you know that I love you
and admire you
and respect you.
I've told you this,
I've wrote you this,
I've expressed in every way,
but I have to be honest
it's not always like that.
Sometimes I wish you were like other moms
and didn't demand so much from me.
I wish you could simply be happy to see me happy
and that you didn't make me feel guilty about having fun
and being normal.
You manage to, in a split second,
make everything that pleases me
and my entire world
seem pathetic and meaningless.
I try to be strong for you
and to be exactly what you expect me to be,
but I can't.
There are parts of me that I felt like I needed to hide
in order to make you proud.
I wish I could be the real me with you,
talk ****,
wonder about life
and just be natural,
without having to worry about your judgments.

I just miss being with you,
without the world, your past and the whole family
weighing us down.
Being with you,
without you feeling guilty for not being with them,
and criticising me for not being like you.
At the same time I admire you for all that,
sometimes I wish
I just had my mom as a friend,
not as the wife, the daughter, the aunt, the sister
you are.
Maybe I just have to accept
that it's always gonna be like that.
Maybe I'm the one who's wrong
and too selfish,
like you said.
I didn't wanna be like that.
I wish you admired me the way that I admire you.
But I just can't reach all your expectations
and i wish you didn't hate me for that.