afraid of the dark
afraid of you
afraid of pain
i'm afraid of everything
and i most assuredly am
afraid of you
and how you hurt me
i am not going
to let it happen
again

all the times
we wrote letters
and held hands
while eating lunch
in the school cafeteria
all the many times
you said i was your friend
when i'd cry you'd comfort me
now you're not here
and there's no shoulder for my tears
and they fall freely
from my slanted eyes
and moisten my black hair
i'm crying and cannot stop
because you're not here

my heart used to soar
upon angel wings
but now both my heart
and my wings
are broken
will i ever heal?

i would give
most anything
to be by your side
just one more time

how come no matter
how hard i try
the pain never
goes away?

you said
you loved me
and i know that
it isn't true
if you ever say
that again
i'll know now
not believe your lies
ben, i loved you
and still do
i just don't want
to loose you
all over again
goodbye, ben
remember that
i love you
from the bottom
of my heart

i keep crying
my eyes sting
from the salt
no i don't cut
anymore
but i cry
i cry
bitter tears
all of them
i cried for you

the color of
your eyes
bleed into the
color of raindrops

blood
feel it
running down my fingers
see it oozing from my wrists
bright red blood
stains my enemy
my cold steel blade

as the raindrops fall
upon my window
and i think of you
my vision becomes blurred

i ran into a room
the floor was made
of broken glass
reminding me
of my broken heart
rose colored shades were
pulled over the windows
it seemed everything was
made of glass in some way
all of my broken dreams and
destroyed wishes are like the broken
glass which cuts my hands and feet
i remembered the day you first told me
that you loved me
and then i remembered
how you betrayed me
sending me text messages
saying you hate me
and so my heart is now
like the broken glass
on the floor of my
destroyed dreams
and lost love

you said
you loved me
you lied
i should have
known it wasn’t true
i should have known
better than to believe
your ugly lies
it’s all over now
just leave me alone!

you broke my wings
and stole my voice
you made me stiff
and ever so cold
the light in my
once happy eyes
has faded
and now my eyes
are hollow and dark
my skin is yellowed
by the teeth of time
feelings dark
and sickening
you were mean
to have left me, baby
now i have no one
and i'm left alone
with these sad
dark thoughts
darling, you
broke my wings

remember how
we would sit
on that familiar
bench at the park
and sip cold cherry coke?
those times are now
just sad memories
that make me cry
i remember how
we would hold
each others hands
in friendship and love
but you like her now
and you ignore me
which makes me
cry all alone
in my bedroom
because i miss you

that familiar
scent of coffee
reminds me of you
and how much
i miss not seeing you
will you ever come back?

lips are quivering
teeth are chattering
i am cold
my heart is numb
from all the pain
i've been through
and all the hardships
i've endured
and one of
the greatest ones
was when you left

i wish you would
come back
because i miss you
more than anything

you're not here
to make me stop
all my friends
have gone away
leaving me alone
no one understands
the secret pain
that i feel
because it hide it
inside my heart

i feel like crying
but i'm not
only on the inside

today i looked
at my cuts
they were all
healed until
i picked up my
blade only to
do it again
thinking of
you is far too
painful for me
and i cannot bear it
any longer
goodbye

sadness comes
tugging at my heart
dark thoughts
make me cry
as i remember you
just thinking about you
makes me sit up in bed
and weep until the tears
won't come anymore
broken cries and tired screams
well into the night
will no one understand the pain?
does no one even care?
dark thoughts
last well into the night
and i keep crying
weeping and wailing
out my intense pain

i missed you
when you died
you kept me
from feeling lonely
when i needed a friend
you were there
to lick my face
or wag your tail
your eyes tenderly
looking into mine
i miss you
or was this just
some bad nightmare?
a nightmare so alive
that i believed it was real?
no it wasn't
it was just cold reality
when death took you
away from me
leaving me alone
farewell to your
happy woofs

she's always depressed
and for one reason
he's not here
and never will be
so her tears fall
smudging her mascara
and blinding her eyes

tonight i think
i'll just fall asleep
thinking of you
and let your voice
blend into my dreams
i miss you, darling

sometimes
i put on my earphones
and turn my music on
playing all the sad songs
that remind me of you
and i cry until i cannot
sometimes
i wish you'd just return
and love me once again

i miss your
warm embrace
without you
i am cold
because its
you who
kept me warm

i keep thinking
about you
and loving
everyday of my life
i miss you

every night when
i go to bed
i dream about you
before i go to sleep
sitting up in bed
i'm thinking about you
do you still love me?
no you probably don't
you've made that clear
other times we've talked
but nothing has changed
i still love you
please love me back
the hurt in my heart
is unbearable
i want you and i need you
all i want is you
to love me back
i miss you
please come back
every night
i cry myself to sleep
because i'm thinking
of you again
i still love you

today i slid up
and fell down
i twisted my ankle
all you did was laugh at me
no one offered to help me up
they just stared and pointed
and laughed
as if it was a game
today i fell
and i wish i could've
become invisible
or just
disappeared

the smile
that i daily try
to plaster on my face
isn't genuine
it's done out of pain
i force myself
to appear to others
like everything's okay
even when it's not

why is it
that fear always
finds a reason
to embrace me
even when i
hope it doesn't?
i hate fear
but it seems
to like me
it can't get away
from me
no matter how
hard i try
i finally give up
and give in
to fear

i have been feeling depressed
these last few days
i don't know what to do
because i'm drowning in sorrow
my days of happiness are forever gone
i don't know what to do
the light has vanished
from my slanted eyes
i'm sinking further into depression
i can feel it nearly choking me
i have a sickening feeling
in the pit of my stomach
i am feeling so very depressed
these days and i can't take it no more
i'm literally trapped inside of depression
and i cannot find my way out again
help me someone help me please
i don't know what to do
i'm drowning in depression
and heartache
help me
or will this be
my final goodbye?

after all my feelings
of being hurt
and broken
feeling like i'm
all alone
after weeping
in my bedroom
no one knows or cares
after all i have been through
i finally don't feel a thing
i am beginning to feel numb

pain
intense pain
is felt
when blood
trickles down
my cracked lips
yet the pain i
experience daily
from my broken heart
hurts one hundred
times more
than the blood
that gushes
from my lips
or my arms

sadness and heartache
we can both relate
pain and blood
we both feel
the coldness
swallows us whole
broken mirrors
reflect a
brokenhearted soul
a person crying
for help night and day
there's no one
to release this
never ending pain
no escape
you feel trapped inside
as time stands still
nothing will
ever be the same

sometimes all
you need on a
cold day
is a cup of
green tea
a burgundy fuzzy throw
and a notebook
and gel pen
to write your
poetry in

the wounds
on my wrists
are healed
where i used
to cut
now can i just
heal my heart too?

healing takes a long time
but i'm finally
healing
slowly but surely
i'm feeling less and less pain
the scars on my wrists
and on my heart are healing
maybe even one day
i'll be happy again
who knows

did you know
that i cry to sleep
huddled in the corner
of my bedroom
thinking of you
each and every night
hoping you're okay?
i guess you don't
love me anymore
time flies by quickly
and i guess its hard
to get over the shock
of knowing that you
don't love me anymore
at lunch break in school
you're not there
you're across the room
sitting beside her
laughing and smiling
all the while
i'm sitting alone
crying
every time i sit on the bus
i am alone
you're not sitting there
my sister is
because you're sitting beside
that girlfriend of yours
will i ever get over the shock
of this horrible nightmare?
is this just some bad dream?
i pray each night
that this is not reality
you were
the only friend i had
and so now i'm alone
crying alone
in the corner of my bedroom
because i am now alone

finally home
from school
such a relief
to be away from
those mean girls
and boys
who forever
pick upon me
just because
i am different

i know it's hopeless
but i still wish
you would come back
i miss you so much

i like to read
in me and
my sister's
bedroom
sitting on my
pink fuzzy rug
cross-legged
i like to read
i hope
you do too

i love to write
i love to write novels
and let my
fingers
type
letter, words,
sentences,
pages-- a whole book
i love to write
poetry and
fiction

i'm drowning in
heartbreak
and my own tears
i'm tired of this pain
constantly stabbing me
to the rhythm
of my beating heart
i'm drowning in misery
and loneliness
all because of you
you were my only friend
and now you ignore me
leaving me alone
i'm drowning
in my own pain
someone help me

my wrists
spill blood
just like my pen
spills inky words
onto my notepad

i love school
because i love
to learn new things
and find out what
i want to do
with my life
and i haven't
decided yet
but i suppose
i will
when that
time comes

sometimes
all i want to do
is curl up
with a mug
of green tea
to just relax
and take it easy
if but for a few minutes
to cast all my
worries aside
just to have
a few minutes
of peace and
relaxation
just to have a quiet time
without depression
or a broken heart
how i long
just a few minutes
without stress
or emotional pain
just one time
please

i have always
been lonely
i need no one
pain holds me
in its dark embrace
once more
go away
just leave me alone
i have cried
every tear
just for you
and now you
don't care anymore
leave me alone

life is hard
and cruel
life has
bitten my hand
worse than that
it has broken
my heart