The look of disdain

fills my mothers face

Five year old me

is turned away

                                 The look of hate

                             fills my mothers face

                                 10 year old me

                                feels out of place

The look of malice

fills my mothers face

Fifteen year old me

shrugs it away

                                The look of disgust

                               fills my mothers face

                             But the 17 year old me

                                  can't pretend it
                                  
                                    doesn't hurt

                                 as I try to keep

                                    a stoic face

All I see is my mother walking away
With her favorite child of the day

All I see is her face
Wrinkled with laughter
While she is obvious to my presence

The door she closes is slammed shut
And I have no way of gaining her love

I still get flashbacks
Of the time I spent encased in those
Bright, white hospital walls

We were all insane
Yet no one realized we made sense

We saw the world as it really was
And the people on the outside?
Well, they just lived in their fantasies

I touch my cheek
And feel the wetness of it
On my hand

I wipe it away
As I whisper to myself
"I can't give this world more of my tears."

My biggest fear
Is to stay home

Behind these four walls
My screams are muffled

My biggest fear
Is not to be heard

Staying behind
And losing all control

Darkness seeps within my soul
I weep and weep
As I try to get rid of it all

I stumble and fall
As I try to regain my strength

But then I think, "what for?"
So I let the darkness consume my soul

Do I weep and weep?
Not at all.

In the closet, she laid curled up on the floor. Her vision overcomed by darkness and all she could hear was the collision her eyelashes made with the lens of her glasses.

She remained very still as she heard her fathers heavy footsteps slowly fade away as he headed downstairs. She didn't want him to find her, nor her mother.

She was tired of receiving hateful glances and shouts directed at her. She didn't understand why they hated her so much. Why they used her in order to release their anger.

She dreamed of the day she'd finally be able to leave this horrible place that no longer deserved to be named home.

What good is family for?
When all they do is tear you down
They bruise you with cruel words
And leave you bleeding and crying

This isn't the family
I wanted to be born with
I don't want to live with them
They will tear me apart
Before I am even stitched together

Their love is not real
Their hearts are made of ice

Will I become one of them?
Terrible and cold?

The demons in my head
                                         don't let me rest

They taunt me
                  until I give in to their request

I'm getting tired
                             each and every day

I don't think I can
                               make it another day

My walls are slowly crumbling
Can't you hear them falling?

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me
And I know that you know it too

My armor is falling
My soul is completely exposed to you

Can't you see my soul shivering?
No longer surrounded by the warmth of these brick walls.

I see him
He walks into the classroom

I can feel all of him
His vibes, his attitude

He makes my entire body ache
All his warmth engulfs my soul

I can't deny the fact that my eyes travel everywhere he goes
His vibrations make it feel like i'm home

We don't talk
Not since that first time

But I see him looking at me
He sees me looking at him

I can feel him as if my body was programmed to
It's nothing I've ever felt and he feels it too

I desperately search the crowd looking for his face

the face that makes my heart race faster than anything before

I find him before he finds her

before his love for her is expressed on his face

That’s the best part for me

to see that there’s someone who can adore another such as he does

The fact that he spends his time looking at her

memorizing each detail and absorbing
it

He’s still in love with her despite all the hard years

and the way he loves her made me fall in love with him.