1967 -    
  Aug 16  Rai
Aug 16

Woke with the sting of regret, it’s been too long since I fell,
I missed the rush of fresh air, I missed the taste of the smell,
I was in love with the tightrope, the stained glass of her eyes,
Bowed by the weight of surrender, I settled for compromise,
Watching those false idols dance, turning wolves into sheep,
As we played coy with the monsters that sang us to sleep,
I had a million places to go, and so much I’d hoped to say,
But I wasted another tomorrow thinking about yesterday,
And those sticky situations where we all came unglued,
While I daydreamed a sky that wouldn’t mirror my mood,
A slow dance with routine, and every face looks the same,
I was choking to death on the stale taste of my name,
So I started sanding sharp edges, hoping that I might fit in,
I spent a year writing my ending, so I could finally begin,
Dusting off open road acrobatics, I twisted south by the sea,
Searching for the rotting remains of who I thought I should be,
But it was just another battle that I lost to the war,
The same wrecking ball feet with new roads to explore,
Nothing quite felt right, my fingertips became springs,
I’d lost the girl to save the world, and other foolish things,
It was my first last-ditch effort, my best second guess,
I painted myself into a corner of the picture of success,
Fifteen-hundred miles, and still felt so far out of reach,
Until late one night my phone rang as I walked along the beach,
I told my story to the old man as he listened patiently,
When I finished, he calmly asked me to turn and face the sea,
He said, “The ocean is the journey, the sum of all you gave,
Do not lose perspective; this is but a single wave.”
I drove home that night and slept for the first time in half a week,
And when I awoke, the path before me didn’t feel quite so bleak,
I realized there’s no shame in letting someone catch us if we fall,
And that being lost is different than being nowhere at all,
I learned that each story is a lesson, not merely a scar,
And that all we have left is not the same as everything we are.

#life   #regret   #hope   #time   #thoughts   #growth  
Aug 10

On the verge of contentment
And the towers are falling once more
Everyone around me is crazy
And I cling to myself for comfort
But how can I survive
When everything meaningful floats aimlessly
Whirling upwards
Then crashing heavily
Against walls of our own making
Your dreams will come to haunt as well as comfort
I gave up looking for love
Leaving it to fools on verges who love to dispair in the arms of strangers
Who will only tare them apart and devour their souls
But love lies in the blanket of your grandchilds smiles
Love lies restless on the breathes of siblings who need to connect
As you do also and its pulling and suffocating but all so comforting all at the same time
In the eyes of my mother who has fallen head first into oblivion pleaded to me
My mother now the child and the adult that am I
And the question is why do I care so bloody much
I feel as though she is my child that needs wrapping in swadling
Unable to fend or survive alone
This pain and the distance from here to there pulls me apart
Rendering me hopelessly out of control
Anxiety racks my nerves leaving my appetite gone and my fears ablaze
There may be no happy ending here
But there will be a silence
A silence so complete

A silence so serene

May 16

Tell me the truth
If I had opened up and told you how I felt
If I had worn my heart on my sleeve so it was obvious
Would it have made a difference ?

May 15

She hangs the memories of what could of been back on the crooked shelf
Once a silence reigned where now the roaring of lions frequents her moments
To have to hold to free to let go to live to die to just be one self in a chaotic stage play
Hold her hand a while
Trace the veins which feed her soul , mind and body
She is not perfect
But somehow close for all her faults
You should of took it further
She would of held you for a life time
Fear is placed where humans dare not tread
Your  eyes swim with confusion
She can smooth the waters if only you could slow down
She has the music of mermaids and the power of the shaman
You let that go at the dark hour when you stopped and forgot to breathe
She held you there
Then you turned and walked away
Head held low as you fell in love with others who only brought you to your knees
Years passing
lovers come and go
She holds a small corner
Not in wanting but in yearning for
Not in yearning but in a knowingness
Once she loves she never forgets the taste upon her tongue
Pass by
Walk on
Head low
No more tears fall from these eyes
Love is gone
Now all there is a selfless understanding of belonging to one self
Connections blocked

Apr 1

Do not touch my fragile skin
Your finger tips burn my soul
I do not need the love you hold in your heart
It is dark and wanting
You stray from the path
The wolf of fairy tales is your guide
Slowly step away from me
Take your sun from my eyes and your moon from my nights
I love only the earth below my feet
All else means that this is no longer fantasy
Burning desire
Blood dripping
Miracles are made when we forget to distrust
You wandered passed me
You turned your head
I so wish you had turn down a different road
I'm happy alone
Shall I shout that from the highest hill
Now roll back down and retrieve your crown of thorns
Righteousness dressed in evil disguise
Do not touch my fragile skin
Please look down and pass me by
Your sight upon me burns my soul
I can't live that way again

Feb 19

No one comes here
A Barron place
Where bombs have been dropped
Words spread on paper like the blood spread across our conscience
Many battles have been faught and won here
Many man has come and gone
More gone than survived
I miss them all
Friends I thought were but candles flickering
Too tender
Too hurt and fragmented
Just visiting to vent or create
Or to connect with themselves through others
I step carefully through the rumble
There are too many ghosts
Wandering lonely
About these walls

  Feb 18  Rai
Jan 30

Have you ever truly tried
To change your mind
Of all those ways
We're taught to think

Like how to measure human life
On a blueprint of love and hate
All those years of fairy tales
Invisible spirits tied to fate

Have you ever questioned
Your mother's sighs
Or your father's
Heated rage

How could we have navigated
Through the darkness
Of our youth
Freshly developed brains
Washed in vintage child abuse

But here and now
Is where it starts
The evolution of our hearts...

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