my bed sheets became a portal to escape, trading hours and hours for restless naps. am i tired or sick?
my favourite book, shows and hobbies seem estranged, senseless and dull. am i bored or sick?
my walls are back up, providing me with desperate digital and physical isolation. am i antisocial or sick?
my appetite is no longer a reason for me to travel all the way to the kitchen and eat. am i lazy or sick?
my problems and pain suddenly "block" me from helping the people that i love. am i selfish or sick?
my pain doesn't feel justified and it feels as futile, stubborn and pointless as healing tell me, am i weak or sick?
am i both? neither? does it switch? does one cancel out the other or does one allow the other?
finally, and most importantly am i ever going to get an answer? or is this quandary eternal.
11.08.20
i'm very tired of battling these questions against myself whenever i feel the way i do. i can't tell if it's me, if it's normal or if it's my sickness.