You are all drowning in nothing but your own worst fears
Struggling to breathe through the thickness of your anxiety
Slowly dragging your aching muscles to the surface only to lose all progress at the slightest push
Your lungs feel as though they are about to collapse
Your stomach is in knots and your mind is a mess
You hope to die in the midst of your struggle to reach the surface
You find yourself praying without any belief in God, just hoping for a helping hand
A hand that will pull you from the freezing water that has become your life
The water that has filled your lungs, your stomach, your mind
Anxiety
A feeling that washes over you with every thought, every movement

Tonight
While everyone got drunk off the drinks in their hand
I got drunk off the love in my life

You tell me you were a fool
I lay no judgements on you
I hold you high upon my pedestal
And hope to God you do too

Nothing you ingest or confess
will remove the hollow feeling in your chest.

I bet she knows you better.

The stubble that I've grown to love,
your inquisitive eyes,
your laugh.

I bet she's seen it all and heard it all before.

I wish I could be the one to make you feel,
to make you love,
to keep you safe.

I bet she did and I bet she will.

I am afraid my demons have warded you off
My demons are solid, my demons are not soft

The joy flashed across your face
The saddened creases faded
You became whole again in that moment
and today was the first day that we believed in remission

What has been inheriting your soul has been lifted
The reminders have been removed from view
You are you once again

All that can be asked now is for continuity
Let the joy of remission and comfort continue

You say words that remind me of him
but you're different

You're handsome and kind as was he
but you're different
You have goals and dreams
You have patience and gratitude

You're so out of my reach
but so was he

Today, I thought I felt something
A spark, a flame between us

Today, maybe I was wrong
There is no spark nor flame

There is
doubt,
vulnerability
and confusion

One day, not today
there may be less of the bad and more of the good
I hold my breath now and wait for that day

I do not know the way you speak, walk or laugh
but I would like to
Surely you are not perfect
but show me a flaw
I cannot have you as mine
but I like to pretend
I do not hold your heart
but please allow me
I want you,
the way you speak, walk and laugh
the way you appear flawless
the way you fight my grasp on your heart
I want you, as mine

I now know the way you speak, walk and laugh
Surely, I know you are not perfect
but show me a flaw that changes my mind
I now have you to call mine
yet I still have to pretend
that I hold your heart
So please allow me
I want you,
the way you speak, walk and laugh
the way you appear flawless
the way you fight my grasp on your heart
I want you, to stay mine

Your love is like the taste of tonights first drink
So cautiously consumed
and hard to swallow,
yet so desired
Your love is the burning sensation that consumes me from the inside
The burn that slowly numbs me
The bitter taste of tonights first drink let me forget the dark side of things
Your love is tonights first drink

Your words act as fists on her fragile soul
The bruises are forming now as the wounds start to show
Her heart is now pounding,
"They always heal slow"