My body was once a blank canvas

But that hardly lasted very long

People came and they went, each leaving a distinct mark

Some of those marks are still highly present, while others have since faded

The marks that are most visible are the ones you left

They’re on my skin and on my bones

They have penetrated every aspect of my being and it is impossible to scrub myself clean of them

I can only hope that by adding to my canvas that you will eventually fade

I can only hope that someone comes along who leaves writing and art and a beautiful masterpiece on what was once blank

I can only hope that what I add to my canvas covers what you left

I can only hope that my canvas remains intact from all those who have left their mark

There is so much I want to add to my canvas

There are experiences and art and people that I have yet to know

I want to never be blank again

I want vibrant masterpieces painted on my body, on my bones, in my soul

I want people and experiences to come and leave their mark

I want to shine bright and happy to that those I reveal my canvas to

I want all that see my true colors to know how unique I am and that I am not like everyone else

The canvas of my body may have once been blank, but those days are long gone

The canvas of my body has been painted, torn, repaired, cleaned, and painted again

The canvas of my body is something that is uniquely mine and if I reveal myself to you, you better feel **** special


-m.j.

I long for your hands interwoven with mine

i crave the feeling of your touch on my skin

your hands running through my hair and across my cheek

the sensation of your fingers running up and down my body

i want you, only you

for us to be laying side by side

our bodies as close as physically possible

you pulling me in tighter and tighter

i long to be completely and utterly yours

i want to spend lazy Sundays with you in bed

spending the whole day in pajamas, quoting movies from beginning to end

you could have absolutely all of me

i crave you

-m.j.

Forty eight, the number of so called “friends” that I have lost on Facebook since voicing my opinions.

One of them was my uncle, who thought it better to simply unfriend me instead of following my polite request to stop sharing certain opinions with me.

Red, the color of the innocent blood that Officer WIlson drew.

Three, number of days since the Grand Jury decided that Officer Wilson was justified in his slaying of a college bound, unarmed black teenager.

Youth, the group of people who have become fed up with all the lies told to us, all the injustice perpetrated against us, all those telling us we’re not good enough, we’re not complacent enough, we’re not thankful for what we have.

Eighteen, the age Michael Brown was when he was unjustifiably slain while unarmed. A college bound teen, Mike was taken from this world far before his time. “”He should have been in college. He should have been spending all night in the library studying for exams. He should have been going out with friends and making the most of his time. He should have been getting ready to come home to his family for thanksgiving. Instead, he’s 6 feet underground, because that is where Officer Wilson decided he should be.”

I don’t have a gun, stop shooting - Michael Brown’s last words

Gofundme, website that brewed hate and racism, and assisted Officer Wilson in raising nearly half a million dollars

Hatred, the thing that has allowed Ferguson to happen the way it has.

To the ‘change’ that we have seen in the past 50 years since the Civil Rights Movement. To the ‘change’ that has allowed systems of institutional racism to remove innocent black lives from the streets. To the ‘change’ that has allowed Officer Wilson to have zero punishment for taking an innocent life. To the change that we may one day see that will allow Blacks to live freely and happily, and to allow them to have zero fear in situations where they are innocent. To the change we may one day see that will erase the racism that still haunts this country. To the oncoming revolution, may it be strong, may it last, may it save

-m.j.

i miss you

i miss the softness of your lips and the taste of your breath

i miss the night we slept in my bed

i miss the way you pulled me in closer and closer

i miss you pulling my hands into yours

i miss you guiding my hands up and down your body, so that i could feel all of your curves

i miss you teasing me before we actually tried falling asleep

the way you intentionally tried to turn me on, just so that i would pull you close and kiss you

the way you wanted to simply be with me in that moment

i miss the way you taste and the way we made each other feel

i miss holding you in my arms as we slept

you telling me that you felt great sleeping wrapped by me

i miss the way our breath and hearts would synch to the rhythm of the other’s

having you in my arms was one of my favorite feelings in the world

waking up next to you was the only thing i liked more

to know that you were still there in my arms, still there to be mine

waking up to see you still happily sleeping in my arms, before closing my eyes and falling back asleep

then waking again as i felt you turn as you woke up

you flashing your cute, sleepy smile

being able to kiss you good morning

knowing that you were mine and i was yours

these are the things i miss most at 6 in the morning when i can’t sleep and all i can think about is my time with you

-m.j.

I wonder what people think when they see me walk by.

Do they see all the pain I try so desperately to hide?

What would happen if I told you how I feel?

Would you help me realize that it’s all just not real?

If someone would help by going that extra mile,

then maybe I could find another reason to smile.

Perhaps I’d finally be able to take off this mask,

all I need is for you to come up and ask.


-m.j.

I hate waking up in the middle of the night.

I’m no longer tired, I just lay there in bed.

And all the while there’s a constant fight,

one that takes place in my head.

I’m torn between feeling everything, and having no emotion whatsoever.

And all through the evening, this battle I have to whether.

Only one thing is for sure, only one that I know.

All my feelings for her, hit me with their hardest blow.

For no matter what happens, my love for her will always be present.

If only I could go back and change my actions, them maybe I wouldn’t feel this torment.

I will always love you, no matter where we are.

If only you knew, how I wish you weren’t so far.


-m.j.

and now that i know you’re completely gone

it feels so good to look at the light of this brand new dawn.

as the sun rises i feel the past fade,

and my debts to you have been completely paid.

there is someone new, someone better,

and something happened that i thought would never.

i find myself longing for somebody new,

somebody completely different from you.

these new found feelings took me by surprise,

and i know this is better, now that i’m wise.

for i won’t have to change to keep her near,

and i really do like her, that is very clear.


-m.j.

And tonight I saw you for the first time since that day.

You were gorgeous as ever, sitting there across the room.

I wanted to go up and talk to you, but I had no idea what to say.

But that you don’t want to talk to me was all I could assume.

It was hard to see you there and not keep my eyes stuck on you.

That you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met is still something I believe to be true.

It is hard knowing that all that I feel, you feel none of it.

While you were sitting there, I could tell I did not cross your mind.

Knowing that really made me feel like ****,

and it made me remember what you left behind.

Suddenly, all the memories we shared came back to me,

of how I used to be your ‘dead sea.’

You said that I saved your life.

What you do not know is that having you prevented me from ending mine.

There were so many times you prevented me from turning to the knife

and for that I will thank you until the end of time.

The only problem is that you made me fall for you hard,

and the day you left will always leave me scarred.


-m.j.

And I can’t listen to my favorite songs,
Because they remind me of you and how you’re gone.
The way the voices express love and pain,
Triggers thoughts of you inside my brain.
The way you looked at me while I sang to you,
I saw the love that I thought was true.
Although I was no good, you didn’t seem to care,
You loved when I sang while playing with your hair.
Now when I hear these words, those that I used to show you my love,
All these emotions I must now shove.
I want to hear the music that I loved so much,
Without missing the feeling of your touch.


-m.j.

I wouldn’t know it when I woke up that morning,

but this would be the perfect day.

Sunny and beautiful, this day would lead to a wonderful surprise,

our first kiss.

I remember it perfectly.

We were getting ready for our camping trip to Michigan, prepping the tent and the rest of our supplies.

We went into your garage to smoke, hiding from your brother.

You looked at me and smiled.

God, that smile of yours.

The smile that I couldn’t resist.

The smile that instantly made me so happy.

I couldn’t help but smile as you pulled me close to you.

You grabbed me waist, pulled me in, and pressed your lips against mine.

The way your lips felt against mine.

The softness of your touch.

The taste of your breath.

The sound of our lips pulling apart.

The smile that you gave me.

The smell of our smoke lingering in the air.

In that moment, everything was perfect.

It was something that I was waiting for, something I knew would happen,

yet it still came as a surprise.

It was the kind of kiss that leaves one wanting more.

I pressed my lips against yours one more time before we went back to the tent.

We packed our supplies before you offered to drive me home.

We said our goodbyes as usual, yet this one was different.

Right before I left, I delicately took your chin in my hand, feeling the softness of your skin.

I carefully led your lips to mine, tasting your breath one more time.

-m.j.

This poem is for you.

This poem is for how I feel.

This poem is me on the verge of giving up.

This poem is not like my others.

This poem is sad.

This poem doesn't know what to do anymore.

This poem wants to talk to you.

This poem wants to tell you how much it loves you.

This poem wants to say sorry and make things all better.

This poem is me.


-m.j.

And I don’t think you’ll ever understand,

That every time I took your hand,

I was screaming out,

That I needed help without a doubt.

You did not understand,

When I held your hand,

Something changed inside,

And I forgot all the reasons I ever cried.

I now understand,

Why I long to hold your hand.

When the darkness comes,

And beats its drums,

Oh, how I understand.

That within your hand,

The desire to purge my veins,

Was no longer sustained.


-m.j.

And I’m rapidly going insane,

with these crazy thoughts inside my brain.

I try to push them out, to hold on tight,

but it gets the hardest to do so this time of night.

I wish I could just step off this roller coaster, and hold on to something stable,

but that will never happen until I’m flat on the table

So i must push forwards with all these thoughts,

continuing this battle that must always be fought.


-m.j.

you are my best friend

you are always there with me, wherever i go, day or night

we spend all of our time together, and do everything together

we laugh, we cry, we share all of our thoughts and feelings

although i don’t always see you by my side, i can still feel your presence

you have a fit when things are going well

you seem oddly pleased when things are not

it’s as if me feeling sad and alone makes you happy

what kind of friend feels that way towards someone

the worse part is that i don’t know how to be me without you

you are a major part of me, and have been with me for so long

although i know how unhealthy you are for me, there’s no way to get rid of you

as ****** up as it is i need you in my life

as ****** up as it is i’m not me without you


-m.j.