"You're crying again..."
"Am i?? ... sorry..."
"Stop saying sorry..."
"But i am..."
"Well don't be.. you don't need to be..... here, take this.."
"What is it?..."
"Vallium... "
"What? like .. like the Pidgeon film??"
"No you idiot that's Valliant.. this is Vallium... like the drug that stops you from shaking"
"I'm not shakein.. looks at my hands oh look.. i am, look at my hands ... ****"
"i know sighs you're whole body is shaking, i might put you in the bath with the washing, half an hour and you'd have even the whites clean"
"shut up that's not... spills drink while taking a sip true.."
"really?? take your drugs you ******.."
"you're a terrible doctor"
"good thing i'm not a doctor then.."
smiles
...
...
"Here have a tissue..."
"What for??"
"You're crying again..."

Hold me,
The cold me,
Tell me what you told me.

See me,
Free me,
But please never flee me

Charm me,
Warm me,
Oh but please, do harm me.

Because you feel me,
The real me,
Your property to peel me.

Hate me,
Wait for me,
It's not just my fate for me.

Drown me,
Don't you frown at me,
At my open gown and me.

**** me, please **** me
Have that rill on me,
If you will please,
Have blood spill me,
Your ***** fill me,
Have my spine chill me,
But please, after this, **** me!

In the thick of sticky summer heat
A voice that still makes my heart skip a beat
Run my tongue over the sound of your name
Knowing nothing could ever be the same

Your love was motion sickness on a highway
Your love was a red card for foul play
The double yellow lines we once sped by
Made a hole in my heart for you to occupy

Now that hole has become a shallow grave
Everyday, a vast emptiness I stave
More than anything, I miss your eyes
Or how for once, I needed no disguise

In my mind we get to roleplay
You say through the night you'll stay
We both wake with sun on our skin
My fingers trace the outline of your grin

But I wake with no sunshine near
The dark emptiness only brings fear
Every day is a cycle I can't break
My life is shallow and fake

Though you've left, I'm glad you came
Every cherry tree still speaks your name
Part of me wishes you'd hold me once more
Whisper that I'm who you adore

This summer I hope you find someone new
I hold no misconceptions - we're through
I'll always keep you near my heart
Now and forever, together or apart

your body is poetry in a language
I have always wanted to become fluent
dripping in platinum, your lips steel-*****
I hear a quartet commanding me
agave forms in your sulci and pours out
with every breath of your exhale
there's a constellation in your pupils
you are the very moon itself and I am earth
in perigee, my tides rise to greet you
every strand between us twists and weaves
unbroken helixes that connect but never touch
you shine and I can't pull my eyes away
from the contours of your cupid's bow
you move in slow motion towards me

I can be iron and steel, built of bricks
a stone tablet front you've etched into
now left standing like a memorial dome
an outline recognizable and familiar
this fallout doesn't scare me and never has
imprinted blackened ghosts lay at my side
nuclear shadows of what we had said
long before the plutonium sparked
I'll be left standing, though worse for wear
but even radiation can be cleaned with time
like the decades you both gave and took
and the love that both healed and destroyed

I have often wondered, since my birth
what is my body worth?
does the outside count more than in?
humans are all born of sin--
kavanaugh weinstein trump
treat women as objects to dump
is my body for their hungry eyes?
will they undress my sweet disguise?
aware that my body is not my own
aware of my safety when I am alone
please don't think I could ever be yours
please don't harass me and shout out slurs
is an ** worth less than an xy?
how have we all turned a blind eye?

pain can be a muse, too
it's twinge always familiar for me
that it begins to feel like home
and I gladly let it consume me

It means I'm alive,

I remind myself to use it
fill a canvas with an empty heart
remember what beauty looks like
even when blindfolded

and I remember,

in the darkness I can still
find your lips on mine
feel your weight against me
hear breath and words on my neck

pain can be a love, too

because without one
there cannot exist the other
so I'd rather take them both
than never experience either

Your silver tinsel smile
Warm breath against my neck
Lips parted and I can almost taste you
Bubbles line champagne glasses
Their edges soft as skin
The needle work
Your fingertips sew
Against my arm
Like rain drops on
A golden window pane
And a dull heart ache
At the bottom of my stomach
Pulling me under