Whenever I feel the world against me
I hear your voice inside me
I remember I felt stronger I felt defended

Whenever I could speak my mind
How couldn't I realize that with you
I could have finally been me
I wish I had trust in that Freedom to be
I wish I had known this was real and you were no enemy
I wish I had known
we could have found ways to share our solitude
without choking each other's space
without having to be someone else
without needing anybody else

It's not merely the possible endless questionning
That I loved with you
But the hope to find the answers somehow
together as a real team
You'd gotten my back as I'd gotten yours
We would have been able to get all the pleasure in our mind
only to dive in each question
not just for the answer
but to be in this together

We wanted the same I said many times it was not enough
You were more than enough
Any of other girls would have married you
if they had read my amazing list of the best of you
sure if if they had been able to bear with the worse of you

We would have been able to see deeper
disagreeing with peace mostly for the better
Loving not in spite our differences
but because of them
Knowing we were only at the threshold of this quest
knowing that the Guardian at the Gate might have been reversed for a sign for a pause
But the door was just there
Maybe blocked maybe locked

I miss the simple things
When I did not have to think
I miss being able to make you happy so easily
I miss seeing that special smile
And I never admitted that you were right I couldn't help but twisting things
This is how I am
These are all my doubts
These are all my fears tangling around me
I lied so many times
My fear of Bliss is real
I always comfort myself in aloness
I always thought having equating not wanting anymore
I feared of what was next
When you got the key to your quest
I just could not live
I just could not live
me and my fears of dying

I miss breathing in your neck breathing under your shirt
where I loved to hide myself
I can't describe how much I miss your scent

If I poured it out it won't bother me
I've got nothing to lose
For we is already lost
You've already done your best for me and you given me your worst

But maybe you were just a soulmate
we weaved silver threads to our spirits
You brought me all this learning
You made me feel beyond the yearning
I mean now I could live without this need for loving

I could live loveless if you could just hug the friend in me for eternity

I used to always been in such a state of emergency
With you it was always a question of life and death
I always chose death as a coward
I thought I would never have borne your rejection
God it's insane I am the queen of Drama and the wise Healer
God it's insane I know so many things but never was a keeper
I tried way too much to make you hate me
Oh God it was so easier much easier

Maybe all I needed was time that you freely granted me
As you let me go
And sometimes I wished to be missed
And sometimes I wished to be healed

Maybe this was the most absurd we could have lived
God we did not live a thing
With all this love we did not live a thing
There is no right answers to all of this
I should have let enter freedom and faith
I should have let enter acceptance
I only miss talking to you this was precious
And I made a mess of this bond
Your words your distance can still hurt me
But I only trust that you'd never play me
You would just tell me stop writing to me
Let the Past die and go , live