when i am sad, oh god i'm sad
but when i'm happy, dear god i'm the happiest person on the planet.
but those moments are fleeting.
those moments of pure, unadulterated happiness are the moments
i long for the most.
it's like i'm chasing a high i'll never get.
i'm like an addict,
constantly looking for my next hit in whatever crosses my path,
a cup of coffee,
a friendly face,
a song,
the sun on my skin,
leaves crunching under my feet,
trivial things,
anything.
those small things that used to bring light into my world
barely create a spark now.

i was doing well,
i was genuinely happy.

what happened?