she used to light her cig
and let it hang on the
bottom lip as she
spoke about god
or denny mcclain

i never understood
what they meant because
they were before my

time

so i’d sit and listen to
dad say he was an agnostic
and my mom say she was a
christian and my grandma laughed
and said she believed they were
both correct on different days

mcclain turned out to be
a criminal, embezzler
i believe

maybe that was lolich
or god
i don’t remember

i was drunk on
pepsi cola
made right chips
and love

There's a bad stretch of road on Route Sixty-Six,
  that I've often heard truck drivers say,
is silent and bare, with a chill in the air,
  where travelers have oft' lost their way.

And the birds never fly in its overcast sky--
  the air always seems strangely still.
The dogs never bark and the moon casts a strange
  eerie shadow across the mill.

Most truckers avoid accepting a load that
  would cause them to pass through or near.
But I've never believed and refuse now to heed
  tales of superstition and fear.

Back in October of seventy-three came
  an offer I couldn't decline.
For a truckload of brew would be soon overdue--
  if no driver was found who would sign.

Having hard luck for cash, I took the dispatch,
  with no reason in my mind to fear.
I'd carry the load past that bad stretch of road
  and folks there would all have their beer.

With my cargo all sound I was soon out of town,
  on the road that led to the mill.
I felt happy and free--I'd received half my fee--
  I left bad luck behind on the hill.

Then a lightning bolt flashed with a thunderous crash
  And the sky turned a strange colored hue.
The clouds poured out rain in a world gone insane
  And a chill froze my flesh through and through.

I drove through the storm feeling sad and forlorn,
  then I rounded a hazardous curve,
where I got a surprise, as a sight caught my eyes,
  that caused me to veer and to swerve.

At the edge of the road stood a lady in white,
  with her thumb out to ask for a ride.
I hit the brakes hard and I slid to a stop.
  The girl eagerly climbed up inside.

I popped her a beer and the lady began
  to talk, as she sipped at her brew.
From the words that she spoke, it was clear she was broke
  and had missed more meals than a few.

So I took her to dine a little past nine
  at a cafe we passed on the road.
I watched as she ate all the food on her plate.
  then she smiled, as her story she told.

She sought a new life to escape all the strife
  of a past she could barely endure.
She'd left all to be free from her past misery,
  taking naught but the clothing she wore.

She told of her schemes to build on her dreams--
  to someday be a nurse wearing white.
She was nobody's fool--she could breeze through the school--
  and she'd work as a waitress at night.

When I got up to go she told me goodbye--
  said, "I know there's a place here for me."
She thanked me and smiled as she told me her name,
  "Just call me Nurse Nancy," said she.

So I paid off my tab and got into my cab feeling
  glad to be back on the road.
I soon reached the mill and delivered the ale.
  I was proud to be rid of that load.

The storm had now eased to a mild autumn breeze
  so I turned back the same way I came.
I hummed an old song as I rambled along
  and I wondered Nurse Nancy's real name.

I reached the cafe at the break of the day,
  so I pulled in for coffee and eggs.
When a waitress came by I said, "Tell Nancy hi!"
  And her hot coffee scalded my legs.

I had startled her so she had let the *** go
  and the glass shattered over the floor.
The poor waitress said, "You dishonor the dead
  making such jokes inside of this door."

I was sorely confused, feeling some sort of ruse
  had made me the **** of a scam.
But the glances and leers and the waitress's tears
  gave me cause to ask her to explain.

I could see her surprise by the look in her eyes
  that a trucker like me hadn't heard
Of a girl who'd been slain, named Nancy McClain,
  who'd been dead now for nearly ten years.

A man had came in from out of the rain
  to attacked her here in the cafe.
Shot her twice in the head and left her quite dead.
  then he somehow had gotten away.

She had worked for six years saving tips in a jar--
  "To pay for her schooling," she said.
But Nancy the nurse had left in a hearse;
    Nancy now rested safe with the dead.

There are poems that say in a lyrical way
  every thought that a man may employ.
But what lies in a heart one can only impart by the
  music a song may enjoy.

For music rings clear when it reaches our ear,
  bringing tears and laughter and hope.
It can sound the same as the autumn rain
  and say things that mere words can't emote.

There is music that's born in the heart of a storm,
  amid flashes of lightning and din.
Its a rushing sound of floods coming down,
  like the marching of ten thousand men.

It can sound the same as the cold autumn rain,
  saying things words can never explain.
Its a score so sad it can drive a man mad--
  so I cried as I drove in the rain.

There are things I believe and things that I know
  there are some things I just can't explain.
But I've driven that road with many a load,
  and I never saw Nancy again.

Compassion informs my outrage,

Skinny black kid,
super sensitive
playing the violin
for kittens,
pacifist vegetarian
tried to tell policemen
“I am not violent.
I’m an introvert.
I am different,”
as they choked him
then had paramedics
dose him
with ketamine.

Buds of pain
do not bloom
but burst, spray,
and sprain
my brain
that was self-trained
in the art of
kindness and reason.

It takes
less than five minutes
to break a mother’s heart,
to tare her world apart,
to shatter and claim
that they are not to blame
after unloading a full clip
on an autistic thirteen-year-old
who wasn’t mentally equipped
to do exactly what he was told.

Love and mercy
should rule the day
but cops make
violence great again.
Human suffering
is not magic
just unnecessarily tragic. cont.

Micheal Brown,
Eric Garner,
Tamir Rice,
George Floyd,
Freddy Gray,
Breonna Taylor,
Elijah Mcclain,
Linden Cameron,
Jacob Blake,
and so many other names.
There has to be a better way.

She purchased a Trilby hat in lieu of a Stetson
Her shoulders seemed to stoop
whenever she lit her famous Sobranie.
The rolling countryside always felt like despair
more bramble than Strawberry Fair
She found herself in New Brighton, bracing the sea air
a sought job in a Mobile Fish and Chip Van
was assuredly the Lisa Presley way.
But her heart hankered for Hull, the dare was brazen
to  partake in a  Photography class
to record civil disobedience.
Perhaps a suitable hat
would be a beret
for that inveighed look
our dear Sandra McClain.

He was perfect
Josh McClain
19 kind fun
And he was into me
He said he was in love
With my walk talk and at the time my purple and orange hair i wasnt falling for it he was so meant for me but two days after meeting him he was in a car crash hitting a car in front of him causing a casscade of cars to pile and crush him underneath he died November 24,2014 to days after my birthday.That's why i traveled the world to visit his grandparents in boston and his mother and father in arizona i lied im sorry the arizona boston thing wasnt for fun it was for his remeberance party i lied cuz i was,depressed im sorry thats why im more mature because thats what he wouldve wanted i need more support now more than ever

We hear age discrimination in movies?
We hear about lower wages giving to them?
And none accept or admit in certain cases why?

Action movies attract male attention.
And many males actor surely are paid better.
Many actresses are simply there as a love interest.

Are their female James Bond spy movies?
A female John McClain?
Or ***** Harry in your face actress?
What stopping them?
Upon jobs sure there is discrimination?
But if starting out on it?
Do you really expect starting pay to be the same?

Some departments in companies require more.
Ladies adapt, not all is discrimination around gender.
Let alone race?
We just speak and others think it.

Uvalde
A town you never heard of, you’ll never hear the end of
You’ve heard the end of
Guns in America, a story you’ll never hear the end of
The insecure White Man’s struggle ends with a massacre
A story that never begins in history, you never hear the end of
It’s always been going on, Elijah McClain, I hear him screaming in my brain
The pain is ongoing and I see this veteran policewoman walking towards a car
She’s got a gun in her hand and can’t tell the difference between a taser
Like the weight is the same as her heart and a feather, but it’s ******
White Supremacy, suddenly everybody is Kyle Rittenhouse’s defense attorney
Editing bodycam footage, standing around for 77 minutes and detaining
Your fellow officer whose wife is a teacher in the classroom, taking his weapon
And letting the school shooter reign free, rain bullets down on the
Nation you claim to love, so much ******* bravery, contaminated with agenda
Politics, frothing blood on the shores from sea to shining sea, ducking in the suburbs
From scopes that’s car windows reflecting the sun in the fifth day out the week of plus 110 degrees heat
It’s upscale for us, hell, close as bougie as you ever get when you can cook eggs on the street
The air is so thick with well-informed opinions that keep up with the world
Everyone knows everything, everywhere all the time anymore, and I try to avoid it
Hide from the anxiety, stay inside, idealistically cling to a shred of pride, the insanity I desire is structural anarchy
Challenge the integrity of a system that’s starving people, by flipping the tables and making the power-hungry just hungry
I’m just angry, you go into any atmosphere and it’s pretty clear conversations of social conscience run deep into consideration
Failure, on a historical, national, centuries-long, cultural level, not just any one people can be held accountable or responsible
Nothing can be solved with one tongue-lashing in one sitting, but nobody wants to hear that no satisfaction
Will come from the instant gratification of getting one over on the opposition
Who sit smug in defiance of each other, calm heads prevail even when they’re objectively incorrect
Because it’s not about logic, facts, truth or morality
It’s about appearing better than, media and perception
Appealing to the ego and id, ebb and flow of how to till an audience
Field them out, groom the youth and watch them grow
But truth is, the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do
That cop kneeling on George Floyd choked everybody who could see it was wrong
And he only killed one man with his actions, but caused all hell to break loose
If the world were a smarter place, they’d have tackled him off, detained him
Let the man in the hallway go, backed him up and taken action, but
Going online to defend White Supremacy, they used to go out into the world and put on hoods to do that
Kyle Rittenhouse took on the police department’s responsibility, he was 16
**** all the legalities, I hate lawyers and I refuse to speak with you on terms of legalese
This kid lived in a world where he couldn’t just be concerned about going to school the next day
Or playing video games, doing some teenager ****, no
He had to get an assault rifle, go out of his way to commit a double homicide, and people flock to his side to call it justified
What do you same people think about the yielding of Uvalde PD to a school shooter, active, in progress, who likely only wanted them to storm in on the rampage so they could commit suicide
Ignorance
The last chapter in American history because it will be the death of all of us
No arguments will endure one side not listening to another side not listening
When no one can make headway with a fair point, when you strip the right to choose based on autonomy
When you come after people for their differences, marginalize entire communities
Feeling so threatened you cry Marxism and quiver behind your idols, that you never noticed, sacred now institutions, installations of
Your unknown ancestry, history, let’s be honest, it’s not destruction to evolve the status quo in a positive direction for this hopeless society
Killing people out of reactionary fear, before they even do anything
Then rioting, splintering, there is no unity
There is no sanctuary, there is no safety
Peace is apolitical in nature, it just has to be, in that it is also injust
And politics are injust without being peaceful, but inspiring people to be hateful
Darker and more hateful than anything the eyes might ever see, they awaken evil in the cesspool, the spirit
Bubbling out of the mouth and over the teeth, fits of rage overtake the world stage
Like January 6th
You don’t get to compare your riot to other riots and say you did it more well-behaved
When you riot on the nation’s capital that’s like punching America, Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty, the constitution you preach like the bible and all the founding fathers in the face
My mind’s eye is swollen from the insight that plays on the news with the slaughter of these children, comparisons to the attitude surrounding incidents of gun violence and what it’s actually like to have mental illness
The Governor of Texas, mouth-breathing Abbott says, anyone who shoots someone else is not mentally stable, so police then
Murdering police who **** people all the time, and don’t even always use guns
A whole police department just stood by and let someone else **** children; I saw teachers trying to buy bulletproof vests online for their first graders
Kyle Rittenhouse is a symptom of a diseased mindset in America, if they won’t, he will then, and we don’t treat him
Like we would, we could, we should, I saw a light show celebrating his actions
**** the criminal history of the people he killed, judge, jury, nor executioner is on the head of the children
But, going to church, the grocery store, school, someone could just show up with two ArmaLite M15s and **** them
A Mossberg, Glock, Colt, Smith&Wesson and ammunition to fulfill the mission
Of raising stock in these gun manufacturing corporations, in the end
Because we set precedents with old money presidents, Donald Trump and the Bush Dynasty, Clintons and self-fulfill them
That we inherit sleepwalking promises of change, half-deranged, fall-guys for the previous administrations like Biden
And view one different face in this indistinguishable, old, white, grey spoiled milk on the fridge shelf of presidents as a beacon
There’s a systematic breakdown at the molecular level by legal minds far more educated and dedicated than mine
That are far more passionate, with more time, I’m just
Tired, God
I’m so tired of going outside and not knowing if there’s gonna be a Howard Unruh situation
Or that this America my nephew grows up in, will be so ****** up and, he’ll have teachers put bulletproof vest on his kindergarten supplies list
And I want to appeal against my better instinct to shooters to attack those whose job it is to protect and serve and fight back, to give a chance to the unarmed and innocent civilians
Go for your local police department if you need to pick a target, I implore you, if not for the impact, then think of it as a merciful act
They are carriers of the symptomatic disease infecting communities, leave unequipped people to live their lives, if you can’t be reeled back from your planned attack
I am so tired
It’s so hot it feels like the whole country is on fire and not from the sun
I could never be who I am anywhere else in the world, I want to love it here for that
But I don’t want to die here for anyone.

America I have bad news, the Experiment has been a success thus far, even though we’ve shown the world what an inside joke we really are, we’re on our knees and wounded, waited for this blood to become a scar, while the leader of the free world is hiding underground and golfing, Superman is no more a Superpower, we’re a bitter bunch of bullies, all behavior scored subpar, so I present to you a date to bear in mind from one hundred fifty five years ago, April 9th, 1865, put your hands down if you know, that’s where your Confederate flag belongs, the past, put it up in a museum next to the Iron Cross, you franchise the oppression that held back three amendments like the South would ever last, you want a dignified preservation of history? North Carolina, Virginia, all of you hotbeds of hotheads with your Civil War statues standing, take em down, dig up the past and lay the sites where your people protest to rest, nobody’s gonna miss a soldier they never knew, the worst thing you can do is stand by your self-imposed word to honor the sacrifice of a roadblock to progress, men who fought their own brothers, and lose artifacts they left there too, but stupid is as stupid will do so to thine own self be true, I was only raised in Texas, a state you can live your whole life in and never spend the same two years in the same town twice, the climate jumps from Los Angeles Liberal to Backwater Porch, and the weather jumps around like a frying pan popping rice, there’s so much bigotry and love I go back scratching my head over all the opinions like I’ve been given lice, if everyone would shut their mouth for a minute, maybe I could make up my own mind, and wouldn’t that be nice? So I thought about Jean, Ramos and Floyd, a man from Houston who died in Minneapolis, people made jokes about it, memes and laughed about it, they threw slurs around and their moral conscience came into my doubts about it, I thought about laying face down in bed, I’ve got a pillow under my head, my airway is not constricted this should not even be a privilege, when did the police fail to stop murderers before they left someone dead, Chauvin killed him over nothing, and no one stopped him, I thought about Abbott, what he has and hasn’t said, I thought about Chappelle and 8:46, this Shotgun Safari is not okay, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough to just say, and I don’t have a lot of spiritual energy, but I talked to God a lot yesterday, I can’t understand the white world where I’ve been allowed to live, when I’ve taken more than I can ever give, and I prayed! Elijah McClain, I listened to him screaming, begging, no one was there to answer while he spent his final moments in pain, but the cops protect and serve, so I can’t scrub the infectious smile, the brightness of his life from my brain, this young man did not deserve to be slain, and I listen to people argue and complain, white privilege and all lives, what about their lives? You’re not afraid to die if you walk home at night, if you’re sitting in your apartment, if you spend a twenty dollar bill, if you call the police up like a hit squad, is it you they’re gonna ****? Your lives don’t matter, the inequality is so severe you don’t even get the meaning here, it’s about balance, it’s about shifting the scales back, you can’t tell me you feel afraid for your life surrounded by armed cops, when a man can plan to **** as many people in a theater in Aurora, Colorado in a domestic terrorist attack and live to go to jail, and a **** kid has to die over nothing because he’s black. Even the police need police these days, but who’s paying, the president is incompetent, it doesn’t need saying, it’s been self-evident, the voice of change is the minority of intelligence in a swathe of complacent Americana morons, cries for effort earn you a place within the margins of the estranged, no we can’t all get along, we’re not friends, I won’t leave my home, I’ll fight you with my words to see it be the better place it can be, because I’m free to do so by any means, until I can’t hold a pen, until black lives matter and my life ends.

Manners over matters at hand, I do not stand, this is where I live, but it's not my land, you can live for anything and be killed for nothing, bring to bear a harsher march through marshes, a larger charge of volition, voices in unison with the same demand

the pandemic, it's systemic, of a cyclic, sick bicycle kick system, capitalist democracy, consumerism, candidacy cherry picked, politicians are an environmental hazard, one big oil slick, I feel the stress and anxiety, depressed and regressed as much into my shell as I can be, I don't look for encouragement from my friends or family, I'm okay, I'll keep my head down if no one has to keep their eye on me, if everything looks fine, nothing's wrong, see?

But I'm losing sleep, McClain, yours was an exuberant spirit, it was light, your smile was joy I could touch from a still image, innocence like that, I'm nowhere near it, your laughter is infectious and I'll never hear it, but your sobs, your final moments, burn like a poisonous fire inside, you were so full of life and you died in fear, it's *******, I quit, I'd never **** an American out of national pride, to be that lost as a cause my soul would abandon me because I couldn't even find my way back with a spiritual guide, I'd rather the right to remain silent be outright denied, so all the sealed lips are finally pried, there's no answers to anything without discourse and discussion, a dialogue from either side, when the people have exhausted all arguments, fight until the last drop of blood is dried, we celebrated independence, and Lady Liberty sighed, we lied, we're not United States, we are divided gates, I live in the suburbs, I know my neighbors are doing great, it makes my teeth grate, there is prolific hate, frustration enough to drive a man irate, it's like warmongers, embittered diminished returns, Iran, well I ran your license plate, found out where you ate, ready to catch you up and show you the drill, fearmongers, making ignorance stronger, wound up and ready to ****, tourists in your own home, killers homegrown on a bank loan, I'd rather dive off a bridge than enlist where I live, I'm in the middle of fair wars, I'm no fan, I'm no Afghani-Stan, they say power is measured in a nation's fleet of aircraft carriers, there's nothing scarier, than to have known, you could line em all up to hear the bray of ***** from the bay of pigs, a brigade of world leaders strafed by migs would get smoked like cigs, and they'd come for your kids in a draft before they'd come after me, offering up guns, they want your rising sons

I felt heartbreak for a young man I never even heard of before, cops mocked his death at his own memorial, I couldn't shake his beaming face and they pushed him through death's door, I'm unemployed, and I'm so ******* annoyed, by utilitarian standards he had every right over me to live, he was a massage therapist with a longer life to give, I'll never be half as loveable or kind at a glance as he is even now, if I could give you a second chance, you'd only have to tell me how... it's like they're big game hunters and big name hunters, with no shame under, remorse is important when you carry a weapon, if you use force you need to feel the brunt of that, it's no small indiscretion, being law is supposed to be tense, if you slip up on the job, people can die, and that guilt never relents, so where's the missing elements? There's ineptitude and attitude, shrewd and crude police, you cannot flash enlightenment, but the blues always come with some jazz and a sense of entitlement, it's a wonder where the good samaritan went, so, we live in this ongoing American Experiment, lab rats one and all, who knows what the hypothesis meant, equality was never sent, we can die for it and still be killed for nothing by the government, it's an abomination, the administration of conspiracies that bring stable geniuses to their knees, ******* generations and spread disease, no love for your fellow brothers and sisters, your voice they resent, ever since the end of the Obama-nation, we're dreaming of living within a wall, away from you all, with economic power and arms to stand tall, while from the inside out we fall, it's easy to pin every problem on Trump, he's the scapegoat to end all scapegoats, he excels at being the public punching bag president, but there's hail to the chief and there's head to the snake, it's a cancer, we're so strong, we held ourselves up for so long, trying to remain prominent, it's been imminent, if there's a countdown I'm giving it, under suffering, many people split, with no peace, no justice, only the declaration of a conflict unrelinquinshed, under the rule of total *******.