I can barely remember
how it felt;
that moment when
the blurred vibrations
set in

things make sense when
your feet don't touch the ground

reality was then a whisper
and now it is yelling in my face

reality is the cold tile floor
reality is the wildfire
reality is the car crash
reality is the hunger
reality is reaching for the pill
& the insatiable thirst for the bottle

reality is heartless
it is unforgiving

and the harder you try
to close your eyes
the more vividly you see

reality is always winning

and I'm
so very
tired
of keeping score