7 days ago

The silence sometimes finds me searching for you
The breathlessness of a forgotten night
You held your sanity within that darkness
I was afraid
I felt your fear
I felt your hatred
You pulled me under
I loved every cell in your messed up world
And you turned away
You left
You betrayed the nothingness
Of an irrelevant online friendship
Good to say
I learnt my lesson
There was no one quite like you ever again
I let you in
You broke me
You fucking broke my heart
But it wasn't reality
So as the darkness settled
There was no where else to go than up and out
So thanks
I guess I understand more about the situation than you first believed
But it made for some amazing poetry
I do miss that

I used to listen to you talking to me about all the people who were infatuated with you and loved you and I never sad a word because I didn't just want to be another piece of cotton wool in your delusional mind ... just needed to get this off my chest .. I'm happy now all is good in my world and I hope for you the same
Feb 21      Feb 21

Do you put me away in a box
Just the way you used to tidy away your toys as a child

Did your Mother say ...
One thing at a time
Put away what isn't needed right now

So here I am
Sitting in my box

Yep I understand
It would be easier by far if I didn't maybe

You are busy
With responsibilities
Your world becomes smaller
I think when I saw you last just for a moment
I realised how hard you find it all

It is an art
Sharing yourself with more than one person at a time
Sharing your time
I did give a sideways comment on the fact that
if this was a permanent thing
I would never see you
You assured me you would be better at organising things if that was the case

It makes me wonder if that is true

Are you really able to tip all your toys in the middle of the carpet
Are you able to de-compartmentalize your relationships

Or will you pack your toys away tidy at the end of the day

Would mother still agree that this is such a good way to be?

Does anyone in your life have the same problem .... what does compartmentalization mean to you?
Oct 12, 2014

You hold me so close
Sometimes it takes my breath away
Hold me now and never let go
Some times I fear the future
Because its something we never discuss
Its like a wall that we need to climb
So close and yet
Give me a foot up and Ill look over
I promise you will be the first to know
If I have the guts to tell my truths
Entwined in your arms
You are like the missing piece to my puzzle
I don't think I ever want to stop loving you
There is no escape from this place
Motivation is zero
Movement only takes us closer
Only a promise of tomorrow can break this spell
And so be it
I love hard
And fall harder still
You mesmerise me
Like a feeling of enlightened after a spiritual journey
Sometimes I feel vulnerable  
Not sure where this is leading
But unable to let go
Unwilling to ask questions
of what lies beyond the thoughts that you hold
Warmth lingers
Until tomorrow my lover
I would wait a million tomorrows
If I knew for sure you would be here
One last piece of my puzzle
And I am complete

Oct 12, 2014

So I want to write a book
I want to place all the words
My soul has bleed and splattered onto these walls
Into something I can hold
God dam emotional journey going on in my head  
Pulling up all this shit
Is making me an emotional train wreckage

Oct 9, 2014

A moment closer
To all I ever felt I deserved

A deserved moment
closer to all I ever felt

Oct 7, 2014

I shake off the feeling of dissatisfaction
The earth  shifts beneath my feet
leaving me once more hanging to a cliff
screaming for submission

Shimmer before the light of the full moon
Midnight is my favourite hour

I shall stalk the very skies in which you lie beneath
if only to catch a glimpse of the sun shining in your eyes
at the beginning of a new day

Awakening  my desire for life
You make me scream silently within my mind
I clasp my fist against my ears
willing silence to return
Willing peace to be resorted

Wisps of forgotten emotions lying upon the shore
of my thinking
Writing thoughts in the sand and letting go

What will I do I wonder with my
Thoughts swirling
Memories stirring

The frailty of my  human form
Keeps me crippled
Keeps me dissatisfied within my own skin

Sep 16, 2014      Sep 18, 2014

The demons lurk from behind sheltered memories
Pushed down for far too long
Their strength scares the hell out of you
Pushing down
Clawing their way into the light of the night
Scream if you will
No one will hear you
These are your own demons
The ones of your own making
Co-created within years of connectedness
Hell where are the perpetrators now
That you allowed to steal your peace of mind
And why is it the light of your soul didn't keep this from you
like chalk on a black board
Hell have no mercy
So shall it be
Look fear in the face like a child with the  world in their hands
No one will take this from you
It is yours to own so treat your demons with respect
They have learnt you well and keep stronger demons at bay
Let them scream and dance by the light of the moon
They are but healing and becoming the past
Kiss the ground on which you stand
Soak up the rays of the sun
They will settle again
Silently revisiting the files at the base of our soul.

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