Fall in love with the way his voice shakes when he tells you he's scared to lose you
Fall in love with the way he smiles when you kiss his cheek while he's trying to sleep
Fall in love with the way he gives you goosebumps when he whispers sweet nothings in your ear
Fall in love with the way his fists clench when he gets frustrated because he can't explain how much you mean to him
Fall in love with how he plays with your fingers when he's lost in a conversation with you
Fall in love with the way his voice can calm your most vicious demons.
Fall in love with the way his lips melt into yours every time he kisses you
Fall in love with the way he brushes your hair out of your face so he can get a better look at you and tell you how beautiful you are.
Fall in love with how much he annoys you and pokes at you, but makes up for it by drowning you in kisses.
Fall in love with the way his laugh travels through your entire body, exciting every nerve.
Fall in love with the way his eyes light up and his lips curl into a crooked smile when you tell him that you love him
Fall in love with the way he falls asleep with his arm wrapped around you and pulls you closer when he wakes up for a quick moment
Fall in love with every piece of him

Day 1: No, you're not gone. You're just busy. You're still mine.
Day 2: Why did you leave. I can't breathe. How could you do that?
Day 3: I'm okay.
Day 4: *******. I hate you. I hope I never speak to you or see you again.
Day 5: I love you.
Day 6: Please come back.
Day 7:  You're the biggest *******. You never deserved me.
Day 8: I miss you.
Day 9:  God, you hurt me so badly. Why do I still want you?
Day 10: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
Day 11: You promised me forever.
Day 12: I don't need you.
Day 13: I feel empty.
Day 14: I'm fine.


                              B.S.

"Stop."
"Why?"
"Please just stop."
"Come on, you'll like it"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Just no."
"I'll make you feel so good."
"Please don't. "
"Tell me why."
"I'm not ready for that."
"I want you so bad."
"That's too bad."
"Come on baby."
"No.......please stop. Please."
"Why aren't you wet baby?"
"...."
"Go down."
"What?"
"Go down."
"No."
"Come on. Please?"
"No."
"Just for a second. Come on babe."
"I don't want to."
"Let me have you."
"No."
"****, please? Just go down for a second"
"I can't."
"Why?"
"I'm not ready. I don't want to."


This is where things got physical and God, let me tell you, I've never felt so violated. I hate myself. I ******* hate myself.



                               B.S

I know that one day I'm going to see you at the grocery store or the movie theater or somewhere out shopping with someone who has taken my place next to you. When I see her, all I'm gonna think is, "that used to be me." I used to hold those hands and kiss that stupid face of yours. I used to be the one who could make you smile just by looking at you.  I don't know where things went wrong, or if they ever really did. Maybe things just stopped. My world just (SweetPlacidity_).   stopped.  I wish it could still be me with you, but there's nothing I can do. I just hope she makes you feel weightless. I hope she makes you feel warm. I hope she makes you smile. I hope she does everything I couldn't. I hope she doesn't make you sad. I hope she holds your hand so tight that nothing can get between you. I hope she kisses you softly. I hope her heart aches when you're not around. I hope her lungs collapse when you leave. I hope her bones shatter when you scream. I hope when you see me, your world stops too.  





                              B.S.

So I have a theory. You know how they say that when you die in a dream, you die in real life? And you know how they say that when you die, your life replays itself? Well what if you think you're dying in a dream, but it's your life replaying itself because you're actually dead and how you died in the dream is how you died in real life and that's the last thing replaying before everything goes black?

                                B.S.

Your
Last
I
Love
You
Sounded
More
Like
An
I'm
Sorry



                               B.S.

Have I always loved you or was I in love with the idea of being in love with you? Loving you wasn't all that I made it out to be. I imagined loving you would feel like the crash of the waves of the ocean hitting my waist while hearing the laughs of kids who are just meeting the beach for the first time in their lives. I imagine loving you would feel like rainy days in the summer that last for three days straight and make the grass and plants look greener than ever. I imagined loving you would feel like the first warm day of spring after enduring the bitter winter for three months. I imagined loving you would feel like discovering the most beautiful place I  just recently had the privilege of exploring.  But what was loving you really like? Loving you felt like getting the air knocked out of my lungs after falling while ice skating when I was a kid. Loving you felt like my first skinned knee after falling off my bike while learning to ride it without training wheels. Loving you felt like the first time I got too drunk and the room started spinning and nothing could stop it. Loving you wasn't all I made it out to be. Maybe I didn't love you, maybe I did. All I know is, that's not what love is supposed to feel like on my side. Maybe you loved me, maybe you didn't. I know the words you spoke, but I don't know what went through your head. I just hope the next girl who loves you feels something different than what I felt.

It's curretly 2:18 a.m. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor drunk and crying so hard I can't breathe. There are so many things going through my mind. My current thought is what I did that was so wrong that you treated me like ****. I loved you with everything I had and more. I was the one who would stay up with you until ungodly hours trying to convince you that you are important. That you are loved. That you are special. I was the one who loved you through thick and thin. I was the only one who was there when you felt broken. I was the one who was constantly there for you. I was the one who would do anything for you. I was the one who would give up everything for you. I was the one who tried so hard to make you happy no matter how badly I was hurting. I was the one who loved you. That wasn't enough for you, though. You pushed me down and every time I tried to pick myself back up, you'd push me down harder than the previous time. You drained me. I was hurting and you didn't care. The only time you seemed to care was when I was planning on leaving because I couldn't take it anymore. You were selfish. All you thought about was yourself and what you were gaining from me. Even when you finally tried to let me go, you drew me back in with your stupid "I love you's" and ******* it, I can't believe I fell for that. The only thing I gained from you was self-hatred. You're the reason why I hate myself. You're the reason why I'm so insecure. You're the reason why I can't stand myself. You're the reason why I can't be alone for long periods of time because who knows what I'll do to myself. You claimed that you loved me, but you don't do that to someone you love.


                              B.S.

I hope you find someone who falls hard for you.
I hope you find someone who loves you at 1pm and loves you even more at 3am.
I hope you find someone who throws bits of food at you and laughs as loud as they want in fancy restaurants and doesn't care what other people think.
I hope you find someone who lights candles and makes you tea while watching your favorite movie.
I hope you find someone who wakes up in the middle of the night and covers you with a blanket so you're not cold.
I hope you find someone who wakes up in the morning smiling at you and kisses the top of your head while you're still sleeping.
I hope you find someone who is willing to pick you up from your house late at night  when you don't feel well because they want to take care of you.
I hope you find someone who picks you up and dances around the kitchen while they're making you dinner.
I hope you find someone who sings at the top of their lungs because they know it makes you smile no matter how obnoxious they sound.
I hope you find someone who holds your hand while driving.
I hope you find someone who reminds you of how important you are.
I hope you find someone who tries to makes you smile even if you're mad at them.
I hope you find someone who surprises you with your favorite candy on days you feel low.
I hope you find someone who randomly grabs you and kisses you like it's the first time all over again.
I hope you find someone who's not afraid to feel absolutely everything for you.
I hope you find someone who doesn't let you cry yourself to sleep while you're laying next to them.
I hope you find someone who gets drunk and goes on late night walks with you.
I hope you find someone who writes you letters just because.
I hope you find someone who will find you a rock or shell on the beach to keep as a memory from your adventure.
I hope you find someone who puts in as much effort as you do.
I hope you find someone who tries to love you more than you love them.
I hope you find someone who loves you with everything they have.  
I hope you find a love so strong it consumes you.

I remember when I was a kid I used to go into my parents room and pull off their covers so just the sheet was left. I would lift it up above my head and crawl underneath before it laid itself back down. I remember how comforting the smell of fabric softener was and to see the sun peeking through the white sheet. (Love is comfort, you are comfort) I remember loving everything and everyone without a doubt in my mind that they loved me too. (I loved you, and I know you loved me too; although you had a funny way of showing it) I remember rolling around in the grass and searching for lady bugs so I could hold them for just a second before they flew away. They interested me more than anything and I could stare at them for hours. (You caught my attention, but just like the lady bugs, you left too)  I remember  gathering flowers in a bucket so I could pluck all of the petals off and throw them around the yard so that there could be vibrant colors scattered everywhere. (Kind of reminds me of what you did to my heart) I remember the first time it snowed here I made a snowball and placed it in the freezer in hopes that it would last forever.  My mother got rid of it one day and I didn't even notice. (I tried to keep you forever too, but you slipped away without any warning) I remember finding injured birds and keeping them in a box until they were strong enough to fly away. I always loved keeping baby birds and seeing them fly off for the first time in their entire life. (I helped mend your broken heart and once you felt okay again, you moved on to bigger and better things) I remember getting into fights with my sister and one of us would end up hitting the other out of anger, but we'd be laughing ten minutes later about God knows what, forgetting why we were angry in the first place. (We constantly fought but neither of us could stay mad at the other. Maybe that was our problem.) This is what love is.



                                B.S.

I would love if people would send me the story about the first time they fell in love. It doesn't have to be about a person. Please please please leave me stories to wake up to.

~Bri

"Why are you jealous of the moon?"*

This could go one of two ways. I can either be super sappy and try to sound poetic by saying something along the lines of: "The moon is this beautiful force that draws me in. Whenever I look up at it, I'm breath taken and I forget about everything I don't want to think about for a moment. I want someone to feel that when they look at me and the moon has billions of people looking at it in that way. I just want to be adored."

But the reality of it is:

The moon is surrounded by the stars and that sounds a hell of a lot better than being down here surrounded by idiots.



                                 B.S.

Im tired.
I'm really ******** tired.
I'm tired of the lies.
I'm tired of feeling alone.
I'm tired of not being enough.
I'm tired of getting hurt.
I'm tired of being heart broken.
I'm tired of caring too much.
I'm tired of hiding my feelings.
I'm tired of running away.
I'm tired of being used.
I'm tired of being manipulated.
I'm tired of being pushed around.
I'm tired of feeling weighed down.
I'm tired of being me.

I'm
    so
        ****
              tired


                                 B.S.

He's everywhere. You can't escape the grasp he has around your entire being.

He's in the last boquet of flowers he gave you which have been sitting on your desk for months. They're about ten shades darker from the first time you set eyes on them. There are fewer petals and they're much more fragile than your mothers fine china.

He's in the last drop of ink of your favorite pen which hasn't been used since the time you wrote about how much he meant to you.

He's in that T-shirt that he left crumpled on the floor in the corner of your bedroom that's stained with your mascara from that time you cried so hard you couldn't breathe. He stayed to try to comfort you, but the night ended with your bare skin whispering, "please don't leave" as his said, "I can't stay for long."

He's in the echo that rings through your ears every time the door slams shut. But it's not the sound of the door that unthreads your heart little by little, it's his voice repeating "goodbye, I'll see you soon." over and over again.

His presence is everywhere, although he isn't physically there. It's not like he ever really was. You sit there and wonder how someone you thought was so beautiful, could have left you with someone so ugly. Heartache and hope. You hope that maybe he'll come back, but you know that he isn't. He was never planning on coming back. All that you have left is the ghost of him, or who you thought he was.



                               B.S.

It doesn't hurt. It's more of an emptiness in your chest and you don't remember why it's there. It's easy to forget why you feel like there's a part of you missing because things have slowly been fading away for awhile now.  You just drifted apart for no particular reason. The worst part is remembering how happy you were (SweetPlacidity_)               with them and realizing that things are no longer the same and they're not going to come back. Other times, it's as if they don't exist. It's unnerving how people can be so easily forgotten, how I can be forgotten. But you know,  it was a quiet ending and that's all I could have ever asked for. Thank you for leaving quietly.


                                B.S.

I hope she makes you feel weightless. I hope she makes you feel warm. I hope she makes you smile. I hope she does everything I couldnt
I hope she doesn't make you sad. I hope she holds your hand so tight that nothing can get between you. I hope she kisses you softly
I hope her heart aches when you're not around. I hope her lungs collapse when you leave. I hope her bones shatter when you scream
I hope you remember who loved you more than life and would do anything for you. I hope that's enough to twist your insides into a knot.


  
                                B.S.

People always talk about finding "the one," the one who completes them and makes them feel like a unified being. I hate to break it to you, babe, but you're not "the one" for me. You're much more than "the one". You're more like the "the seventeen" and maybe even one day you'll be more like "the sixty three". Now you're probably reading this and thinking "what the **** are you even saying?" Which is a valid question because I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time either, but you already knew that. What I mean by this is you're not just one big lump of you. There's so many different you's that's put into one body. There's a you that makes me laugh uncontrollably and a you that makes me want to tear my hair out. There's also a you that knows how to calm me down and a you that protects me when I can't protect myself. There's a you that walks me to my car even when it's just a minute away. One day, there might be a you that argues with me about what color we should paint the walls of our living room and who knows, there might even be a you who loves your kids more than anything, but a you who puts your foot down when you think they're getting out of line. So, no. You aren't "the one." You're the endless amounts of you and I want them all in every possible way.



                                    B.S.

The winter air was fresh and cool,
but became more harsh
as the night went on.
It traveled through my body
at an optimal speed leaving
no nerve untouched by
its frigid breath.
It stung my skin,
turning it a bright
rosy color.
That was nothing, though.
It started numbing my cheeks,
traveling to my hands
and every other part of my body
that was exposed to the dangers
of the winter.
The icy feeling sunk deep
into my bones and every crevice
it could find which caused
my body to tense up
and shake so uncontrollably
that I couldn't function properly.
The sad thing is,
this is what it felt like to love you.


                                 B.S.

You wrote our story on my skin with your fingertips, except our story wasnt gentle. It was full of cuts and bruises and that's why I have so many scars



                                B.S.

Distance doesn't always
have to be measured in
how far away a person
physically is. Someone
can be sitting right next
to you with their leg
pressed against yours,
and their hand on your thigh
but it can seem like they're
miles away.



                              B.S.

You asked me what my biggest fear is and I'm sure you were expecting something ordinary like heights or snakes or swimming at night which yes, I admit I am afraid of, but that's not my biggest fear. My biggest fear is you realizing how big of a mess I am. I get drunk too much and don't sleep enough. I spend more time running away rather than trying to keep the people I care about more than anything close. I need constant reassurance and I don't know how to make decisions. My biggest fear is that you're going to realize that you didn't really know me at all. You know the little things about me but you've never seen me at 2 am when I'm shaking so hard it hurts and I can't breathe for who knows what reason. My biggest fear is that you're going to watch the stars fade from my eyes and you're not going to see anything left in me.





                                     B.S.

Pretend you love me just for tonight

It was almost midnight  and we were all looking out the window wondering what trouble we could get into before we all went home for winter break. We realized that it is the night of a meteor shower, so we decided to go outside and have a look.

One shooting star.

So we waited a few more minutes until the next one came.

Then there were at least three more shooting across the sky.

It was magical to me considering I've lived in a city my whole life and there's no way to see the stars unless I drive out to the middle of the desert.

I started running in a different direction to get a better view and my friends yelled at me to come back, but I didn't listen. We walked all the way to the football field. Everything was locked, so we crawled under the gates and walked down to the middle of the field.

I could see the sky stretch in every direction for an eternity. There were so many stars that it looked as if someone spilled glitter and spread it across a black canvas.

A few minutes later...
We thought someone was coming, so we laid in the grass hoping to blend in with the darkness. There was no one. We left anyway, though and I had the bright idea of going to the top of the parking garage to get an even better view.

One shooting star

Two, three, four, five...

They just kept coming.

There was one star in particular that caught my attention, though. It seemed to have been dragging across the sky for at least 20 seconds. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but I've never seen that happen before.

I wonder if that meant something.

We laid there until our bodies started tingling and going numb and we couldn't stand the cold any longer. It was almost 2:30 a.m. and we finally decided to go back.

That night may not sound like much to you, but that's one of the best memories I have.

I finally felt free


                                 B.S.

You meant the world to me. You kept me sane when I thought I might go crazy. You were my escape. I was okay for a little while after you left, but ****. My heart feels as if it has sunk deep into my chest and went into hibernation. I feel so numb and I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not. There's not a lot I feel anymore, but God, when I think about how much I miss you, I can't help but tear up and feel like screaming. It's been three months and it still hurts the same. My heart stopped the day I lost you and it hasn't started beating since. Maybe that's a good thing, though.



                               B.S.