I worry about you

Some nights I soak my pillow
then cry into my hands
I try to press against my cheeks as tightly as I can
and convince them that they're laughing

One time, I cried all the way to your house in a taxi,
rushed to your bed and cried on there too,
we drank smoothies that day

I worry about you
I worry and I can't tell you
I don't wanna worry you too

I wish I can look into your eyes and tell you I forgive you,
and mean it

When I'm crying,
I feel like I'm suffocating by a lump in my throat
I think my pride had made its way into my airways, hoping to be coughed out
But I don't cough it out, I keep swallowing it back in

I guess this is how it feels

I guess this is where I am

I trained my feet to keep walking it feels so weird to stop

And tomorrow's gonna be different

A different reason to smile in the morning

If you ask me how I ended up here
I'll tell you I was blindfolded
and dragged to an unfamiliar ocean
dropped on to a boat made of
cheap sheets of wood
The waves are taking me away
and I'm yelling off the top of my lungs
and everyone I know is on the sand

no one is helping me

except you