45. Male. Misanthrope.
45. Male. Misanthrope.

Each day fades to nothing,
No matter the lies
I tell myself.
The hardest words to say,
So easily ignored.
Trying to exist
For the only reason
that should matter,
The urge to live.
Shouldn't I feel that?
Shouldn't I breathe
And swim in glory (if only rarely)?
Instead, I cannot keep the night at bay —
The darkness without question,
The Underworld.
Tell me there's something else.
Let me feel again.
Some sweetness, Forgiveness.
Pleasure, Passion.
Truth. With new eyes.

Write, delete. Write, delete. Can't get my fucking head straight.

I remember sunlight
On my skin,
I remember feeling I was alive.
I remember your
Warm engulfing touch.
I remember feeling less alone.
I knew these
Moments would be gone.
I knew that I'd be
Swallowed whole.
It was always
A dream, within a dream.
A precognitive unreality.
The good times —
Just a sham. Giving way
To my true damnation.
It's all just a joke.
A sweetly whispered torment,
A loveless Siren song.

Feb 28

I loved so much
I became just a husk
Drained of all the goodness
Though my heart is intact
Every facet it lacks
May as well
Be hung on a hook.

Feb 16

Oh fuck your heart!
It didn't care at all.
You left me in
The gutter
But couldn't stand to watch
                                          me fall.
The words we shared
Were meaningless.
All truths
Are null and void.
I guess it didn't matter,
You weren't the one being destroyed.
So run!
And call it mercy
If it helps you sleep at night —
You can rename an atrocity
But it'll never make it right.

Feb 16

I used to think
It was cruel
I was left like this,
That a lover should hear my plea.
I've changed my mind
Over some time.
No woman should ever
Settle for me.
I was a vital young man,
A wild stag
time changes everybody.
Now I'm bitter. I'm weak.
A heartless freak,
No woman should ever
Settle for me.
Think of your Beauty,
Think of your worth
"True Love" shouldn't be charity.
All I'd show you is woe
It's best that you know —
No woman should ever
Settle for me.
Save your kisses,
Your words.
All the effort you spend
I mean that
Go chase your dreams!
As I fall apart at the seams.
No woman should ever
Settle for me.

Feb 15

From far beyond
I fought against the waves
Pushing for years
Against this ugly tide,
Only to be left a corpse
Bobbing uncontrollably
Without will or whim,
My lungs filled with brine
Dragging me to depths unknown.
I see not a solitary soul
Down here, amongst these
darkened fathoms.
Not even the stars — so bright,
Can reach me now.
Sinking into my own
Silent universe.
Was it better to have known company,
Only to feel its loss?
Years now.
Tens of years.
Maybe I was always alone,
Just a shadow walking human shores.
A dream that lost track,
A foolish daydream.
Now I am home
Hidden from everything —
Swallowed by nothing.

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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