The night was too quiet, she was being lulled by a certain rhythm. It wasn't of the sound made by the crickets nor the song that kept on being replayed on her list. It was nothing like that. It was a rhythm that kept her lying on her bed and blinking away tears and smiling at random times when she hears it as it travels into her ears with memories too sweet to forget.

She kept remembering the rhythm of his voice now getting blurry by long distance memory. It happened in quite a long time ago. It's becoming too faint to soon would become only an echo like there in a cave too dark to step into.

--
Oh, I miss him.

~~ Criss ∞

You had me at hello.
You had me with that look.
You have me every time.
Just do what you have to,
I will appreciate even the corniest thing you could ever say.
I will cut our moment from the hands of time
Bury it deep inside my heart.
I'll forever treasure our little time shared.
Just walk right to me, start that talk.
Everything will fade, you'll see.
Everything except you and me.

I've missed you. I can't write metaphors about it, I've written your memories into different poems I've made and there's nothing left to write. There's nothing left to reminisce. Nothing left to think.

There is nothing left but missing you. So bad.

You know how it's like to look into his eyes?

---
It's like lying in an open field and stargazing at a vast night sky. I would trace his beauty with every twinkle, his soul laid bare. And when I get lucky enough, I'd see something of him new like a shooting star. He is too beautiful I couldn't look away. Yet he is too far I couldn't get a grab of him. I'm always in awe, yet always unsatisfied.

It's like drinking something so tasty, it quenches my thirst but leave me wanting for more. I could taste his mood at the moment, tasting another when time ticktocks to another time. It's very delicious, I'm afraid I couldn't make it last.

Maybe I've seen this coming. Like all stargazing will have to end when dawn is creeping out or like when I will about to have my last drop, I can only hope it lasted longer. I hope I hadn't tried. I hope there will be next time. I hope he feels the same as I am.
---

You know how it's like to look into his eyes? It's a joy and a pain at the same time.

And the best and worse part of it: the feeling lingers (sometimes very strongly, sometimes so sweetly , and sometimes just for a sec and sometimes for quite a while ) like a smell, like a song, like a book I've read. My heart always melts, my mind always reasons whenever I look at him.

Ours was a set of wrong timings. It started with us. We met, unfortunately. I was happy and contented until I met you. We were something impossible still I hoped for the best. It was wrong. It felt so right.

And everytime I think of you I feel so happy yet so sad. Its so euphoric I could fly right out that rooftop and into the sky. I'll shout your name, let it be known that I'm exploding into my happy thoughts of you then dive into the pits of hell. All this pain's making me feel like burned out to pieces then burned all over again until I won't know how to feel anymore.

We had to end. We're a tragic story but I'll talk about us like a lover talk about his love, like a painter paint about his masterpiece, like a writer trying to write his best. I'll talk about how our roads were only meant to cross for a second then forever gone. It was a second worth remembering. A second of infinity. We've separate destinations. We're never meant to be. We tried. It wasn't enough.

I'll miss you. It's funny how I could feel so much for you like I've known you from when forever began. But I'm glad we met. I could replay us over and over and over and over again until my memory sinks into the deepest of the earth.

Ours was a set of wrong timings. But you were the rightest of all my wrongs.

Sometimes
On a rainy night
Or a sunny day
Just in the corner of my mind
In a little quite moment
When serenity floods me
And stillness there is around me --
I miss you.

I wish it was me
That girl you wanted - dream girl

Or that someone you meant
When you replay that reggae sort of love song

Or in your dream that you never wanted
To wake up from

I wish it was me
But there were other girls.

~~ Criss ∞

I found myself listening to your kind of music
I wish the lyrics, they mirror what you're thinking
Hey you're going to make it, just keep holding on
Don't look back, don't hurry up too
Just a step at a time, you'll make it I know
You're a step closer
If only the lyrics mirrored what you've thought of.

These songs,
These feelings,
These thoughts of you --
They reminded me
That summer is long past --
Cold nights are here to stay.

And so I found myself staring at a picture that had your face. I wonder how you are. Merry Christmas, by the way. Do you still remember me and all that I was to you? I do. I remember all you are to me. The glances, the smiles, the whispers, the you and me sitting on a swing. It was morning full of hope, just as I was.

I remember the letter. Do you remember the last part? I hope you'll make it through like how people get through the night til come daylight, another day will come, another hope. Another swing to sit on. You staring at me as I at you. Hey, all I want for Christmas? Us..

But a want is not necessarily something to behold. I'll keep staring at this face that is you. I'll keep your photograph and your words until then. But until then I'll be thinking, you're another promise broken.

But if the stars would realign themselves to make way for a possibility that can only be possible in my dreams..

But if time would turn back around to when I first held into that moment when I saw your lips curve into a smile..

But if letters would do justice to how I feel whenever I remember a beautiful creature, a diamond in the rough, an unspoken wonder full..

But if it happens, and the heavens would say yes to a destiny full of me and you and every single possibility in between..

.. You know I'd take that. I'll always be wanting to take that.

I grew up thinking about you
Being the best thing I could never have.
You were perfect in everything you do
You were beautiful
And so I'd look for the 'you'
   in every guy I'd meet
Only yo be disappointed
They were not you
When you were the best
And I'd never have you.

Until that day..
The day
I. had. you.
Best days of my life.
I could never stop gazing into those deep eyes
Your voice was my favorite soundtrack
And every noise that you made echoed into the deepest parts of me.

It was surreal,
heaven sent,
cloud nine moment.
Until holding you meant bruises on my skin,
Smiles turned into fears,
Tears were starting to flow
Future became so blurry
My heart aches so painfully
My mind got ****** up.
Worst days of my life.

Man, you were such a pain in the ***.
You were the worst I ever held on to
And Gooood!
I never wanted to let you go
Even when it hurts,
Letting go was never part of the plan.

Either way,
You being the best
Or being the worst,
Nobody could top you.

I loved you,
I still love you.
I wanted you,
I still want you.
Even though,
Even if,
Even when,
Every part of you.

The best, the worst
The worst, the best.

Yet in every star
In every prayer
I wish and hope and pray and dream
And want and ache..

You.

Hope like a heartbeat beating
The tiny veins get filled up by
Blood cells to circulate the body -
Got life alive with every rhythm of it.

Hope like a candle lit up
In a room where darkness circles around
A tiny spark –
Got her child from crying out and aloud.

Hope, oh that is what’s between
When impossibility is trying to reign
Hope is what flickers
Between you and me.

No matter how much I say it
To move on and never look back
I'm counting ten to one;
Every memory I think
With each of these numbers
Til number one comes
And boom
Like a big bang --
A firework
or a grenade,
Everything explode and gone to be dust
Like the things between us.

Eversince a child have I been fascinating the beauty of words
I see colors lingering like an aura on their edges
I see motion pictures that are yet to be freed from a cage that is a paper
Words, oh they're like painting only that
Those kinds of painting only painted from mad thoughts and open minds
I imagine them getting out of those beautiful minds
To be made into spools of thread to either cover a man with love or shame.

Words have that kind of thing on me.
They awaken the inner goddess living inside the depth of my being
But never have I been fascinated with words until
I opened that letter which was so carefully written,
Words that were so carefully chosen,
With the hands that's yours
And with the mind as intricately beautiful as yours.

~~ Criss ∞

They kept on telling me it wasn't love. It was something, but it wasn't love. But what do they know? They weren't the one who lived inside this body that kept on getting fired up every time you laid your eyes on mine. They weren't the one who got to feel those tingling electricity every time your hands touched mine. They weren't that girl who died a little bit every day after you said goodbye. No, they only told me it wasn't love because they never know. Oh how it feels like, hot and cold mixed up, good and bad, everything nice and then so so bad.

But maybe I do not know at all what love is and so I thought it was. No, it wasn't love after all. It was something that paints smile on my face every time.

All the words
All those scenes she's directing inside her mind
The songs she keeps on listening
Or the silences when she thinks --

Boy, you must be so beautiful
She must have been going insane
She constantly finds you running in circles
Her mind becomes your track and field

She keeps on hoping
Like a well, someday it'll have water shortage
She is hoping for you, someday it's coming to an end
But your smile, your glances -- like a battery she is recharged .

And the cycle starts all over again.

~~ Criss ∞

I am a kid who
Is as innocent as when I sleep
I don’t have a sister
Or a brother to call my own.

With my father I’m used to go
On road trips and even on seas deep
My smiles along couldn’t waiver
Til evening came, til morning dawn.

With my mother I used to do
Play with her, with my cousin I dance and skip
Though exhausted, sleep would always be later
In the depth of the night just after I yawn.

I miss the old us. I miss miss miss miss miss miss miss.. you.

I enjoy watching you turn red. It gives me the assurance that you feel what I wanted you to feel all along. It feels like forever has passed since the last time I feel this way - smiling at nowhere for nothing but you, feeling like I have a sunny day even when it’s gloomy, and the feeling that I feel whenever I look at you. How beautiful it is to live in a time like this, a time when I am trying to live my life the way I should be and taking my path the way others has designed for me. Then, we met. You said ‘Hi’ for the first time and every day since then was an everyday full of ‘Hi’ from you. Maybe ‘Hi’ will be our ‘always’.

I enjoy looking at you and you looking back at me with such seriousness on your face. People talk about your past, but please don’t let your past define your future. You have yet to unravel those beautiful things deep within you and when that time comes, I hope you will let others see the brighter side of you.

It’s always risky, I know. And I am grateful of all those time spent with you no matter how limited it is and for the remaining ticking off the clock, let’s enjoy our company shall we? I won’t be regretful that I made it easy for you to read through my actions of how I feel, I never wanted the thought of regretting in the future of how I never let you feel the way I feel for you.

It doesn't matter If you've fallen
Scars wherever you've seen them
In your heart, in your mind,
Or maybe both with some
On your body.

I'll still be for you
Always be in love with you
Even if, even though
It doesn't matter how many of those
It will still be you. Always.

You thought she was shivering from coldness of the rain
It was a shiver that stemmed out from within.

How do you mend a sick heart, a mad mind?
How would you if you were just as sick and as mad as she was?

You say, I could be of help to make her shivers turn to warmth
But you never had given the chance your heart to know that fire.

Just one look at those letters -- letters that made up his name. All my walls built up for me to let go, they all turned to ashes. Moving-on? I have been going through that road a lot of times I have lost count but why, oh pretty little heart, you forgot how to only go through that road but never let yourself get stuck, or worse, go back to the time -- that time I had known his name for the first time?