i miss
being hungover
from a single kiss;
i miss
how your smile
could make my world spin.

I’d like to think that you haven’t fully moved on from me.
and that my name is still prominent in your vocabulary.
That you think of me when you see my favorite book
or turn around when my voice seems to travel to your ears
Maybe your heart still misses a beat when someone asks about me.
And maybe I’m not the only one whose mind wanders back in time
over
and over
again.

You could ask him what he wants
He would say, her
You could ask me what i wanted
I would've said him
But wanting isn't enough
You can't ignore me
Avoid me
Distance yourself from me
But still say you want me
I'm trying to be happy now
I don't want you anymore
So don't say that I do
"You still think about me"
I do because you ruined me
I'm sorry your mistakes broke your heart and you blamed me
but you shattered me
through months of ignorance
on a year long journey to **** a girl
and keep your hands clean
When i put my faith in you
you were unfaithful
don't say you need me
when all i needed was you
and you ran away.

Remember that day in the furniture store?
We looked at pillows and chairs and dining room tables.
You promised me that we would come back and buy all that furniture for our tiny apartment.
You promised me forever.
And I should have told you what I was thinking.
I should have told you not to give promises
you couldn’t keep

Bad timing
Countless mistakes
Endless regrets
Too many tears
Insecurities
Excessive feelings
Blaming myself
Numerous ‘what ifs’
No closure
One year
One guy… who changed everything

I know you keep thinking that you were the only one that was broken but let me remind you that it must’ve actually been a pleasure to have only gotten your heart broken while my entire being and world got shattered in pieces when you made me insecure for being who I really was, when you made me feel guilty for trying to become more myself. When it was like you locked me up in your heart and I wasn’t allowed to leave it, making me feel isolated and fragile like that little girl I fought so hard to not become again.
So just because I didn’t cry my eyes out, just because I didn’t stay in bed for days or weeks; doesn’t mean I didn’t feel the pain you felt, if not a million times worse, because I felt that pain every night before I went to sleep and the person hurting me was still right there holding me like I was a prisoner in his ideal world.

Sometimes I need you
Because I’m not just like anyone else.
I’m the girl who’s on the bathroom floor crying her eyes out while she’s looking for the reason she’s feeling this way.
I’ll push you away and tell you to come back.
When I say “please don’t call”, I’m telling you to pick up the **** phone, call me and tell me you love me.
So sometimes I need you, just like you need me sometimes.
Difference is that I’m always ready to catch you when you’re falling while you’re already turning your back
the second I’m thinking about jumping.