided
you listened
 
your artwork told a feeling, it was scary,
but it drew people to you
Oh how they marveled!
you felt pleased and accomplished
 
what great fun you had joining the band
even earning solo perfomances
you were shy but you did it
 
your first love stroked your perfect hair
you were accepted
 
the sound of the wheels
and the feel of the board beneath your feet
brought a thrill
your scarring brought valor
 
a bounty of achievements
in such a short span of time
you were respected by so many
you felt you accomplished
you had the freedom to be whom-ever
without the pressure of a significant price
 

what happened?
 
was it that hard?
 
you knew what worked
 
was it your shyness or those who attracted you?
 
oh, the chemicals took hold and embraced you!
the temporary feeling of greatness that took hold of you
with no fear, accomplishment, promise, valor
it was done in one night with a pill
 
your arrogance has taken hold
you refuse to abide and listen,
did you ever think those who surround you,
feel so small that they see no way out other than a pill?
 
why do you think it’s always you?
 
what will you become if you cannot experience gain or loss? 
that’s what molded you
 
if you only knew, this substance is nothing
it has no feeling,
destroys reputations
depletes your soul
and ages you beyond recognition
 
the life of promise
and freedom you once had
is fleeting
but my dear,
it is never too late to recapture it