You don't love someone if you can leave them for days without warning.
You don't love someone if your happiness means more to you than theirs.
You don't love someone if you can lie straight to their face and not feel the slightest bit guilty.
You don't love someone if seeing them cry doesn't shred your heart to pieces.
You don't love someone if you get angry at them for being upset and they don't open up to you right away.
You don't love someone if you make them feel guilty for things that are out of their control.
You don't love someone if falling asleep to their voice isn't the most comforting thing to you.
You don't love someone if their laugh isn't your favorite sound.
You don't love someone if when you look into their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself.
You don't love someone if when you kiss them, your mind doesn't go completely fuzzy and you can still remember your name.
You don't love someone if being in their arms doesn't feel like home
You don't love someone if you allow your friends to talk badly about them and you agree.
You don't love someone if just hearing their name doesn't make you smile.
You don't love someone if making them happy isn't one of your top priorities.
You don't love someone if you can admit that they love you more.


    

                                    B.S.

I hate you
I hate the way you laugh
I hate the way your eyes squint when you smile
I hate your long, skeleton-like fingers
I hate your freckles that scatter across your nose and cheeks
I hate your long legs
I hate your body
I hate your messy brown hair
I hate your bruised skin
I hate your knobby knees
I hate the way you laugh
I hate your voice
I hate how you wrinkle your forehead
I hate how you lock your heart away from people
I hate how negative you are
I hate how you let people use you
I hate how you can't tell people "no"
I hate how you give in so easily
I hate how you care about people who don't give a **** about you
I hate how you love people more than they love you
I hate how you fall for lies
I hate how you care about what people think
I hate how you try so hard to please people
I hate how ditzy you can be
I hate how you can be so clueless to the outside world
I hate how you make the same mistakes over and over again
I hate how you let things get to you
I hate how you're so forgiving
I hate how you give everyone a chance
I hate how you give people second chances when they don't deserve it
I hate how you feel guilty about everything even when you've done nothing wrong
I hate how you let people take advantage of you
I hate how sad you are
I hate how you hide your feelings
I hate how you bottle everything up until you blow
I hate how you break people's hearts
I hate how you don't care
I hate how you don't have motivation to do anything
I hate how you get annoyed so easily
I hate how you're willing to do anything for people who wouldn't even lift a finger for you
I hate how you give yourself to people to fill the void inside you
I hate how your body constantly shakes because you're always nervous about something
I hate how you feel trapped
I hate how your chest gets tight when you think about how much you miss him
I hate the way you treat yourself


I hate how much I hate myself*


                                B.S.

Did he make you smile so much your cheeks were sore?
No.
Did he kiss you the way the sun kisses the horizon at sunset?
No.
Did he ever get so lost in your eyes that the only way to release him from the trance was by closing your eyes?
No.
Did his hands shake at the thought of losing you?
No.
Did he ever admit when he was wrong?
No.
Did he want you and only you?
No.
Did he tell you that you meant so much to him that if he lost you, his whole world would collapse?
No.
Did he send chills up your spine the moment his skin touched yours?
No.
Did he allow you to be free to make your own decisions?
No.
Did he make you the center of his world?
No.
Did he love you more than you loved him?
No.
Did he allow you to free yourself from him so that you could be happy?
No.
Did he remind you of how much he loves you everyday?
No.


I'm sorry, but he never loved you.




                              B.S.

10:23: Hey, I miss you.
11:47: I hope you're okay.
1:19: Please text me back, I'm worried.
2:10: Come back. Come back. Come back.
3:14: I'm so sorry.
3:26: I love you. Please reply.
3:58: Okay, well I'll be here if you need me.
4:17: I love you.

He never replied, but I'm still waiting.


          

                                 B.S.

Abandoned buildings, towns, homes, and everything in between have always sparked my curiosity. Each of them have a story to tell which I yearn to hear.  

Maybe that's why I've always been so drawn to you.


                                  B.S.

It seems to me as though people don't take the chance to get to know other people anymore. It's all about physical attraction and getting with that one person that everyone wants. Maybe we know each other's names and maybe where we're from, but do we know each other's pet peeves or biggest fears? Hell, do we even know each other's favorite color or birthday? The answer to that question is no. We don't. But one thing that I've found is that you'll never know someone better than that person that decided to sit next to you on the airplane on your way back home for the holidays. Maybe airplanes aren't the most intimate place to have deep conversations, but you're stuck with that person for god knows how long and chances are, you'll never see them again so why not open up and ask this person questions about themselves? I've met many different people when I've traveled by myself and I couldn't be more grateful for the opportunity I had to get to know these people. Ive met an old man from Australia who couldn't keep his mouth shut about a girl he had a crush on when he was twelve. He crashed his bike while she was sitting on his handle bars after they snuck out of their houses to see each other. I've met an older woman who found my college textbook about Confucius to be one of the most interesting books she's read after I let her borrow it for awhile. I've met a teenage girl who was traveling on her own to go see her family in Italy and told me about everything that she wishes to accomplish one day. I've sat with a boy I've met previously once before who I never knew had a thing for old cars and loves cold weather. But you know what the best thing is? You finally notice how people look at you. That old Australian man, yeah, he had the goofiest smile I have ever seen after I told him that he had one of the sweetest love stories I've heard in my entire life. Even as he shut his eyes to try to take a quick nap, he was still smiling. And when I could feel the older woman's eyes on me while writing my paper about Chinese philosophy, I caught her with bright eyes and the slightest smile on her face when i turned to look at her.  That girl traveling alone, well, I don't think I've ever seen a bigger smile after I told her that she's going to accomplish great things in her life. And that boy I sat with, couldn't stop smiling no matter what I said. Every time I'd turn to look at him, I'd catch a glimpse of him smiling before he turned his head to hide his face. All I'm trying to say is, I wish that maybe one day, I could get to know you as well as I know these people I've met on the airplane. I wish that maybe I'll finally have the chance to see the way you look at me.



                                B.S.

Comfort is laying my head on your chest listening to your heartbeat while you run your fingertips up and down my spine.
Comfort is you holding me so close to you that I can almost feel your blood pulse through your veins.
Comfort is you randomly kissing me throughout the night while I'm asleep next to you.
Comfort is feeling your lips leave trails of kisses down my neck to my collarbones.
Comfort is feeling your fingers weaved through mine, tightening whenever someone got too close to me.
Comfort is missing your lips when I lean in for a kiss and all we can do is laugh at how clumsy I am.
Comfort is hearing you whisper sweet nothings in my ear while you run your hands down my body.
Comfort is tangling my fingers in your hair while you kiss me deeper than you ever have before.
Comfort is feeling your skin melt into mine.
Comfort is you.



                               B.S.

If he tells you he loves you but doesn't ever prove it, let him go.
If he pushes you down more than he picks you up, let him go.
If he doesn't make you smile like he did the first time you saw him, let him go.
If he's the reason why your pillow is soaked with tears every night, let him go.
If he ever threatens to leave you because he doesn't get his way, let him go.
If he's cracking your heart a little more everyday, let him go.
If he makes her smile while you're sitting alone crying, let him go.
If he makes you hate yourself, let him go.
If he tries to change you, let him go.
If he forces you into things you don't want, let him go.
If he's the reason for the empty feeling in your chest, let him go.
If he leaves and comes back whenever he pleases, let him go.
If you've given him more than one chance and he ***** up again, let him go.


Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes there's nothing else you can do. Yeah, I know you love him. You're more important, though. I promise that you will be okay without him. Don't let him drag you down no matter how much you love him because I guarantee he doesn't love you as much as he claims to.



                               B.S.

I
could
shower
myself
in
stardust
and
I
still
wouldn't
shine
as
bright
as
her*


                              B.S.

I just want to be tangled in your arms with my head in the crook of your neck. I want to feel you kiss my forehead as im falling asleep

I want to run my fingers up and down your bare skin. I want to wrap my legs around yours and feel you pull me closer to you

I want go fall asleep and wake up with your scent filling my nose. I want to see your sleepy stares and tired smiles

I want you to steal the blankets from me in the middle of the night and when I try to pull them back, you wrap them around my shoulder

I want you to run your fingers down my spine and kiss me softly. I want you to leave trails of kisses down my neck and my chest. I want you.



                              B.S.

Close your eyes
Take a deep breath
Let it out
Open you eyes
Look them straight in the face
Tell them you love them
Walk away without turning back*


If the person you love is making you feel like you're being held underwater for an ungodly amount of time, here's your sign. Do yourself a favor and let go. It doesn't matter how much you love them because I guarantee they don't love you as much as you love them. They don't care about you as much as you care about them. They're a leech, ******* out every ounce of energy you have left. You don't need them. If it hurts more to tell them you love them than it does to think about what it would be like if you lost them, you need to let go. You need to rip yourself off them like a bandaid. It's going to hurt, but you'll be okay. As a matter of fact, you'll be better off than you were. I promise.*



                                 B.S.

Today, a man asked me if I'm happy. I thought about his question for a moment. I mean, there's nothing wrong with my life. I have a great family, I adore my friends, I'm going to a college I love, yet I still feel empty. I told him "yes" anyway. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know you're lying." I thought my facade was convincing, but I guess I'm losing my talent.


                               B.S.

Your walls heard all of the confessions I whispered to you while you were asleep. They heard me talk about how terrified I was to fall for you. They heard me say that I was scared that you were going to get to know me better and you weren't going to want me anymore the first time I stayed in your bed. They heard me tell you that you made me happier than anyone ever has and that you're the reason why I can finally wake up in the morning and actually get myself out of bed. They heard me tell you that it hurts when you drink yourself sick and I'm worried that you're going to destroy yourself. They heard me tell you that I hate how you bail on me and that it makes me feel unimportant to you even though you fell asleep with me wrapped up in your arms. They heard me tell you that I could spend my entire life with you and I would never get tired of you. They heard me whisper "I love you" for the first time and then later heard me say it over and over again until I fell asleep with my face buried in your chest. Your walls have heard everything I never had the guts to say. They heard everything. I just hope that they can keep my secrets and I wonder what secrets my walls are keeping, too.




                                   B.S.

I remember the first night I met you. You greeted me with a smile, and god, that smile could have ended wars.

That same night, you told me that I'm beautiful accompanied by a "good night" text.

The next few weeks of being with you consisted of the same exact routine.

You seemed almost perfect from what I could  tell.

Every time we were together, it was a little after 11:00 pm and we were always busy laughing and kissing, ignoring the movie you had playing for the past forty five minutes. (Although, it didn't really matter considering you had an awful habit of starting the movie where you left it playing the last time you watched it.)

You finally asked me to turn off your t.v. so it could just be me, you, and the dark.  

We laid there with our bodies pressed together enjoying the silence. I'd feel your fingertips running down my side, to my hip, and you'd slide your hand up the back of my shirt so you could run your hand down the vertebrates of my spine.

You told me that my skin was soft and you couldn't seem to keep your hands off it. If I close my eyes, I can still imagine how it felt to feel your skin on mine. The goosebumps still appear even though I know you're not really here.  

You always had a thing for staring at me far too long for my comfort. I covered your face, you kissed my hand, and after I removed it, you stared at me so intensely for a few more seconds, it was as if you were trying to dig out my secrets.

And don't even get me started about your lips.

Every time you kissed me, it always felt like it would be the last, but it wasn't. The last time you really kissed me, I had no idea I would never feel your velvet lips on mine. I thought you'd stay forever and I'd never have to go a day without kissing you, but boy, did I have a very unpleasant surprise coming my way.

We'd fall asleep in each other's arms every single night we were together, even though we both knew I had to be back in my own bed within the next hour or two. I'd wake up, check the time, and you'd whisper how you didn't want me to leave yet and how you'd miss me too much, but you couldn't stay with me because I had to wake up for class the next morning.

You walked me home every time, even though it was freezing outside and you were exhausted from a long day at work. Our hands were constantly  clasped so tight it seemed as if they had melted together and nothing could get between us. You made sure I was safe before leaving me with a sweet goodbye kiss.

You'd text me when you got back home and would tell me goodnight even though I just saw you ten minutes before that.

My clothes smelled like you. My hair smelled like you. God, even my skin smelled like you. I'd fall asleep with my sleeves pressed up against my nose because it helped me forget that I had to sleep without you for the rest of the night.

I'd wait all day to see you again. The hours dragged on forever. I couldn't wait to be in your arms again. I have never craved someone so badly before. You were different.

Unfortunately, this all came to a halt. I still remember the last night I spent with you. I even remember what outfit I wore. I had no idea I would never see you again. I knew you had to leave for a little while, but not forever.

I lost you.

I didn't know why. I wondered what I did wrong, but come to find, it wasn't me who ****** up. It was you. I didn't understand why you did what you did, but you told me you had your reasons. You had no valid excuse of hurting me, though. You were at a loss for words until I was sending you paragraph after paragraph and you finally had some ******* to come up with.

I hope she was worth it.

I could have loved you. If only you gave me the chance.



                             B.S.

I don't miss your lies.
I don't miss how you used me.
I don't miss how you never cared.
I don't miss how you hurt me constantly.
I don't miss how you'd yell at me.
I don't miss how you made me cry.
I don't miss feeling alone even though I had you.
I don't miss telling you I love you.
I don't miss contemplating whether I should leave.
I don't miss how I was afraid of you.
I don't miss how angry you were.
I don't miss your threats.
I don't miss how you treated me.
I don't miss you.


                              B.S.

I've always had a thing for tales of forbidden love and twisted love stories.

Maybe that's why I've been craving you.


                                 B.S.

You told me that loving me hurt. It hurt to love me and I never understood why until I tried to love myself. You're right, it did hurt. I understand now that it hurts to love someone that could never love you back the way you love them. It hurts loving someone who loves the duller things in life but also loves every ******* thing this world has to offer and there's no way to keep up with them. It hurts because you don't want to hold them back from what makes them happy. It hurts loving someone who's so distant but also needs to keep you as close as possible and you have no idea how to keep them from slipping away. It hurts loving someone who never knows what they want and can never make a decision so you're constantly frustrated. It hurts loving someone who doesn't trust you or anyone that you're around. They don't trust anyone for that matter. It hurts loving someone that flinches every time you try to touch them and you have no idea why. But you know, love is supposed to hurt sometimes. Love isn't supposed to make you feel like you're constantly walking on clouds. Love makes you feel like you have an anchor chained to your ankle and it's dragging you to the bottom of the ocean. Love makes you feel a heavy weight on your chest sometimes and that's ******* okay. I get it, though. Loving me hurt. But loving me doesn't hurt anymore ever since I stopped loving you. So I guess it wasn't me, it was you. Loving me hurt because of you.




                                        B.S.

You told me you wanted me.
But you already had her.
You told me you needed me.
But it was obvious you needed her more.
You told me you wished I was there with you more than anything.
But she was already there.
You told me I meant the world to you.
But she was your whole world.
You told me you were in love with my eyes.
But you were lost in hers.
You told me you wanted to kiss me.
But her saliva was already on your tongue.
You told me you loved me.
But you were in love with her.


                                B.S.

I am one of the hardest people to love. If you want a challenge, I guess I'm your girl. There are a few things you should know about me, though. 1. I most likely won't trust you even though you've never wronged me. 2. I'll push you away every chance I get. Don't let me, though. I secretly want you to stay. 3. I get upset over the smallest things. 4. I'm very good at making people feel guilty. 5. I laugh at everything to keep myself from crying.
6. I let all my sadness and anger build up until I explode. 7. I am extremely stubborn and will never admit I'm wrong. 8. I hate being told what to do, so don't try pushing me around. I won't allow it. 9. I am very clingy and protective. There are reasons for that which I am not willing to explain.
10. I figure out everything so don't try lying to me. Chances are I already know the truth. 11. I hate myself. Don't ask me why. Don't tell me to love myself. Don't expect me to love me just because you do. 12. I am very insecure. If you compliment me and I tell you no, it's not because I'm fishing for more compliments or begging for attention, I just don't believe your comment to be true. 13. I can't handle arguments. If we get in a fight, I'll most likely walk out. Let me go. It's for the best. I promise I'll come back. 14. I'll love you uncondionally. Please don't take advantage of that. 15. I like going on adventures and keeping myself busy. Please don't try holding me back. I won't stay. 16. I have days where I won't speak a word. Don't try forcing me to talk. We'll both end up frustrated. 17. I won't let you in easily.
18. I like to know every detail about people, but I won't let them know a thing about me. 19. I get excited over the smallest things, especially sunsets. If I make you drop everything to come look at it, just go with it. 20. Half the things I do, don't make sense. I'll laugh at myself, so laugh along with me.
If there's something on this list you won't be able to handle, don't bother with me.

I won't change myself for you.


                                   B.S.

Loving you reminded
Me of a lightning strike;
Metoric, powerful, and fierce.
Everytime your skin
Brushed mine,
It felt like you
Sent billions of volts
Of electricity through
my body  
Leaving no nerve untouched.
Your fingertips shocked my skin
Everytime you put your
Hands on me,
Leaving intricate scars
Across my body.
Your kisses stung, but I craved them.
You were dangerous,
Yet wondrous.  
And I was drawn to you.


                               B.S.

Let me tell you about the first boy I fell for. I mean, really fell for.

He was different. Not in a sense that he was strange or anything like that, but in a way that he was different from most people. He had a similar thought process to me and we actually understood each other. Whenever he would start talking about something that interested him, his eyes would light up and he would put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it whenever his story got more intense. He never broke eye contact with me when it was my turn to speak. He actually listened to what I had to say and no one has ever done that for me before.

I fell for his smile the first time I saw it. I don't know why I was so drawn to it, but I was. It was contagious.

I fell for his eyes. They were dark brown, almost black and extremely easy to get lost in. Everytime he would smile, his eyes would almost completely shut because of how big he was smiling. It made my heart melt.

I fell for how his hand fit so well in mine. Everywhere we went, our fingers were interlocked so tight that nothing could break through us. In fact, whenever someone would get too close to me, his hand would tighten around mine and he'd pull me closer to him. He made me feel safe.

I fell for the way he would look at me. We would be lying next to each other and I could feel his eyes on me. I'd look at him, smile, and cover his eyes with my hand telling him not to stare at me. He would reply with, "Don't tell me what to do. I'll stare at you all I want!" All I would do was laugh and kiss him quick on the cheek.

I fell for the way he touched me. He was always touching me one way or another. He would usually run his fingertips down my side to my hip and up my back. If I got lucky enough, I would feel him brush my hair back and gently kiss my neck. I couldn't help but smile and have the urge to kiss him over and over again.

I fell for the way he slept. Even then he had to be touching me, otherwise he would wake up and drag me closer to him. He looked so peaceful. I couldn't help but kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his hair.

I fell for the way he kissed me. It was natural. His lips seemed to melt with mine and not once did he try shoving his tongue down my throat. His kisses were addictive and I could not get enough of them.

He seemed perfect. Sadly, I didn't find out how big of a ******* he was until it was too late.



                                B.S.

I'm so sorry that I keep pushing you away.
My chest tightens at the thought of being in love.
I've been hurt so many **** times that it physically makes me sick to think about falling for someone again.
God, you mean so much to me, but I have no idea how to show it.
I'm scared.
Terrified for that matter.
I don't want to get hurt, but I don't want to lose you.
You make me happy, but I can't show you.
You make me feel again, but I won't tell you.
Because of you, I genuinely smile, but I won't let you see.
I just want to crawl under my covers and pretend I don't exist.
I don't want to fall for you.



                               B.S.