We're all watching you walk
walk away from us all.
Where are you going?

Street lamps shatter and your feet kiss the glass shards
but you don't bleed, minipulate your mouth into smug smiles
Miles, miles, miles, miles.
Watch your step theres a bump in the road.
There's no time to smell the daisies,
there's no time to turn your head
Just smile and walk, miles, miles, miles,
Glass eyes don't cry and neither do yours.
Would one be game enough to ask,
where are you going?

The pier, a long walk on a short pier
or a short walk to a long pier?
Stumble on loose nails and skim your worries across the water
that tortured mind is occupied.

I say, my dear, what a lovely day you've chosen
What a lovely day it's chosen for you to walk
The sun is shining, clouds gathering upon the horizon
The grass is green and stale Rome air never smelt so sweet.

Oh god, Rosa! Your foot nearly slipped!
Darling girl, the end of the pier is rotting, watch your step.
Stumbling and your eyes! they're so, so red.
Rosa, can you hear us?
"αυτό είναι δικό μου χοίρων"
You're lucky the priests aren't here demon,
Rosa, demon, you're skitterish and talking nonsense.
Are you ready to jump?

We move by instinct,
Darling, move by instinct...
Shuffle past barriers,
Push through foggy eyes,
Hold me close...
Warm, together.
I'm crumbling darling,
Move by instinct,
Hold me in your arms.
Find a temporary repair,
My tourniquet.
I'm falling all over drenched eyes.
Faint screams ring,
Chiming louder and louder
The more you fade from view.
Move by instinct darling,
Move into me.

Would you like to be my bride?
Splendid, i'll order the corpse tomorrow.
Perhaps there shall be bats, and black butterflies.
Perhaps a heart will wither and die,
but oh, what a joyous day it will be.
And oh, all the sad faces we will see.
I beg you to meet the end,
I beg you to sell me the moon.
Reach into your heart and rip out the strings of wolf.
There will be nothing but dust left,
you won't be remembered not even if you mechanically pulse forever.

There aren't enough hours in the day,
For every bird to sing it's sad, sad song,
And there isn't enough human ears,
Willing to listen to such *******,
The little wren's chirp,
Is only a siren song,
To warn you of the little things in life,
That people are yet to notice,
It's so wrong how feather's litter the sky,
But we don't fall down to devastation,
We simply catch feather's, adding them to our hair,
Birds are like the invisble beauty of the earth,
No one actually gives a **** about their existence.

I.
You seem so... pertrified
Quivering in familiar surroundings.
Spinning; you fall unaware
Of your lungs collapsing.
I hear the bells chime...
I know it's the end.

II.
This was never your fault.

III.
Sitting stagnant deep
Within the volcano's heart,
Keeping a sacred soul rhythm,
Clutching starving hands;
My breath strangling their lungs.
As I erupt
I wonder how many
Souls I break
With the tree roots I rip from underneath them.
I wonder how much suffering
Triggers a beautiful
R E B I R T H.

IV.
I don't have a pulse.

V.
A silence sits inside my pressurized skull,
So loud and so deafening that the monsters
Dwelling in my ears cannot hear the world scream.

VI.
I mourn the death of things
Before they are lost.
I've built gravestones for relationships
Prior to them having the slightest itch to melt away.
Rigor Mortis settles into my heart
I sit frozen and stiffened
Waiting for a world around me to deteriorate.
I anticipate the last breath to escape our lungs
With a whisper of "goodbye".

VII.
I have pulled myself apart to put you back together.

You're so scared of death but
don't you think you're the only one.
How do you see me at all
through scarred flesh
and pools of blood.

How do you see me at all
when your back is turned
and the snapping noise
of your spinal cord
is all that is heard
drowning out the light
in the room.

Blinding.
Please don't bleed anymore.

And if the sky wasn't falling
I never would have
left you there to suffocate
beneath the waves.

Hey, baby, you're lookin' a little ill
how's the taste of poison on your lips?
You drank it off mine.

Hey, baby, you're lookin' a little pale
what's it like lookin' up at the world
from the ground?
I promised myself I'd knock you down.
Premeditated destruction
of the only one I've never loved.

Here, baby, take this pill
and leave it on your beautiful tongue
don't swallow, don't bite. Not yet.
Pretend it's that pathetic disc
you get from church every sunday.
The Lord has come personally
this time just to see you suffer.

Baby, this could be a Hollywood blockbuster.

I'd warn you with lights and sirens
but I don't think you should know
about the blade in the tablet I gave you.

Poison mixes with your blood too well.

You will only feel or see snippets of other lives at a time,
So depending on where you go or what you say
Something will trigger them and you'll feel it too.
I believe there are certain circles of people carried through your lives,
Whether they are family or you find them during that life,
It's the same souls altered slightly.

We have something medieval;
I tip-toe navigate my parents castle
While you bust me out of soul ******* walls,
We were lovers.

Again... another life, later in our years...
I was living in France and you,
A Swedish traveller man, courted me down by a bridge maybe,
Possibly the country and definitely raining.
Unlike like France, where it was free, simple and peaceful,
Medieval times for us were horrific.
Carrying much heartache and a very gruesome end;
Screaming for eachother as we were torn apart.

Empty, flatline numbness, marry me! Marry me!
Oh, jester in white inhale yourself; nothing but a fool.
Do you know your fate?
Majestic brutality, do you know your fate?
Heart beats so rhythmic, it's a brand new taste.
A white noise craze, walk along the pretty phase.
Tongue tied fantasies, drop dead harmonies and the worlds upside down.
Posiden met Godzilla, it's nothing you said it was.
Kitty cat, baseball bat ate your face, jester start again.
Ghoul, ghoul, ghoul dressed in white, take my veins, weave a gown.
We will dance, tonight, dance so pretty in the light.
Tell me, ever painted beauty in blood?
Oh, wicked numbness, Marry me! Marry me!

as the sun falls on another dusty, mould soaked house
you sink back down into your torn arm chair
and smile to the bottom of your glass,
bottoms up
With the faint smell of death rolling under the front door
you light up another smoke
only 1 and half packs left for the day til you're done.
with that smile still there you smooth back greasy hair
nothing but a tree scratching at the crooked window pane
refelect on your day, sweetheart, I saw it all, i know your thoughts
but you do honestly think handing out false compliments
will make you that little bit better?
will "your hair is stunning" to the balding old woman
erase every single one of your scars?
of course, were he still alive, he'd say pathetic scars.
battle wounds you call them,
battle wounds from a war he said you started
upper left arm, theres a cigar burn scar
you say, "pa, did this, filthy ****"
he meant the world to you, he abused you
but i know your thoughts, you loved him
right arm broken at age 6, it never healed real well
right hand shattered at 3, you were lucky that time
he'd chase you around the house, i know.
you paid your dues, the world was ready to give you it all
but you knew nothing more
than Bottoms up
and passing out on dusty floors.

I know now
why you don't looka t me the same;
i miss the way you'd smile
all goofy and wide
just to make me giggle.
i know why everythings changed
i, i told you what really goes on
in my mind
and you looked repulsed
but only for a second
because you quickly replied
"I love you"
You only said that
because it's what
you thought you should say.
What were you supposed to say?
I know why you look at me twice
before you kiss me
it's because you're scared
of what i'll do to myself
and you know you
won't be able to stop it.

Black and white is a comfort,
a run away; abandonment
and maybe i'm just used to it.
Strangely composed colours written together
as if black and white is a religion
and we all praise it,
like someones ever changing word
from 400 years ago called
God.

Black and white is simple
and finding simplicity in anything
is scarce in this torture of colour
we inhabit today
and i remember my earliest dream
it was all black and white,
still in the comfort of a womb
and i expected to see an ocean of black
and white when i emerged
but was wrongfully betrayed by reality
and i still am today.

i dont even look pretty in black and white.

The monster of insanity stuck it's fist down my throat,
tore out my sanity, 
and it's watching me bleed out. 
Tell me, why is the monster dancing?

Fangs so jagged, 
tearing my flesh, 
leaving me skinless. 
Is this all because I'm weak,? 
Nothing more than a putrid pile of dying flesh. 
Can this all be undone? 
Insanity, sharpen these teeth, 
take them as a trophy, 
I am nothing more than a horror show 
with only trophy teeth to show for it. 

A mass murdering beast, 
Keeping you just alive, torture. 
Chain saw massacre, 
Where you haven't been cut entirely through, 
Metallic taste on plump ****** lips, 
All the stories that can only be whispered now, 
Never heard. 
I'll tear out bullets from purple skin, 
Darling, hold the gun. 
A slowing heart beat, 
Locked forever in a glass coffin,
Another trophy.

Merry-go-round?
No.
Merry-go-****-yourself.
It wasn’t a pleasant belly laugh joy ride
Like a 4 year old smiling on a rotating plastic pony.
It was a ******* wood chipper.
And you slowly fed me through.
A ******* whirlwind.
Where you pushed me in, limb by limb.
And I swear, before my head got forced in,
I swear for a second I saw you finally smile.
I could describe it like a horror movie villain,
Like some mythical demon,
But you were so much more terrifying.

Though, I fear you forgot how strong I am.
You were quick to believe you had me deep under your spells.
I don’t stay broken for long,
I reform stronger.

I’m not scared of you anymore,
So if you’re like Stephen king’s clown;
He who floats in the sewers,
You can no longer thrive and survive off my fear.
It’s dissipated.
Without a lifeline now, and soon you will die.

cats, cradles and broken jars,
I don't know where this is going,
but it's gonna take me far.
London, Paris, Rome--
Home.
Any where where people
don't know my name.
I'm going to go far,
far far away.

When the smoke engulfs you,
smothers your lungs
cough cough splutter
and your head spins
in the indulge of pleassure
cough cough splutter
Swarmed by the rush of people
in Sydney minding their own business
walking these twisting streets
cough cough splutter
it's at that point that you realise
this is where you're supposed to be
who you're supposed to be
and what you're meant to do.

shine your light my way,
and the winds will dance
with us on their strings,
we are the earths puppets,
we'll spin again.

I never want to leave your side
but my hands are tied,
my hands are tied,
your heart screams blind.

You don't love me anymore.

Lay our heads upon the track,
Hold my hands, We'll be just fine.
Patience, my dear, patience is key.
Together We'll leave this world, so happily.

"Whatever you do, do not travel alone.
That way you have memories you both could only ever have known.
You'll always have something special with them.
Travelling with another person is a gem.

-"What if you'd rather travel and see the world on your own?
And just meet people along the way?  As you said, you're never truly alone."

"Why's that, Maddy?"

-"Well, what if you're happier alone with oneself?
And, sir, you can't leave yourself..."

I promise you that tomorrow this place will be empty
And the creatures will form here again
Creating a new darkness and they'll wait
They'll bide their time and wait to eat your soul
like fog, their shadows will creep up
and ****** you away from behind
feast, feast they will on our souls
Dizzy breathing and broken clocks
the creatures time is coming
they're coming for us,
be prepared, like fog they'll take us
Oh god! they'll take us
Skies will fall and we'll be drenched in mud
Build a temple of souls, our souls
and it'll be tragically beautiful painted the colours of our pain.

Every night after,
I watched the sun come up.
Too afraid to sleep.
Too afraid to lose you again in my dreams.
The bags under my eyes
soon became the suitcases of your sorrow.
I was worn out and petrified.
I couldn't face it all again.

You shouldn't think about death,
There's so much ahead of you,
Lips you haven't kissed,
Eyes you haven't met,
Hands you haven't shook,
Lives you haven't touched,
Towns and cities that wait
To feel your feet.
There's so much more.
You don't want to die,
You don't need to.
Your pretty smile needs to stay,
Others depend on it for their own existance.
People need you,
The world needs you.
Please stay.

I scream and I scream with no sound,

clenched jaw, shivering body, i see white.

                  T   R   A   P   P   E   D

Inside the bleach stained walls

of my skull; I long to shatter it.

                 B   R   E   A   T   H   E

Through chemical burnt lungs; they have shrivled.

                 C   H   O   K   E;

Blood tastes better regurgitated.

I speak alot of the burn of breathing
and I dream of the day my lungs collapse.

Rot, rot, rot,
worms would have a field day with my decomposing body.
but even their digested parts of me
couldn't make a garden grow.

i dreamt of leaving last night
i dreamt of running as far away
as my chubby legs would take me,
I followed winter across the planet
wiping snow flakes off my cheek
and dancing just before dawn
in the **** in the top end of France.
I dreamt of chasing rabbit dreams
down their holes and stumbling.
I dreamt of drowning in smoke
and playing guitar with a cigarette
in my mouth on a street in New York.
I dreamt of taking flowers from a garden
just outside of London,
mischief, i dreamt of that too.
Singing til my lungs were burnt,
and only sleeping when I'd pass out.
I dreamt of all these things,
and everytime I close my damp eyes
you are always there
And I dreamt we chased winter
around the world together.

She sits in her little ball
of self diagnosed depression,
self inflicted sadness
and weeps dry tears
she sobs hoping someone
will stop
hoping prince charming will pick her up
even though she knows
he does not exist.

I feel sorry for this girl,
she has no one
as I watch her life through glass walls,
(glass walls that I can't break down)
she has become my favourite channel.
each season is almost the same as the last;
like a horrible soap opera
except this is real.
people see her,
pause for a moment,
weigh up the pros and cons
then continue on
like she was never there.

Very suddenly her life
becomes dark
and she's controlling the storm clouds
the roll and crash and boom
the spinning of a
self destructive tornado.
it rains blood on the world
shedding the now only present colour.
its all become black and white.
Its all become black and white
and she's dissolving in the smoke.
with a broken smile on her face,
she floats away on *** and coke.

Look, look 
This is her tray, her tray of ash 
These here... They're her empty bottles of Jack 
Over there is where she keeps the condoms.
Stash of **** between the books. 
If you look closely at the carpet you can see dried *****. 
White walls are now stained yellow, 
Too many drunken gatherings. 
But she's so young inside. 
Mind of a ten year old
With a body of a sixteen yer old woman. 
Don't look now, but she's preparing herself to talk
In her ditsy fake tone. 
"I am like, so white trash. Do you love me yet?"
Twirling bleached blonde hair
pouting those lipstick drowned
And collogen inflamed lips. 
Seeing this ***** in her natural habitat
Makes me wonder where her parents went wrong.

I am quivering
With fear
At the little lumps
That have appeared.

And I am terrified
Of rhyming.

Death; will have us beautifully
Rotting, morphing, transforming
Into a dripping, bloodless
Enemy of life.
I've never been afraid of feeding worms
Only holding their slime encased bodies
Out of the sheer thought of hurting their
Extravagant ability to care for the earth...

A trait humans don't feel in their fingernails.

I might lose my hair
But I've been collecting dress-up wigs
Since I was a baby girl playing dolly,
Dressing as the fairy queen princess who ruled the world.
I might lose my hair,
But I'm afraid of fighting this alone.
Solitude was the perfect cup of warm tea
And a fluffy blanket on a stormy day...
and now...
And now it has me shivering out of my skin.

I have transformed since our last
Conversation.
I have grown this ever brightening light
And I am learning so much about me...
Too much perhaps...
Too much and not enough about
These two little lumps.

"It's okay,
I'm a big girl now,
You don't have to constantly
watch what you say and do.
I've grown up alot."

"But, you're a mess...
I'm so sorry for..."
You keep choking
on your words.

I smile gently,
"It's okay, I'm fine.
This was never your fault."

I tried my hardest to reassure you
But, you cried so softly.
Once again,
You were so beautiful
when tears rolled down your face
But crying was such a rarity
For you.

Lately, I've been disassembled,
Rest assured... in shambles.
And my minds been sliding
About the tasteless hardwood floors,
Collecting delicacies unknown to sadnesses.
It's been a while since I've tried to drown,
But I think on the corner of the kitchen
And lounge-room floors,
My mind found something
Worth living for...
How ever subconscious it may remain.

I had a dream last night,
You were there but without a face like usual.
We stood atop a cliff,
I stood too close to the edge like usual.
I recall a deafening silence bouncing off the waves.
You couldn't hear them bash against the rocks.
I turned my back upon the sun,
Setting deep into its routine slumber.
I faced your faceless face and I spoke softly,
Loud enough to break apart the silence;
Like great claps of thunder,
'Tell Mum I fell'.
You didn't flinch when
I stepped backwards;
2 steps too far.

It's time for me to find creativity and feeling again.
I'll start with the sky where you and I met.
Stars are all we have left.

Twisted, dizzy and drunk as ****,  
lust took her hand, throwing her at you,
she's sorry for all the things she said,
she never meant a word,
she never meant anything,
she just needed to be wanted,
cheap wine and stolen beer,
feeding the beast,
and the vile bubbly taste,
knew she was gonna break your heart,  
A strangers lounge and a boy way too old,
a perfect mix for the best horrific memories,
if she drank anymore, I'm sure she would have,
taken your heart and ate it,
because she's a alcoholic beast,
tormenting male hearts.

Sometimes I can’t imagine normal adult things happening to me
Like buying a house, a new car
Being a bride in a wedding.
Getting a “big girl career” beyond retail.
Wanting kids.
Because I haven’t had normal things happen to me.
I was robbed of many things,
A childhood,
Development.
Love.
And a lot of the time I forget I’m 26,
Wearing a made up, misplaced childhood,
Still locked into teen age.
It’s not a resurrection of the dead.
It’s a reimagined gift to myself.
I am my own body guard, protector, nurturer.
I am allowed a childhood.
And I am allowed to have adult things happen to me.
I’m 26.

I am wasted and wasting away.
I've been cemented within these walls
Pushing and pulling will-less air
Between pastel fading lungs and,
I stumble to dance awkward words
Off shattering porcelain lips.
To become an ornament is something else.
But to break your own heart with fear
Every waking moment, and every unconscious
Second of your life, is something more;
More difficult, crippling, punishing and bloodless
Than any deep, seeping wound.

I'd like to be able to write again, but the universe is turning too slow in the wrong direction.
My heart drips instead of duh-dums
And my breath slips.

Rhyming sticks to the top of my mouth catching grains of rhythm as I regurgitate yesterday's thoughts.

I haven't been able to write lately, not because I am a bumbling busy body, but because time is frozen, I'm cemented and dissolving into the tasteless air.
Everything is too colourful lately, too... anything for me to understand.

Maybe I should start reading again, go back to painting stale blue skeleton hands with not enough paint.

Maybe that's my problem... There's not enough paint in my life.

"Hello, Madeline. What have you come to share with me today?"

"Lately, I've been having these dreams, you see, and they've generally been about the same thing."

"Tell me what they're about."

"I'm always falling and hurting myself really bad, or getting lost and he always turns up to save me."

"How long has this been happening?"

"The past two weeks or so. It's quite literally sending me insane."

"Why's that?"

"Well, Doc, this morning, I was just sitting on my bed and suddenly I felt him wrap his arms around me like we'd never fallen apart. Only problem was, was that He wasn't there. It was just me."

"Hmm.."

"So, uh, Doc, can you tell me what's wrong with me?"

"You still love him."