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School is like a jungle
Walking down paths with large trees in your way
I hate it
Like the stars hate the moon for being noticed before they are

The worst part is sitting in class
The males act like lions
Staring at me as if I'm their pray
Like I'm but something that is used to satisfy them

But the even worse part of school
Is when a student gets a text from their parents
They'll complain about it
Like their no grateful to have a parent who cares enough to check up on them

People never really know how lucky they are
Unlike me
I just sit on the side
Wishing and dreaming I had someone who cares
I am sad
Sad to breath
Sad to have no one
Sad to be lost
Sad to be forgotten
Sad to have anger
Sad to be hurt

I am happy
Happy to live
Happy to have God
Happy to be free
Happy to wonder
Happy to not drink or smoke
Happy to be loved

I am almost free of my tragedy
It's odd how when I'm dating someone I drink and smoke and self harm. But when I'm single... When I'm free from boys I don't drink. I don't smoke. I'm happy. Maybe I'm not meant to love someone. Maybe I'm meant to live instead.
I want to know what it's like to love someone
Of course I've been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with there's
But I never truly loved someone

I've never seen fireworks when I kiss
I've never had my heart race into an impossible speed
I've never actually wanted to hold hands
I've never been okay with looking back into someone's loving eyes

I've never loved someone

I've never been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with theirs
and sealing the envelop shut
I've never loved someone
But I'd like too
Smile.
Laugh for them.
You're the happy friend.
The one they look to for comfort.
Did it ever occur to them that you need that too?
Smile.
Laugh for them.
You're a mess, control yourself.
The one who does it all wrong.
Did it ever occur to them that you end up failing?
Smile.
Laugh for them.
You can't show them that it bottles up.
That you break down.
Did it  ever occur to them that you want to give up?
Smile.
Laugh for them.
You're just a facade, keep it covered.
The fact that you cry, is something you hide.
Did it ever occur to them that you try so hard?
But it doesn't work.
I wish
I could go up
And
Not come down
It was arrogant to think that dating you would help me forget my lost lover

It was arrogant to think that your mellow dramatic and over reacting temper would help me forget my lost lovers tender heart and warm welcoming arms

I'm so ignorant for thinking that someone as disrespectful, viscous, and vial as you could fix my wounded heart

I just want to forget the way you mistreated me so I can move forward, but mainly I just want to forget my lost lover

I want to forget the way his fingers ran through my tangled hair
The way his tender lips felt against mine
The way his arms enveloped me with forever tender and care
The way his eyes demanded the truth
And our love
I oh so desperately want to forget our love
*Is that really too much to ask for?*
When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself
Ill never forget the way I sit in the bathroom floor
Or the way my legs stretch out on the floor
Or how my back feels pressed against the wall
Or even how I hold the blade in my right hand
Ill never forget the way
The blade feels against my left arm
How the blood  slips through my skin
Or how the world gets find of quiet
When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself
I want my lungs to refuse oxygen
I want blood to stop flowing through my veins
I want my heart to stop beating

I want my body to be motionless
I want my body to say goodbye
I want my body to decompose

I want to leave this world
I want to no longer hear
I want to no longer have a voice

I want to hold a gun in my mouth
I want to pull the trigger
*I want to **** myself
I want to die... no ***** given
I can't stop thinking about it
My body is filled with confusion
My heart barley beats
They say they took advantage of me
Yet I remember nothing

I can't stop thinking about it
My mind is filled with uncertainty
The time is not rememberable
They say they took advantage of me
Yet I tell myself it's a lie
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