i loved her a lot you know?

she made me feel like i was ******* immortal. kissing her was practically my high. i counted all the freckles across her face every night before we fell asleep, kissed the ones that were sprinkled on her shoulders. i could have snaked my arms around her waist a thousand times, and never tire of the softness. or compare her skin to snow, every time it stormed where i was.  
she didn't take away my depression, but she made me forget about it. she made it easier. it was like a hurricane inside my head and her eyes could still the storm, even just for a second. and she was so kind to me, far kinder than i've deserved because i left her and i ****** it up so now she's gone.
do you hear me?

i ****** it up.