Dec 2016
Break my bones,
Just not my heart!
If I could force myself awake I would,
If I could push away all the nightmares, I would.
But I can't.
And within my sleep
I find no peace
From what was done,
Or who I was.
And I can feel cool, dry air
Rushing through my pores,
And through my nerves into my bones.
As my teeth clatter and my limbs shake
I am become vividly aware
Of the smell and taste of blood
That I can't quite get rid of.
No matter how many times I brush my teeth,
Or how often I prepare baked goods,
It lingers in the back of my head,
A memory that is much too real,
Much too there.
But each time I close my eyes,
I find myself drifting in the ****** ashes
Of bridges I had to burn
To preserve whatever sanity I had left.
And the fear that our bridge may be one
That will be burned in some way, shape, or form
Brings the flashbacks to a halt,
And I wish I could say, within the dream,
That I was demanding and loud
And told you not to.
That I fought tooth and nail
For you to stay.
That I chased you down.
That I begged you not to disappear like everyone else.
I wish I could say that.
But I didn't.
No. Instead I only said,
"Break my bones, just not my heart."*
And into the darkness you receded,
Ignoring my wish,
Just like everybody else.
Just not my heart!
If I could force myself awake I would,
If I could push away all the nightmares, I would.
But I can't.
And within my sleep
I find no peace
From what was done,
Or who I was.
And I can feel cool, dry air
Rushing through my pores,
And through my nerves into my bones.
As my teeth clatter and my limbs shake
I am become vividly aware
Of the smell and taste of blood
That I can't quite get rid of.
No matter how many times I brush my teeth,
Or how often I prepare baked goods,
It lingers in the back of my head,
A memory that is much too real,
Much too there.
But each time I close my eyes,
I find myself drifting in the ****** ashes
Of bridges I had to burn
To preserve whatever sanity I had left.
And the fear that our bridge may be one
That will be burned in some way, shape, or form
Brings the flashbacks to a halt,
And I wish I could say, within the dream,
That I was demanding and loud
And told you not to.
That I fought tooth and nail
For you to stay.
That I chased you down.
That I begged you not to disappear like everyone else.
I wish I could say that.
But I didn't.
No. Instead I only said,
"Break my bones, just not my heart."*
And into the darkness you receded,
Ignoring my wish,
Just like everybody else.
