the order,
the routine,
the rules,
the reasons I want to skip class,
the reasons I do,
the reasons I get detentions,
the reasons I never show,
the schedule,
the lack of order,
the up,
the back down?
the back up then down again but across the school on top of it!
the swimming pool,
the ******* swimming pool,
the **** no I'm not swimming,
the I won't make it to math class.
the guidance office,
the guidance counselor,
the guidance counselor who says she hopes she's not taking up my time,
the period is my lunch,
the location i'm in,
the guidance office,
the problem,
the fact its every monday wednesday and friday,
the fact I may wanna eat,
the fact I wanna see my friends,
the fact you're taking my little social life away,
the bell rings,
the ring is the most joyful irritating noise I hear all day,
the fact I forgot about the freshman for a second,
the ring is the second irritating noise I hear all day.
the next class is science,
the fact your required appointment runs too long,
the fact your class is so far away,
the fact you have a minute rather than five to get there,
the fact you don't make it halfway before the bell rings,
the fact you start crying because you are late for class,
the fact your life is over,
the fact you duck into the bathroom,
the sticky doors are of no concern right now,
the bathroom stalls are all empty,
the middle one you claim and you sit,
the floor you sit, you cry, try to be silent,
the effort to breath, trying not to have a full on panic attack,
the things going on in your head,
the dread pours in,
the anxiety levels rushes in.
the thoughts poor in and spill even when its over flown,
the fact you call your mom,
the fact she gets you off the floor,
the fact she reminds you,
the fact you have to touch that sticky door,
the door you touched once before,
the hand you touch the door with you used to wipe tears with,
the sly way to open the door,
the silence you make,
the bent down head,
the quite,
the trying to act normal,
the nothings going on trip,
the way to the main office,
the fact you on the phone in the hallway,
the fact you made it to the office,
the fact the principal wants to see you,
the fact you start explaining what happened,
the schedule,
the wrongs,
the wrongs they caused,
the people they put in classes to embarrass you,
the abuse the teachers gave you,
the list rambled on and on,
the fact he yelled at you,
the fact he said you were not being respectful,
the fact this school never gave you respect,
the fact they took everything you had left,
the fact he continued to yell til the office ladys got up
the ladys got up,
the people flocked to the door,
the principal went silent,
the fact you still continued to cry,
the fact he acted as if nothing happened,
the fact he tried to say he was gonna fix it all,
the fact you both knew nothing was going to happen,
the fact you both were right,
the fact once you parted ways you were then greeted with a call down,
the fact someone sent you to the nurse,
the walk was the best part,
the pondering of what its for, allergies, medication information?
the arrival is shocking to you,
the nurse greets you and leads you,
the small room you cornered into,
the place where she asks to view you,
the places on your body like your arms,
the fact she implies other places could be searched
the next time
the fact you now know this will happen again,
the fact you having an anxiety attack,
the fact you wanted to say no,
the fact you know if you did,
the next act they'd do is send you to the hospital,
the scare tactics is not fair,
the fact you go home,
the fact you cry,
the fact you don't wanna go back to this place,
the fact they won't let you transfer,
the fact you have done all you could of done.
the fact that they still have the nerve to of ****** up your schedule.

[Misses]
I miss the way we used to talk.
I miss the way we both liked each other, but wouldn't fully admit it.
I miss how cute you were.
I miss the fact that you'd say something cuter than the day before.
I miss the fact that I wasn't just some girl you talk to every once in a while, I was like your number one.
I miss the cute questions you would ask.
I miss how we'd make each other blush.
I miss how we'd make each other nervous.
I miss how you'd stay up, just to talk to me.
I miss our 4 hour long phone conversations.
I miss how we said, "Lovers" instead of Love.
I miss how the age didn't bother us.
I miss how the distance didn't bother us.
I miss how we cuddled together.
I miss how it felt when you hugged me.
I miss your smile.
I miss the sound of your voice as you said those three words you'll never say again.
I miss how we became best friends then fell in love.
I miss the rush I felt when you told me you loved me.
I miss how excited you'd get to see drawings I did.
I miss listening to your song.
I miss how I could trust you so well.
I miss hearing you say you wouldn't stop loving me.
I miss how we would play truth for hours and have the craziest questions.
I miss having the feeling of safety just because I had you.
I miss the week from when I met you to when we started dating.
I miss the smile I'd get from talking to you.

[Hates]
I hate the fact that we've drifted apart.
I hate the fact that I didn't get to see you this time around.
I hate the fact that I'm afraid to talk to you.
I hate the fact that I don't even know what to say to you.
I hate the fact that you're so nice, I can never tell if you really mean what you say.
I hate the fact that I never kissed you.
I hate the fact that you never told me about her.
I hate the fact that you led me on.
I hate the fact that you never even loved me.
I hate the fact that you can't even tell what your own feelings are.
I hate the fact that you told me you'd wait three years.
I hate the fact that you pretty much lied.
I hate the fact that you can easily charm me.
I hate the fact that everyone thought we'd last so long.
I hate the fact that you couldn't even wait three weeks.
I hate the fact that I don't know if she's the reason.
I hate the fact that you only waited 3 days.
I hate the fact that you asked her.
I hate how you confuse me.
I hate how you broke my heart.
I hate the fact that I fell so hard.
I hate the fact that I love you.

[Loves]
But I love how you're giving me your sweatshirt.
I love the way you still want that bracelet.
I love the fact that you still want to be my friend.
I love the fact that you'll still visit me.
I love the fact that wouldn't change anything about me.
I love the fact that you opened up to me, and as far as I know, and only me.
I love the fact that you know you can talk to me about anything.
I love the fact that you give me advice...when it's about you.
I love the fact that you'll play along when I talk about, "Him" and you talk about, "him" too.
I love the fact that you still find a way to put up with me.
I love how you're considerate and won't boast about your new girlfriend.
I love how you still like me.
And I love the fact that you still call me, "***."