Over and over,
Round and round.
Killing the mind.
Sealing the mouth.

Smiling, laughing.
Bullets in my head.
The worst part is
They don’t know
I’m almost dead.

Begging the heart,
Not my own will.
I’m holding the gun,
Just shoot. Don’t ****.

Haven’t you learned?
You’re hurting me.
You’re hurting us.
Just let go of me.

But you’re not holding on,
I’m gripping the knife.
I’m killing myself,
With no blood on my arm.

Blood on my mind,
Heart, soul.
Telling my own heart.
To leave me alone.

Nobody knows,
No one understands.
I am being murdered,
By my own hand.

Please don’t help me,
Because if you do
I’ll be so happy
Why can’t you see?

You will come.
You will leave.
I’m back at the start
Pulling the trigger.
Destroying my heart.

But I have none.
Not one small scar.
I’m perfectly fine,
If you look from a far.

As you look from a far,
At this dazzling star.
Shining for you.
A beautiful flame.

So, that very flame,
Is the cause of my pain?

Unstoppable, Unbreakable,
Slowly killing me inside.
Soon I’ll disappear,
But I would not have died.

My heart, my flame,
My mind will be dead.
I torture my soul,
With every thought in my head.

How to describe it,
To describe my death?
Well my heart took a gun,
And killed itself.

Why? You ask?
Well that’s painfully simple,
And horribly true.
The cause of my abuse,

Is my love for you.

30.12.16