I lose my identity
Every time that I
Lose control of me

Reactive abuse
I react to your abuse
I fight back but it's no use

I take your toxic energy
Until I
Lose all of my
sanity

Reactive abuse
I react to your abuse
The type of behavior you first produced

It burns in my
Memory
The sound of screams
Profanities

Reactive abuse
I react to your abuse
It's someone's fault but which and whose?

I won't go down quietly
But you swear the put downs are just tendencies
That I'm taking personally

Reactive abuse
I react to your abuse
Either way I'll always lose

Sometimes I wonder do you ever think of me the way I think of you

I should have loved myself instead
I gave you all until I bled
I go over it inside my head

You painted me blue and red
Over something stupid that I said
I should have loved myself instead

I imagine a kinder version of you
Where You live right up to your potential
I go over it inside my head

The light switch is turned off from the sky
Reality sets and starts go black
I should have loved myself instead

I believe all your promises of change
But I grow old waiting
I go over it inside my head



I could have invited another man into my bed
It least our cycle can have an end
I should have loved myself instead

You are quiet
Your anger a silent resentment

I am loud
My anger booming with frustration in this predicament

Your words
Distant and few
The fight in you
hardly there

My words
Write sonnets of there own to no one that cares  

I close my eyes and turn my face to match your disposition

Yet somehow the silence causes me more affliction

The past
For you is full of mistakes to throw at me  

The past
for me is full of hope and happier memories that almost has me

Were both so different
It's a tragedy

But either way we're  both unhappy

Men have grabbed me but never reached me

5 tired of living
7 I try to think positive
5 but the guns loaded

Can you miss something you've never had?
I want you
And every time you walk away every time you leave my eyes it hurts to even look at you. How can I miss you when I have never had you?