she told me "if you ever loved me then you should have fought for me, battled with your heart not with your words, even if it results to bruises and broken bones"

"if you loved me then why did you easily let me go"

it stayed in my mind for a long time, so long that i can still remember the phone call i got that night and the screams i heard as your mother told me she needed my help to calm you down because all you ever did was love me, all you ever wanted was to be loved back

my heart never beat so much faster than it has before. i wanted it to stop, i wanted everything to stop, i wanted you to stop

to stop thinking about me, about us, and everything that has to do with the things i did

i know what i wanted, i know that i never fought for you that way you wanted but that doesn't mean i never tried

and you will never know how it's like to fake it all out, because to you everything was real and it was the exact opposite for me

and you will never know how much i regret every time i wasted. you were horrible, you controlled me emotionally to get what you want, and you tell me that it's "love"

and you will never know how it's like doing every single action with a hint of regret because i keep telling myself it's always gonna be the wrong decision

and you will never know how it's like to be loved by me, how it feels to be fought for by me, how it feels to see me break my bones for you because i will never give you the satisfaction

the satisfaction that you can manipulate me again because this time i tell myself that it's over

i'm sorry if you didn't get what you wanted but you shouldn't have went so far just to get it

so here i am, in the corner of a dark room, breaking my own bones, collecting the fragments, because i have a wish to make

that these bones i break will now be for myself

that the ink i spill and the thoughts my mind consume shall never be yours

that after i make a wish out of my bones

i hope

i hope that it would come true

that my pain will suffice to pay for the past that i want to be gone