I'm the one before 'the one'
The guy they **** before they meet with luck
I teach them to come 
Cos they couldn't before
Many had tried and failed
They'd ******* in every position,
Of their own volition 
But hadn't been able to get off
Then I turn up
And they're squirting like a drain
Life before me must have been such a frustrating pain.
I'm the one before 'the one'
The guy they try out for size
More than Meets the eyes
I'll teach them of the bard and dickens
I'll show them culture to make their pulses quicken
Give them the dark side and tie them down
Then show my nice side, soft as an eiderdown
I'm the one before 'the one'
Destined to be alone 
Watching old loves get wed
And wondering if this one might stay awhile longer before she leaves my bed.