Please pick the words carefully
Because I don’t want to wish that I never knew your name
That if I could go back I would
And sleep in my comfortable bed
instead of meet you that day
We both said things we didn’t mean
Conjured up feelings I didn’t know I have
And it might be true that maybe it shouldn’t be me and you
Maybe this is just a chapter in our book
That needs to end
But understand that when we first met eyes
I did see forever
I saw you for who I wanted you to be
I knew of all the possibilities and
Unfortunately knew that loving you would be like you handing me a rope and pointing to the nearest tree
So please
What ever you are about to say
Please don’t **** me

As you look at me with anger
Your eyes providing a window to what really your heart is after
And I don’t know if what you are looking for is an apology
Or a promise to move on from this topic
In hopes of distracting me from finding the very thing I set out to free
I have grown callus to your statements full of resolve and sympathy
Understanding that life isn’t full of flowers
I find myself falling and tripping over false memories
Knowing the person standing in front of me is mimicking who they think I want them to be
So as you stand with chest out and eyes wide
Know that I’m not sorry
I know who I am
I just wish I could say the same about you

That reality faze into the background and suddenly I’m in a pool
Holding my breath
Surrounded by matter
But alone
And sometimes I wonder of how to combat
This
How to stop thinking of what my skin would like if I thinly slice a thread exposing the warm dark red underneath
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to let go of the matter
And give into the pressure
Stop living a life that was written in fairy tale font
Skipping over the intrusive thoughts
Jumbling my wants and my destiny together
And try to navigate a lie of a perfectly put together person
Of an imposter
And sometimes I wonder who I would of been if I just breathed in all the insecurities and confidently
Remind me

Little did I know that it wasn’t the dancing you minded but the music
You prefer it to be your own
And I think I get it now
After many years in sweaty places filled with strange glances from people that I don’t care to know the names of
Listening to the loud music
Sung by wealthy people trying to relate to the heartache
While they sit on golden thrones
Thinking of how I didn’t even want to go out in the first place
And that I should of just avoided it all together
But it wasn’t the loud place that I minded
But seeing your face
Across the crowd
Headphones in
Dancing
Wishing that I didn’t listen to the background noise
And instead listen to
You

Between my dreams and reality
Between wanting to remember and struggling with forgetting
And forgiving
The past versions of myself
Wanting to grow
But not wanting to shed the best parts of me
It’s overwhelming
Not knowing what is waiting around the corner
Not knowing if I want to stick around for it
All this changing that is forever happening around me
It’s difficult to know what version of myself I will be
Or who I want to be
Succumbing to the feeling that I might not have the choice
That sometimes its merely just living with decisions that I’m making
And breathing through it

Don’t live life in anticipation
But expect failure
Embrace it
As a memory that keeps occurring
Smile at it
But don’t be ignorant
Thinking that life will be easy
Believe in the best case scenario
And the plan that was put together since the beginning of time
Don’t focus on one thing
Because all you’ll get is dizzy
Remember the first day of any job you decide to take
So you will have something to compare a bad day to
Continue to learn freely
and embrace the times that you don’t know what you’re doing
And find someone who does
Gather friends for life
Instead of friends for a moment
Because moments mean nothing if there isn’t any memories put behind it
remember to take care of your family and values
For those are the things that truly matter
And don’t, under any circumstances
Forget me
Don’t lose yourself in the world
Because you will only be here for a number of years before you leave everything behind
So Keep your head up
Stand when you cry
Love and trust
And forgive and
Don’t forget...
Just Breath
Love, pass you

Remind myself that I am alive
Break my heart several times
Show my history like a map pinned where I started
Where I stayed
Remind myself that I need to move
That I need to run
Run away, or run to
Remind myself that I need to run to you
Because when I am next to you I don't need to
Remind myself
For it is with you I know I am alive
And it is next to you I don't mind staying