every time i meet someone new
the first question i ask is always

"what's your favorite color?"

because what seems like such a simple question
with such a insignificant answer
means so much to me.

i believe every person has a color
that one color that just resonates with their soul
who they are as a person

and i always love when i can get a specific answer
more than just "blue"
because blue is everything from soft and unimposing,
powder fresh and feminine
to immense and expansive
ocean deep and holding the universe suspended in its darkness

my favorite color is red
like blood splatter gone tacky
a deep shade of ruby
the color of wine drunk
and a midnight bowl of splat hair dye fresh out of the box
its the color of bad choices
and intense love

his color is orange.
like a fox's warm coat
or the sky before the sun sinks away.
he is the color of finality
comfort and heat
he's the last chapter of a story
a satisfying conclusion
to me, he is orange, and orange is
all of the burn from red
with none of the hurt

a white picket fence
and a humble abode
domestic bliss, you could say
but it's far from my home
i lost the poet in me
let go of her dreams
and settled my heart
for what was easy

married, a baby
i love them. undoubtedly
but i lost my fire, my passion
gave up on deep, unfathomable love
and settled for comfort
i forgot dreams of falling for a fellow poet, someone gentle, with an artist's hands
i lost sight of beauty, depth

i just want to be happy
and this is the closest im convinced ill ever get

motherhood is
sitting in bed
with your baby in your arms
shivering,
stomach growling,
head pounding,
sobbing your eyes out
and the only thing
holding you together
is the love you have for your child

looking across
the cold rush of water,
I toss my shoes.
they land, one scattering from the other
on the opposite side of the river.
the cold stones are distantly spaced
and slick from algae,
and god-knows-what green stuff.
my heart skitters past my lungs,
hiding like the little girl she is-
tucked away, afraid.
what if I fall in?
what if I slip?
i could just stay here,
on this end.