Rai
Rai
Jun 13

When I was a child I thought life would be simple
Grow up
find yourself a prince
Then settle into a life which fills up all your desires
Hopes and wishes
Time was mistreated and now years later
Bones crushed and mended
Bruises faded and gone
Tears in my heart still hurt
Because I never did it right
Never found my prince
Many a frog in prince's clothing have come my way
To tease the very thought of love
To beckon and not deliver
To love and to leave
Now I am in limbo
A partner who lives in his own shell
Un needing for a life of companionship
Work and responsibilities taking up precious time
I feel alone so many times and I cant stand it
A hand to hold for just a moment
Moments are fleeting but few
But what else can there be
I fight with my feelings of unworthiness
Or my neediness
But wanting a lover and companion for more than one day in a fortnight surely that's not strange and clingy or needy
Maybe I'm just not cut out for this
I love him
But he never lays his hand upon my cheek whilst I cry
He never rubs my shoulders when they are sore
And he is not there for me to give the love I have in my heart
A crossroads
Tears fall and splash list fully upon my cheek bones
And then I will carry on living the single but not quite single life
Which comes with the absent lover

Rai
Rai
May 24      May 24

I came to read
And read I did until my eyes blurred
The tears smudged out the words
But my heart was full of the pain and darkness
Your heart laid upon a slab
Sacrificial trembling's of some forgotten ceremony
Acted out in style
Every detail
Every single breathe taken
Felt in moments of desire and lose
With each betrayal of time
Within each moment of madness hidden
In spaces so sublime
I found a moment when
Your pain turned into my tears
Walk lightly
Love deeply
Sleep soundly
The light may seem gone
But place your hands upon your heart and know there is still
A place where those we love awaken
And hold us so close
Because we loved and allowed them
The moments they needed

We are connected and separated and each mirror cracks only to show us our true selves ...
Rai
Rai
Mar 13

A missing piece
That's how I'm feeling
Like I'm missing you
And the tears just fall uncontrollably
I find it hard to breathe
Silent in my own darkness
And you on the other side of knowing
If I you walked passed me you probably wouldn't give me a second glance and I cant say id recognise you with the lines of years gone by
But know this
You told  me of how they all loved you and I stayed silent
We laughed and joked and you never knew
And you held my heart and I stayed silent
Your friendship ment more
Your betrayal
Your vulgar words in rhythm
And still I loved you
That was the moment I knew
I would love you
But to expect more was just a figment of illusion
All is well
But in these dusty corridors I still here you whistling your tune
And I miss you more
I just miss you more than I should

Rai
Rai
Mar 8

Spiralling out of control in a downhill motion
Longing for anxiety to cease
This usual peaceful heart is beating irregularly
Unable to hold on to the slippery edge of reality in which one finds oneself
All she wants is for someone to really understand the stirrings of her soul
But alas no one comes close
A lover who never puts himself on the line
Everything set in stone because he does not like the human race that much at all
But she needs to feel needed
I guess that's what he lacks
He thinks she is an independent lady
Happy in her own skin
able to do without his arms to hold her as she leaves the last breath of the day behind her
He is not the one
That scares her because she wanted so much this time for this to be real
Hold fire for she is creating this
She knows better
But the yearnings inside are screaming
SCREAMING
and its tearing her apart

Some times we feel anxious but don't actually know why .. today is one of those kind of days
Rai
Rai
Feb 25

The silence sometimes finds me searching for you
The breathlessness of a forgotten night
You held your sanity within that darkness
I was afraid
I felt your fear
I felt your hatred
You pulled me under
I loved every cell in your messed up world
And you turned away
You left
You betrayed the nothingness
Of an irrelevant online friendship
Good to say
I learnt my lesson
There was no one quite like you ever again
I let you in
You broke me
You fucking broke my heart
But it wasn't reality
So as the darkness settled
There was no where else to go than up and out
So thanks
I guess I understand more about the situation than you first believed
But it made for some amazing poetry
I do miss that

I used to listen to you talking to me about all the people who were infatuated with you and loved you and I never sad a word because I didn't just want to be another piece of cotton wool in your delusional mind ... just needed to get this off my chest .. I'm happy now all is good in my world and I hope for you the same
Rai
Rai
Feb 21      Feb 21

Do you put me away in a box
Just the way you used to tidy away your toys as a child

Did your Mother say ...
One thing at a time
Put away what isn't needed right now


So here I am
Sitting in my box
Waiting

Yep I understand
It would be easier by far if I didn't maybe

You are busy
With responsibilities
Your world becomes smaller
I think when I saw you last just for a moment
I realised how hard you find it all

It is an art
Sharing yourself with more than one person at a time
Sharing your time
I did give a sideways comment on the fact that
if this was a permanent thing
I would never see you
You assured me you would be better at organising things if that was the case

It makes me wonder if that is true

Are you really able to tip all your toys in the middle of the carpet
Are you able to de-compartmentalize your relationships

Or will you pack your toys away tidy at the end of the day

Would mother still agree that this is such a good way to be?

Does anyone in your life have the same problem .... what does compartmentalization mean to you?
Rai
Rai
Oct 12, 2014

You hold me so close
Sometimes it takes my breath away
Hold me now and never let go
Some times I fear the future
Because its something we never discuss
Its like a wall that we need to climb
So close and yet
Give me a foot up and Ill look over
I promise you will be the first to know
If I have the guts to tell my truths
Entwined in your arms
You are like the missing piece to my puzzle
I don't think I ever want to stop loving you
There is no escape from this place
Motivation is zero
Movement only takes us closer
Only a promise of tomorrow can break this spell
And so be it
I love hard
And fall harder still
You mesmerise me
Like a feeling of enlightened after a spiritual journey
Sometimes I feel vulnerable  
Not sure where this is leading
But unable to let go
Unwilling to ask questions
of what lies beyond the thoughts that you hold
Warmth lingers
Until tomorrow my lover
I would wait a million tomorrows
If I knew for sure you would be here
One last piece of my puzzle
And I am complete

 
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