A dream catcher is the key to the soul,
Keeping away bad thoughts before you go to bed,
Having them in him for ever and ever,
So the bad thoughts can't come back to your head.

His own beauty compares nothing to me,
With his entire silent stillness and grace,
Keeping away all mt bad memories hidden to my sight,
Having my dreams keep their pace.

He has his own spirit far inside it,
Placing away old bruises and cries,
Scooping them away like cool earth dirt,
Carrying them away from my eyes.

He can't ever succeed another thing,
Attempting to keep my innocence pure,
He can show me subconscience from reality,
He helps me keep my awareness sure.

His own feathers are wild, curly, brown,
While the beads are his khaki green eyes,
He understands my abuse at a young age,
Makes me face my demons and say good bye.

His web to catch them are his hands,
Big, steady, undeniably warm,
Covering half the area of my back,
While I breath in his chest and hide from harm.

He knows he can leave, but he doesn't,
He's a nightingal, my children and I are his songs to sing,
Deeply breathing, protecting me all night,
He wears the other matching ring.

All alone, mind lost,
No friends, just demons,
High sacrifice for low cost.

Sleepless nights, terror filled thoughts,
Unsteady heartbeat,
Unpure soul rots.

Crawling skin, fake bites,
Torn between two people,
Blind fought fights.

Gone to hell and back,
Medicating on *****
And low cost crack.

Her good person is herself,
With no memory of how she became,
She see's her, and grabs the lighter from the shelf.

Her evil person is Addict,
And is now in control,
And has just about had it.

One last dance, for old time's sake,
Absolutely no chance to live,
But a chance they take.

Dead heartbeat but shallow pulse,
Asleep like comatose,
Overdose.

I think my biggest fear is losing,
My own imagination to increasing age,
Not birng able to write the story of my life,
Can't hold the pen or move the page.

My time has passed like the speed of light,
Tipping and turning away from my eyes,  
But my mortal life isn't over,
Until all my happiness dies.

Our photo frame wasn't that heavy,
But it felt heavy as a stone,
The smile weighs my heart down,
Now my photo frame of life is alone.

I am agened, broken and weathered,
There are lines on my face that she's engraven,
Before she left, she'd dwell in my old, weak arms,
I was her broken haven.

Why did she leave? Where did she go?
My lights of sanity are going very dim,
It wasn't her that made my life lonely,
Her leaving made it grim.

I still hold our photo frame, crying, washing
The glass with my elderly tears,
Losing her, forgetting her voice,
And the color of her eyes are my fears.

I Remeber the day she wore white,
Her face the shade of Ivory,
Her brown eyes, innocent like a doe,
Her jet black hair, the color of Ebony.

Years later, her freckled hands were still,
Wearing the eternity ring, her love made
Me feel treasured, knowing that our vows from
Decades ago would never fade.

My sand filled hourglass is almost empty,
I'm suffering consequences without a crime,
I am nowhere near young and strong,
I'll never surrender to Father Time.

A single candle flame alights inside me,
Illuminating shadows on the wall,
Where alone I wish to be,
Away from anybody's calls.

I see the shadows, and they see me, and that I
Wish I couldn't ever feel,
Because the shadows eyes are upon me; I
Hear things, they whisper to me, and assure I never heal.

One shadow pounces on me, the other grabs ahold,
They all know what I've done to myself,
To people, there are things I've never told,
They are pages, in the fire, starting to melt.

My eyes have begun to water, filling up a pond,
And the lone candle flame has begun to flicker,
The friends and family I've known are gone,
Until the shadows bring me to a bed of wicker.

They carry flames crawling the sky,
"Fire!" They scream, "ashes and ember!"
A preconceived thought is I'm going to die,
But I'm already gone forever.

Memories turn into lead anchors in my soul,
And the wicker has begun to crackle,
Suddenly, claws are tearing a hole,
And the shadows have begun to wail and hackle.

The fire touched my skin, like so did the razor,
Cutting, tearing, burning away my life,
The painful hole welled up into a crater,
Seeing how tiny and shiny was the knife.

My fathers only anger was directed towards me,
He had slept with someone else,
He didn't notice if I would internally bleed,
At the force of his drunken yells.

So I sat myself in the cold tub,
Everybody said go up the river,
That's when me and the bottle teamed up,
When my skin tore deeply, I knew I was ****** forever.

I didn't take long to bleed out,
But then I heard, "call 9-1-1!",
Couldn't hear words, only muffled shouts,
I can't imagine the shadows if it was a gun.

I left my heaven far behind,
I am just another sinner,
My sold isn't worth much, he can have it for free,
But it will be made out of Cinder.

Grimm mirror, Grimm mirror, grime on the wall, rusted on waiting to fall

No glass slippers for those who don't dance
No fiction princess gets a second chance

Grimm mirror, Grimm mirror, grime on the wall, shadow behind standing tall

The past can't escape for those you love,
leading through the labyrinth like a blackened dove


Grimm mirror, Grimm mirror, grime on the wall, all those moments you want to stall

Are gone and forever over, trying to plan a better Tomorrow
Trying to not see the pain and the sorrow

Grimm mirror, Grimm mirror, grime on the wall, rushed and had to miss the ball

Mad at you for leaving behind
A trace of evidence they might find
You are at a short time
Running before the bells chime


Grimm mirror, Grimm mirror, grime on the wall, try to to hide from everybody's calls

Wipe away the tears and cries
Feed them full with all your lies
But nobody can deny
The blankness in your eyes  


Grimm mirror, Grimm mirror, grime on the wall, the heart can only hold so many emotions at all

All the time you wasted
Time made it aged
All of the cries are faded
Even the "hallowed be thy nameth"

I can't think straight right now
And I feel like I will stop breathing any minute
My head is trying comprehend why things happen to me
But I can't because my mind is going so fast right now
I can feel myself as an entity, but not as a person.
I feel like I'm here but not here and that I theoretically exhist but not as a soul.
My lungs don't want to work but in forcing them to work.
I can't handle the shrieking yells of my mom about no food left and dad threatening us all.
6 of us is alot of threatening
I really hurts to cry but I can't keep it all inside anymore
No ideas left of how to deal with anything
I can't cry because if I see myself cry I'll think of it as a sign of weakness. I can't hold anything back anymore because its so strong that I'll just crumble.
My legs are lead now because of so many things and so many thoughts are holding me down.
My heart can't function since its been ripped apart for so long .
I think I am  in shock but nothing happened but the expected.
People telling me stuff that I can't hear anymore.
I'm pathetic.
I need to lose weight.
I am a *******.
I will never be any smarter.
I can't do any thing properly.
I thought of cutting myself.
But then, it's only an act towards myself and only I would see it.
I thought of killing myself, but then that would be too quick and people wouldn't know how I suffer in silence and in agony.
Something more drastic. Drugs, no. Can't get any in my town. *****, doesn't sound that appealing. I need something to help other people see how I am degrading in my life. Maybe an eating disorder. I could disappear before all their eyes, and it would be painful and long. Yes
To me that's the perfect revenge.

There was a gentleman who intended,
To bend my already tattered wings,
His desire to break my frame,
He threw shards of glass at me, as if they were words,
His sturdy arms turned into a cage,
Then he in me, even inside my head,
Tossed me away like a wasted breathe.
I shed tears as if they were ***** clothes, and I shed those, too,
Mental health rusted with time,
Any amount of rain couldn't wash it away,
No amount of dust could cover it up,
The numbness quickly went away,
It faded like dead leaves scattered in a whirlwind,
Constantly scratching an invisible scar on my wrist,
Being unwanted so letting myself be alone, until a candle lights up.

Her first dress was mauve,
The cost, a very good deal,
With her make up done nice
And her first pair of pretty heels.
Dancing with a date,
Her known life lover,
His thoughts romantic,
Her thoughts in hover.
He leads the way,
To both dance and door,
With a fading street lamp,
Her first kiss galore.
Her second dress was Ivory,
With her her self done a bliss,
This wasn't their first,
But their best kiss.
This time he leads,
His vows wrote down in a letter,
That happened, now their dancing,
In her heels, this time a bit better.
Her last dress was Black,
In the wind it goes swoosh,
She didn't let herself,
But others emotions are loose.
Her hair isn't done up,
Not like the others,
His thoughts are gone,
Hers still in a hover.
She isn't wearing heels,
She can barely stand,
The bagpipes are crying,
All about the land.
Shivers gave Scotland the Brave,
Amazing grace brought her tears of joy,
But she still had to listen,
To her losing her own Danny Boy.
Her first dress was Mauve, her second Ivory,
Her last was Black,
Even though she wishes it a thousand times,
To youth they can never go back.

My exhistance is like an ocean; a basic supply
To the human planet.
My emotions are like a river; deep and flowing one minute, strong and deadly another.
My drop from reality is like a waterfall; suspeneded in the air for seconds before crashing hard.
My patience is like a creek; quietly moving on, and rarely making a sound.
My reflection is like a pond; still and there, but covered in lillies and algae.
My knowledge is like a mist; clouding things from myself, hoping I can at least know they are there.
My anger is like steam; fast and leaving the kettle, and can never be put back.
My tears are like dew; falling down, rolling down to the underside, where nobody can see.

If looks could ****
You'd be gone
Locked and stuffed
Away from me

If looks could ****
You'd be a pastel shade
Of white . Gone
Like my sanity

If looks could ****
You'd be in agony
Like me

If looks could ****
You heart would
Hurt like mine does

If looks could ****
Nobody would ever find you
Except me maybe

If looks could ****
You'd be sporting
A gunshot wound
Between the eyes

If looks could ****
You'd be praying or
Blabbing jibberish

If looks could ****
You be wearing new bracelets
Of red ink

If looks could ****
You'd have a new rope
Necklace because your so
Glam

If looks could ****
I'd die on the spot and
My heart would give out
From that look you gave
Me

Bad ideas come from bad influences
The first time was the best
So commonly found around
But different from the rest

The white rabbits were jumping
And the purple haze came in to sight
I could see everything in the dark
And nothing in the light

I guess that's why people go to the dark
You can adjust to see what ever you wanna see
In the light it blinds you
And wanna be free

My thoughts came tumbling
Down the rabbit hole and farther
Breaking nails trying to climb back up
Was significantly harder

There was no sunshine of my love the last time
Only stuck in the shade
My thoughts forming into the pills
Of loneliness and hate

Eventually the dark was too scary
I climbed up into the light
That only mountain I climbed
Was good and right

The cravings went away
But not for a hard days night
It went away eventually
But not without a ****** fight

The the trigger went off
Then the bullet hit my brain
Then the old friends I left behind
Wanted to play a game

We decided to play with guns
It was Russian roulette
It was my turn to play
I can't lose the bet

It was only a pistol in the mind,
But really my old cellphone
This was my last chance
But it was already blown

I called up Alice
She too was a waste
I needed it so bad
Me and my old friends screamed in her face

I did again what I did before
But there was no stopping me
No matter how expensive
No matter what the fee

The last thing I remember
Was religion and souls
I was already alone
Tumbling down the rabbit hole.

My lungs are closing up
I need you to give me air
I guess it's kinda hard to to do when
Your not even there

I need to have security
I need your comforting safety
I need you here with me now
With your tight arms around me

But you given up
You can't handle burden
The only thing I can replace you
With is burning bourbon

The reason why it burns
Is because the air I can get on my own
But you've given up on me
Don't worry, I won't be coming home

Walking in the night and notice the dark
It's looks really far
But it doesn't matter anymore
To you I'm just and old scar

I'm dead on the inside
But somehow I'm still breathing
I think it's pulmonary shock
Of both of us leaving

You ran to the liquor
To try and drink out the hole
You have no idea the damage
Done to my soul

The Darkness, can be anything.
You can be scared, and see it as
A Monster,
Who can hear your heartbeat,
Who can mimick your eyes' expectations,
Who can amplify every tick of the clock,
Who can make pipes scream and boards wail,
Who can make a breeze into a breathe.

Or you can be calm, and see it
As a friend, who will cover you
In it, like a blanket or a sweater.
A rippling pool of black, slightly
Moving you like a wave
Isolation, from everything you
Can't handle, you give it to the darkness,
And it becomes a foundation.

Or you could be like me and turn on
The lights.

Most of the other children aren't
As lucky as I am. They lay
In their own beds, in their own rooms.
But I have my best friend of all.
They get their own moms and dads,
While 30 of us are sleeping in one big
Hall, crowded together in bunk beds,
But I get to share my bed with Teddy Bear.
We hug each other at night, waiting to stand
In line tomorrow, to find new parents, but
Teddy Bear is my family. He watches dark closets
For me in the night, and fights the boogeyman in the
Dark. He comforts me, telling me one day I can have
My own parents, and in real life, he's scary, but to me.
He loves me, the only o e, and hnis my family.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

Is it the reflection that looks happy?
Who has nice tan skin?
The cat eye eyeliner?
The rosy blush?
The killer collarbones?
The thigh gap?
The size zero waist?
The flirty bad girl smile?
The one who loves to party?
The one who loves to party too much?
Who will end up breaking your heart?

Or is it the reflection who looks alone?
With the pale, unkissed skin?
The one who doesn't wear make up?
The one who doesn't cover herself up?
The girl without the collarbones ?
The girl who's just a little bit chubby ?
The size healthy waist?
The one with the crooked grin?
The one who loves to listen?
The one who will always listen to you?
Because instead of breaking your heart, she breaks her own by trying to mend a crack that can't be filled by herself, but she won't be the reflection you want, but the reality you need to get away from the mirror on the wall.

Our old adventures were like fables,
Enjoying our time for who we were,
Not having each other wear a label,
We had patches of lost friendship,
Over the long years, having clubs,
Only us two with valid memberships,
I remember our drunken midnight kiss,
I laughed and you kissed my teeth,
But again you didn't miss,
We learned lessons through each other,
Now a brother, I hope you get
To climb a ladder to the stars,
Comforting moss on the rungs,
And have happiness gather at the top.

Time keeps painting my darling
Ripped all the flowers in the garden
Oh baby come home, you angels bring her home

Imens står solen over højen
Han mindes den sommer hvor *** strålede
Forsvandt I haven grøn, og træernes sang *** fandt
(In the mean while the sun stands above the hill
He recalls the summer she shone
Vanished in the green garden, and she found the song of the trees )

Time keeps painting my darling
And the garden keeps on singing the old song
Oh baby still I am waiting in the light
Hoping the angels would carry you home

Den sang tog mørket I sin pote
Den bar hans kvinde I dens kolde favn
Og lagde hende for hans dør I silkekjole
(That song the darkness took in its paw
It carried his woman in its cold embrace
And laid her at his door in a silken dress)

Hoping the angels would carry her home
Leaving it all with my only friend
Her beauty was lifeless on the stair
Oh baby I´ll carry you away into the garden´s tale
But everything (had) died and turned to stones
I laid her down under the old oak
Seeing it all blossom forever more
Time keeps on painting my darling
And the garden keeps on singing the old song
Oh baby now I know you´re in the light
Painting it all with your colorful songs

Imens står solen over højen
Hans skygge kastes ud I haven grøn
Forsvandt for evigt og uden en note
Hoping the angels will carry will carry her home
(In the mean while the sun stands above the hill
His shadow stretches out into the green garden
Vanished forever and without a note)

Time keeps painting my darling
Ripped all the flowers in the garden
Oh baby you´re home, you angels where are you.

The hoofs scarred the earth
As they they across
Releasing energy of every
Emotion
The mane runs along side
Rippling like the patriotic flag
It bends and bows to every breeze
The rumble of the running
Is like music of the earth
The snorts are are the cries of war
Compared to the shots and explosions
They race through the trenches
Faster than in the fields
They even wear they're own uniform
The leather dances on their backs
As they dodge the bullets
Their sense of duty belongs to the soldiers
Running to find their wound decorated
Comrades, hiding in the mud
Waiting for hope
Everybody remembers the soldiers
And the war mothers
But not any of the other
Volunteers

My
Young lust
Is going into
Inter stellar overdrive
Strong emotions of feeling
Fearless
But I am
Lost for words
One of these days I'll be
Learning to fly
But
Us and them
Are
Running like hell
One of these days
I
Wish You Were Here
With me while I
Have A Cigar
My thoughts will be
Coming back to life
I have
High hopes
For the
Echoes
Behind the wall
But they are only
Another Brick in the wall
Sitting here while my
Brain damage
screams
Hey you
But bieng
Comfortably numb
No one will reach me on
**The dark side of the moon

I'm trying to figure out what this means
What it means to be done
When we broke up I didn't cry
I was too shocked
When you told me about the other girl
I didn't scream or hit you
Still trying to process the conversation
Over and over and over
Stuck on repeat
Replaying it in my mind
Could I have done something
To keep us together
To keep us happy
To see you smile on last time
No.
I couldn't do anything because the words
Lashed at me like a whip
Leaving me in pain but refusing to cry out
For your satisfaction
You walked away with a smirk at the corner
Of your smile but I didn't care
I replaced you with cigarettes
Because like you no matter how dangerous
They'll love you an leave coming back
For
More.
I got home one day a few weeks later
And replaced you again with the blade
Of a pencil sharpener
You tore a hole in my heart and the only way
The feel like that again was to tear a hole in
Myself but not the wrists
That's too obvious
Before we finished you always told me you
Loved my overly curvy legs
I didn't so seeing the cuts there was like seeing your face one more time
But then I'd see that last smirk in the corner of
Your smile and I knew I made you smile again
So I stopped you met a new girl with big *****
And a small waist and way too much makeup
And I felt happy because you finally found someone else to torture besides me
The she struts was like a cow
One foot in front of the other
The way she laughed was like a ******* banshee looking around to see if anyone else was laughing
So all I have to say now is congratulations
Great performance on the loving male
character who pretends all the time but
who has a habit of breaking hearts like a
convict breaking parole
Good job on making her makeup smear
that day you were finished with her and good performance on before you walked away you had that same smirk in the the corner of
your smile. But one day the girl will break your heart and you'll be wondering why
and she'll walk away with a little smirk in the corner of her smile.
What goes around comes around, just
like a circle and when you meet
the last one she'll be hurtful.

The window frame is frosted shut
With age and time
The edges of the painted pane
Are scorched all well and fine

The mystery welcomes visitors
Trying to buy the house
But their blind eyes watching
Eventually drives them out

The story is told through the creaks
And rythemic bangs
The noose at the gallows
That's where it hangs

The essence of the house
Is fueled by thoughts
The rope of the noose is
Tangled, torn with knots

The walls are painted with dirt
But sounds bring to life
The story of a girl
Fascinated with a knife

The only way to rid it
Is if you put out the fire
It won't go out, never goes out
And the flames are crawling higher.

They skim the top layer of my skin
(blades...blades...blades...)
It is colder than the glares I get
(blades...blades...blades...)
It gives me so many goosebumps
(blades...blades...blades...)
But there are things I won't forget
(blades...blades...blades...)
A thesaurus is beside my note
(blades...blades...blades...)
But it cannot sum up any words
(blades...blades...blades...)
Perfect visions dance in my head
(blades...blades...blades...)
My written words are blurred
(blades...blades...blades...)
The feelings are coming back
(blades...blades...blades...)
And so are the old thoughts
(blades...blades...blades...)
And even my scars
(blades...blades...blades...)
Of the battles I've fought
(blades...blades...blades...)
The scars are a metaphor
(blades...blades...blades...)
For disappearing into nature
(blades...blades...blades...)
I can hear the animals roar
(blades...blades...blades...)
"****! I hate her!"
(blades...blades...blades...)
I'm not a normal girl
(blades...blades...blades...)
My necklace is a razor blade
(blades...blades...blades...)
One obsessing thought over and over
(blades...blades...blades...)
That I may use it one day.

Trying to say what you feel
But no words can describe the horror
No eraser can rid the words of pain in lead
No white out can erase scars of ink
Permanent
That's what pain is
Sticks with you forever like a cut or tattoo
Cover yourself up so nobody can see
The true self you are  
Lie to yourself
Feed your mind thoughts and stories of what you can be instead of are
Because that's reality
The invisible noise choking the speech of truth
The mirror your fist can't break
Only see the shattered reflection
Waiting for your life to break like the pieces of glass
Or maybe that's it
The pieces refusing to fall is faith
Expecting them to fall
But knowing they won't

Like a cracked painting
It looks like it will fall apart but with faith it can stick together through all the cracks
The watercolours are a metaphor of emotions
One solid color is strong then fades to a pastel and swirls with the next hue
A barely there shade you have to
Try to see
The chaotic stokes of the brush by a mad painter trying to captures scene or moment that will last forever only in memory  
Or hell
Even a photograph
A black and white scene that helps you remember
But you can't remember the emotions
Only a snapshot of life
One moment you had
But life goes on

Like a jewelry box you wind it up
So tights sometimes
The song plays rapidly
Letting loose the notes it has
Withheld from the silence
And eventually lingers away from
Sound

Like a grand piano
You see it's Beauty but not it's pain
You see the ivory keys
You do not see their chips
You see the strings
You do not see how their torn under pressure
You don't know
So don't assume

Haunted words
Haunted mind
Looking for something
I cannot find

Looking through the dark
Is the hardest thing of all
Trusting your instincts
But waiting to fall

I can the reaper
At the edge of the clearing
He knows what I know
He knows what I'm fearing

He walks over slowly
Not looking at me
But my surroundings
Waiting to be free

I try to run away
In slow motion time
I'm suffering the consequence
Of a high crime

Slipping through time
Falling through nothing
Tumbling through gravity
But not even rushing

This is punishment
Enduring forever
Forgetting the ending
Never, never

Still walking the reaper stands
Alone in the trees disappearing
He stands looking grim
And looking leering

His hooded cloak
Ripples in the air
The balances in his hand
Are equal and fair

I'm a goner with
Nowhere left to hide
Now he takes my hand
And guides me through the night

He's locked me in his chains
It's already be an eternity
I guess that's what's what happens
When you have nowhere left to go
Purgatory

Living life is too easy but pretending life is easy is too hard

Though I will say my silent goodbyes
Everything dies but not everything lives
The life I  gained the life  I lost the life I replaced

The pain in life came from a previous life
The tears in life come from the regrets
The anger in life came from things you couldn't change
The sight in life came from the blindness
The confusion in life came from blankness
The sadness in life came from the heartache
The memories in life came from the moments
In life death flashes before your eyes
In death life flashes before your eyes

"Just try it! " said Jonathon. He held out the straw. I don't want to take it.
"No, it's killing you. Can't you see that? I'm not gonna do it", I said, sitting up straighter. He gave me his best puppy dog eyes. The amount of crap he's been using made his eyes wet, like a puppy. And sadley  enough it was working. His little green eyes were already glazed from the **** at the start of the party. I didn't come to Dan's party w/ Jonathon, I met up w/ Jonathon at the beer keg.
"Please!" He whined. The extra coke he'd done gave him extra energy. His legs were bouncing in and out of his chair. His eyes were huge now. I hesitated.
" Dont tell anyone, or your digging your own grave."
I took the draw from his hands. A huge wave of adrenaline drowned my thoughts and my heart stopped. I leant over the rave were the coke was w/ the razor blade and the lines. I didn't even breathe for fear of breathing it all away. I should've. Inlet out a small breathe out the side and did the line like a champ. In one single snort. My nostrils burned, along w/ my brain. Jonathon told me to take another hit, so I did. It burned again, this time like a solar flare.
But I did it. I was done.
People say when the feeling of need comes, it's impossible to stop. My feeling of need came 3 hours later.
Then I realized one thing.
There was no going back after that.

Tears Tears Tears
They mingle w/ the
Fears Fears Fears

Anger Anger Anger
Reflects the
Danger Danger Danger

Bruises Bruises Bruises
Shows how many battles I've
Losed Losed Losed

Ache Ache Ache
Where my big heart
Breaks Breaks Breaks

Frightened of what I will become
Scared of what I already am.

Sad of what I have all done
Frustrated of what I can't.

Angry of what I cannot change
Regretful of the things that I switched

Disappointed of all my lies
Grateful of them instead of the truth

Thankful nobody knows my mind
Hurt so bad because nobody can

Isolated because nobody realizes
Watched over suspicion

Heart and mind are separated
because they cannot work together

Emotions run too fast
Descions ramble on

Choices are all clouded over
Directions aren't even clear

The pen bleeds the ink for me
And the pencil scratches the graphite

The paper suffers silently
Getting stained with pressure

Understanding how the paper suffers in silence
Knowing why is because nobody will listen

In the night
My thoughts are spinning like a carousel
But they're really going nowhere
My are hands are trembling  
But steadier than ever
The cigarettes lie next to the ***** and pills

In the night
The smoke wafts in the air
Coming towards me like a monster
It swirls in front and behind
Hidden obstacles trying
To grasp at my lungs

In the night
The ***** gives me look
Saying come here
It's a dangerous lake
Where I drown every night
Refusing to come up for
Any air

In the night
The pills sit there silent, but
Trying to coax me forward
The odd shaped chemicals
Drop me off in a hurt to
Nowhere land

In the night
I started a new hobby
They call it cutting
I call it
Permanent skin design
It won't get out of hand
That would take awhile

In the night
The night goes slower
Than the day does
The souls I took
Leave glare in my eyes
They look me in

In the night
The patches on my cut
Shine in the light
The lamp shows
My name through the thread
My stomach growls like a dog

In the night
I won't go down yet
But by man made substance
Drifting into nowhere land
Dropping me at the gates
Waiting for admission

People say alot of things
Like
It will get better
Things will ease up
Your strong and you'll get through it
I refer to myself as a painting
Old, cracked, that nobody's spares
A second of their time to see what is
Truly underneath
I try to see where they are coming from
As they tell me their lies
"You're Beatiful "
"Don't change "
"Your not fat, your fluffy"
But I can hear the subliminal messages
"Try a little makeup"
"Improve your self"
"I hear veggies trim the waist"
I can see their eyes trying to
Cover the harsh truth they wanna tell me
But I listen
But I listen
I tried a few if those things
Didn't work at all
My friends come to me w/ their problems
But I listen
Everyday is some new issue that my
Ears have to endure so I can tell
Myself I do have friends that will do the same
But they don't listen
But they don't listen
My eardrums could explode from the
Quantity of problems I can't voice on my own
But I listen
I would take a bullet for them, while I try to
Pretend everyday they would do the same
My heart hangs like a dead body
In the gallows, the handman counting
Another mark to his body count
But it hangs in the noose that chokes me
From saying anything
They can say all they want to me
But it hard to talk when not only your
Body but mind is dead
The lonesome cry of failure
Haunts my mind as I try to
Change for everybody
Anybody
But I listen
My oxygen supply is cut low from all the
Thoughts that drown me at the night
Trying to figure stuff out
But no solution works
No piece of the puzzle fits

The imaginary friends I had tell
Me things I can't bear to hear
That starving would work
Or layers of foundation will help
Or go out and buy a new personality
But I ignore them with all my strength
Because I know someday an original is
Worth more than a copy
I know I can be my own soul
And not have to take cruel letters
That form together
If you think about cruel words are just alot
Of meaningless letters
So **** the alphebet
This is how it will be from now on
With my new found strength

Worthwhile.

Have you ever sat and down and thought about stuff but not really think about them all?

Have you ever wondered why the bad things happen after the good things?

Have you ever wondered what it is that wipes all the great things from your mind?

Have you ever regretted making a decision that could have changed or prevented something else?

Have you ever needed to cry so bad but the corners of your eyes refuse it?

Have you ever felt so pathetic that it hurts your heart knowing what you've become lately?

Have you ever felt so ashamed that you hide behind a curtain of make believe everyday?

Have you ever been so ashamed of what you are or what you've become that you think life would be better without you in it?

Have you ever cried in an apology so hard that they think your faking it really well?

Have you ever wanted to die so bad, that you think life is just the sentence instead?

I, Catherine Francis Pelletier, do.

Dread fills my body
My nerves begin to react on their own
Awaiting the anger filled conversation  
I can't respond to his yells
Can only see the hurt in his eyes
That I caused by an accident
No matter how many "Sorry"'s
I say he won't forget my action
My stomach threatens an acidic
Explosion up my throat but I manage
To push it till later when I can't handle
It.
But I don't think I can handle to see the
Disappointment in his eyes.