The scuff of sneakers, boots and flats form the solid and stable beat.
Add in the chuckles, silences and brief interruptions to create the varying and rhythm.
All that remains is what goes unsaid but is speeding around in your mind.

That man from Uzbekistan,
He was telling us how peace and non-violence starts with us,
With middle-schools, with teens, with future leaders
To all those who laugh, when I say violence is never the answer,
You're the ones I worry about

That man from Uzbekistan,
He was speaking to us about how the kids had a parliament in Uzbekistan
Those kids had  a say in what their fate would be

Believe it or not,
But adults are not the only things to make up our society...
Infants, toddlers, 5th graders, 8th graders, 11th graders, seniors, the diseases make up us, us..

So maybe parents shelter us too much, or not at all.
And kids throw fits in the grocery store
While teenagers attempt to jump off the nearest bridge
This is our society..
But we're like those kids in Uzbekistan
We have a say in what our fate will be

That man from Uzbekistan,
He was sharing out how blessed he was to be living here in the United States
Even though he could live in a much more peaceful and welcoming society.

I have no idea how many years i will be,
Or what has to happen before we get the message across..
That's what's played out isn't acceptable

The American people,
Were baffled, devastated, overwhelmed
That all those stereotypes really were mixed within us.
Obama stood up in that room
With a shaky camera man, staring while he slumped and grieved
He addressed our nation,
Homeland,
Country
Community
Family
About Newtown,
Clackamas Town Center

No leader should ever be forced to speak about children dying long before there time was up

Or about average people ducking and diving from bullets

Gun Control is only a little layer
And that's the start of our restoration to end up being a peaceful, safe country
It begins with how youth are shown how to solve problems.

I'm willing to reach my hand out to every single state in this country
And if that means devoting everything I've got to making our restoration successful,
Then so be it..

No leader or person should be raising candles to the sky for little kids to see that they are missed.
And I took all of this in at a Lebanese Luncheon

DJ turn it loud
DJ slow it down and go silent
DJ rev it up
DJ cool down a bit
I'm the DJ who drops the beats
The bass trembles in your tendons like a banjo string being played
And vibrates your collar bone like a cell phone in a theater
I'm the DJ who shoots arrows into hearts
The guitar solo swirls your vision like a sheet of fog
And pulses through your entire body like a defibrillator
I'm the DJ who ramps up the emotion
Sorrow courses through the crevices of your brain bringing you back to the world outside
Giddiness is wired through your toes and fingers and guides you away from worries
Anger pounds in your heart when that special pattern of drum beats and guitar chords remind you of your ex.
DJ turn it loud
DJ slow it down and go silent
DJ rev it up
DJ cool down a bit
I'm the DJ who drops the beats...

****** boy, ****** boy
You're playing with the wrong toy
That truck is only for the boys

Lost girl, Lost girl
Put on a pink dress, spin around and twirl
That's what you're supposed to do

****** boy and Lost girl
They're one person, their life is unfurled
A hell washed over hir and now hir head's underwater

H. I. R.
Not a her or he clearly

And I want to just scream, no
But ****** boy put down that toy
Lost girl, go put on that dress and twirl
My mind says trucks and mud
But the bigger people say to twirl

And so I twirl
Around this world, placing my feet on the continents
Singing to the oceans as I glide on top of them
And so I twirl..

But maybe I want to watch while my daddy's fixing our car
And maybe I don't twirl the way all the girls do
Maybe I have a rougher, less eloquent twirl

But Maybe I want to listen as my brother's talking football plays
And maybe I don't have the brightest, girliest smile
Maybe I've got one only fit for a boy

Maybe I want to play with trucks until the sun hides
Maybe I want to be the quarterback on the field
Maybe... I want to make cities in the sand box

Maybe it's because... I am a boy.

Were we really that tight anyways?
So we texted every day of the summer
So we laughed together in math class
So we were both supposedly bi

Were we really that close in reality?
So we knew everything about each other
So we always thought about one another
So we "actually" missed going to school

But were we really Best friends?
And we held each other when we cried
And we smiled every time we passed in the halls
And we protected one another in times of need

But that was just for one year
And then it suddenly went out the window
No more texts
No more laughs through class
No more bisexuality to connect us
No more knowing everything
No more thoughts of the other
No more missing school
No more hugs as we cried
No more smiles
No more protection

It's gone, and the chain that's been twisted and bent last year
Finally snapped and so did our bond
It's utter ******* about what you're claiming I did to Chloe
But I'm stronger then that
Because that year when we were close, was a major mistake

Small and fragile
Blooming into the bright light
I want this to be small and fragile
That stays somehow, in the shadows
I don't know how to phrase it
I want it to be untouched and small
Growing into something beautiful
I want it to be infinite
Special,
Just
Like
You…

I'm at a road block,
While the clock went tick-tock
This one here is a fighter
He sets fire, easy like a lighter
Grabbed hold of that metal tight,
Not letting go without a fight.
Heavy and heavin'
He lets go to start leavin'
His mind tortures him "Nothing but talk"
Now he's in a head lock
Knees bent, shoulder back
He's a fighter that's back in his groove and sharp as a tack
Bulldozer
He won't go into foreclosure
He never breaks his composure
He'll break through this barrier
Provin to them he ain't no longer a little terrier
But a bull... dozer
And this one here is nothing  but a **fighter

The numbing light dims to black,
Car lights replace the dark and you tremble.
Like rose petals in the wind,
You waver and eventually collapse to the pavement.
The pavement is your destiny and future though.

Crates too massive to lift surround you like a canyon,
Vanishing those blazing car lights from your eyes
You take in everything like a breath of icy air,
Brief and crucial.

The hollow note echoes to stillness,
Infectious beats take their place and you sway.
Like a cottontail in the summer breeze,
You lean from side to side, finally standing tall.
And the standing transforms into your grip on life

Ships swerve towards you like starving crocodile,
Blocking out that deep bass.
You tread carefully like a waterlily a top a pond,
Almost  imaginary but real at the same time.

Your bones rattle around inside your thinning skin,
The light shocks and shakes you
And the car lights reappear, taking center stage
Like the moon in the sky..
You shiver and spin around,
All that you see is your future.

Just ******* one last kiss
I'll hold it close
As the road bends, my hands hug myself..

Just say you love me one last time
I'll hear it over and over in my head
As your face disappears behind a tree..

Just give me one last hug
I'll feel it every day
As your legs stop running after me..

Just hold me close one  last time
And tell me that you need me
And that I'm the one..
Just ******* one last kiss...

That big, pink eraser you see?
I wish it were a hundred times grander
So I could erase all the days
All the wasted months of my life.
I'd be capable of erasing every individual day since I was born.
No,
I take that back...
I'd drop the eraser when I hit November 25th of this year.
That was the day you told me yes
Hidden under ***** and heaps of paper
Lay that rounded eraser,
Smeared with numbers and photos.
Something I thought would never happen did
And an enormous switch on the creases in my brain flipped on
My heart went through the clouds for the first time ever
It'll never go back down to that eraser...

I'm the unwanted one
The second kid
The youngest
The annoying one who won't go away

I swear, they want to get rid of me
I'm all problems
I feel so alone
I've been used

They mock me constantly
They destroy me with ease
They wonder why I've been depressed
They ignore me, push me away

My parents did everything they wanted to with my brother
And now, they just don't think I'm here
They wished I wasn't in the family

I just don't know where to go
Stick up to them, nothing happens
Hide away, and I die inside...

It was exactly 2:00 AM...
You had lost your cool
Only this time, was the last time
The little water left had finally boiled over
And now there's nothing left inside
***, ****, Crack, ******... Acid... Over Dosing...
Getting high, mentally exploding couldn't even do it anymore
And through your eyes, I guess I looked like:

Like a monster in your space show
Crushing the man in the moon, your best friend
Droughts would come into your life
Nobody helping, people running out of your heart
You caught easy like a lighter
Followed by a monsoon of angry tears and heavy depression
You sank to the bottom like a boulder
Nothing could stop these seasons
As I look back, you were incurable, made to self-destruct

I turned out to be the destroyer
Smashing ambitions and to be honest babe,
Your future darkened because of YOU, not me.
Yeah, I'm sorry I had to say goodbye, we all are...
It didn't help that I couldn't love you how you wanted me to.
A part of me went with you once you left Earth
And for some reason, I don't want it back.
Babe, Suicide Street has a cross on the side of the road in front of the old Oak.
Scratched into the little white wooden cross, is your name: Vail Hawkenson
Suicide Street just grew a little darker.
Now there's thunder booming, lightning cracks.
You're home now.

Only rainbows after rain
The mud begins to dry,
Now dust starts to swirl.
Twenty five minutes 'til lights out.
Pain ebbs, flows, floods.
To those who said it'll sting like a ***** right now,
You were right.
But only rainbows after rain right?
The sun begins to shine,
Clouds part.
Twenty three minutes 'til lights out.
Memories float, dive, bubble.
To those who said she wasn't perfect,
You were wrong.
And that's when there's rainbows after rain
And only then...

The frames
Tunneling us enough to cloak the rays of diversity, of possibilities
The normality shaded a charcoal black, sprayed over us
Stinging the eyes of those who could see the spectrum
Blinding the ones who walked down the colored roads from the coliseum to the Twin Towers
People hung up on the walls, stapled to the confinements of society's critics
As if a snowflake would make them unloved, unseen, unwanted, unworthy of living and chasing happiness

Nobody can be there to comfort you
No one can be there to let the rain ease
Nobody can make you smile
But yourself
And the book's stacked on the sore shelves have taught us the opposite

Through the words strung around your front door
And the shades covering your walls
You can bust that choking frame apart that you might be trapped in
And create one that doesn't shift to make the papers tell society you're normal
That nothing's wrong with you, that you are not a sinner, and that you are not hell bound

Spiraling, collapsing, destroying, breaking, slashing
The ideas of ties over flat chests and the long hair to the ones with the *******

Finding your spectrum may **** off the clouds
And you may be blinded
But the colors come out from beneath your feet

And

Diversity thrives in the wonderland
That not everyone comes to witness

Follow me down into the rabbit's hole
To discover your frame, your life, your portrait
Your spectrum is not society's

Stinging eyes to the ones who see the spectrum
And the scars to the ones who have already painted their own
They have more to tell

I broke down
My eyes burned with un shed but necessary tears
He just sat there and looked at me
While I choked and stared out the window

He asked me if I was okay
And I said I'll make it through
He told me he didn't believe me
And when I tried to tell him I was fine..
My voice broke and I started to shake..

All  wanted to do was go to the bank of the river,
Maybe curl up under my bed sheets
And cry about it all

So I'm weak and fragile at the sound of a few words
We are all weak and fragile no matter how many times we say we're strong and a fighter
Because we're only as strong as our weakest attribute

But I stayed there in that chair,
Looking him in the eyes
Trying to swallow already breathed air
Choking on the words he was saying to me

I couldn't break down
Not with people walking by the glass window..
But I'm going to be leaving everything behind me
Everything I've ever loved and known
Not one thing will be what I was used to

And I can withstand the strongest winds
And I can endure the hottest flames
But losing my home
Having the world plop right on top of you

Knocks the wind out and suddenly,
I no longer have anything to withstand
Kind of like an old record in the record book
Claimed and prized for a little bit
And then thrown into the back of the pile

The clock was still ticking
And his mouth was still moving
But I was stuck in a little glass bottle
Set to sail the ocean alone and aimlessly
But I bobbed and dived from each oncoming wave
Only to wash ashore on an island called expectations

And I shouldn't be here..
On this island..
But I am.. And nothing will get me to go out into the vast and somehow empty ocean of my path
Everything is on me now
As I sat, paralyzed and lifeless
In that chair, looking at his eyes
In his office,
The Principal's Office

I'm stressing
Present slipping downhill
Future not good enough
Past drags me down

No motivation to start working upwards
No idea where the tunnel leads to
No strength to let go of the old days

I'm stressing

ME: She destroyed me and everything that I held onto. She drove me to suicide so many times and she didn't care. She just kept making my world darker and darker and she didn't stop. I tried suicide last night. I'm alone and I can't keep trying to live. I'm honestly done.
NATALIE: What did she do to you!
ME: She took/turned all my friends, even family against me. She bullied and harassed me. She just destroyed me by doing whatever the Hell she wants to with people's emotions.
NATALIE: Don't **** yourself! I'm sorry, was I part of it?
ME: When you were crushing on Kennedy, on her, I knew you would push me away and you kind of did... You're the only reason why I'm still here today. but I know that if I asked you out, you would say no...
NATALIE: Ali I care and love you..... if you hurt yourself that would hurt me too. If I made you sad I'm sorry, really, really sorry.
ME: I self-harm. Have since I was seven... I'm sorry. now you'll hate me because of it.
NATALIE: I DON'T HATE YOU! NEVER WILL! I don't care about your mistakes
ME: But you and I won't ever end up together. Would we?
NATALIE: Why wouldn't we? When do you move ..
ME: I have no idea when I'm gonna move. I'll be here for 9th grade. You're way too good for me anyways. That's why I thought you and I wouldn't end up being a couple. Am I wrong?
NATALIE: yes
ME: So what are you saying???
NATALIE: I'm not sure. Don't take that the wrong way ..
ME: I already can tell that you are way too beautiful, smart, cute and amazing for me. If I told you I loved you more then anything else in the world, you would be weirded out.
NATALIE: No I wouldn't.
ME: Dude, trust me, I'm never going to be with you, you're just being nice to me.
NATALIE: Shut the **** up. JK. But really...

Christmas Wish Lists
Littering the beautiful cloudless sky
Where Santa and his reindeer will soon fill the gaps between the stars
And every candle will remember the generations gone

I'm scared to make my list this year
For I want things that I shouldn't.
And I'm scared to open the door.
So Santa, if you read this.
You won't need to land on my roof.
Because life is the best gift.

Hi Mom,
I've been trying to tell you and I already have, but you took it as a joke and when you ask questions , you've always had this tone of disapproval if I said yes. But mom, I'm a guy. Not a tomboy girl but like an actual guy that's just stuck in the wrong skin.
I don't want to be known as a girl. I never have because it's not who I am. I'm not your daughter, or Ali or anything that has to do with being a female. I'm pretty sure you could sense I wasn't ever a girl anyways. I've always wanted to be and act liek Sean and Dad. Not how you or Grandma would act. I want to be your other son, Jamie. That's who I am. That's who your youngest kid is Mom.
I feel super awkward whenever we go shopping for clothes because I don't belong in the girls section. I want to wear mens clothes mom, mens shoes and keep my super short hair. Because I'm me whenever I get the chance to wear mens clothes and be looked at as being a boy. And in public, when people mistake me for a guy, I actually really like it because that's who I actually am.
Mom, I'll be a high schooler next year and I want to be known as Jamie. A guy. School would be a lot easier and better for me if I was known as and reffered to as a guy. Plus, I wouldn't get second guessed all the time if I were a guy. And I know you'll probably say, "No. I'm not going to call you Jamie or male pronouns and you're not going to dress like a guy." but mom, this is who I am. And I'm going to be me, no matter what.
I love you a lot mom, and I would've told you sooner or later but now I can live as me and not have to worry about being a girl. I'm still your second kid too, I just go by a different name and gender now. And to be fair, you've never really had a daughter in the first place, just a son trapped in the wrong skin and clothes. I love you and am glad I can live my life as me.

Love,  Jamie

I** don't understand
Lost in what you're saying to me
Overcome by the whole idea of us walking hand in hand
Vow to forever be faithful to you
Enthralled by your smirk or grin

Your that girl who knows me only skin deep
Opening up to you like a blooming rose
Unloved or noticed by the Cinderella of my kingdom

Not giving up
At night, I reach my hand out towards you even though you aren't there
Tough to think that it's never going to happen
All I have eyes for is you
Lying alone in a cold, empty room
I wonder if I'm insane most hours of the day
Each day that passes before me, alerts me of the real world
         Because I don't have you
         To be my little firefly
         Or my crucial hand rail
         Instead, I've been abandoned to early
         To stumble in the dark
          And walk like a blind man

Let it roll in
The tide will be rising
Watching the waves
Caught in a trance

Higher and higher
We climb
The moon is within our grasps
Our dreams will finally be safe

We take shelter
Hiding ourselves from the lamp in the solar system
Wishing to shine as bright as that sun
Knowing what could've been

Hang onto me as you slide
Sinking deeper into the mud
Fence posts buckling from the unstable ground
Wishing to be a post, changing but standing still tall

Hug me while we watch our dreams slip out of sight up on the hillside
Walk with me as the sun steals our shelter
Dive down with me as the tide rises and the waves take us down
Kiss me when we go down in the mud
Because I'd never try and escape from the mud if you were by my side.
We'll be laying in a forest of kelp.
Through the branches of seaweed, I found you.
We climb higher and higher.
Dive deeper, deeper.
Watch longer and longer.
Hide more and more.
Slide quicker, quicker.
As Mother Natures rolls around us.
Nothing but good memories to treasure for tomorrow.

I look to the clock staring at me from the opposite wall
50 minutes left until 2013..
Time to start thinking of a resolution to try and conquer
Maybe hold onto a girl for more then a month
Or gain some pounds and build more muscle
I am nothing but a limp blob on my bed at this time of night
45 minutes until 2013...
Time to turn up the music and push through my drowsiness
Maybe.. Maybe I can stay strong this year and not have any medical issues
Or maybe pass Algebra I this year
I'll be going into high school in a matter of months
Uh-oh.. That woke me up into panic
Only 6 months until we get kicked out of our house...
Maybe my reslution will be to earn some money to help my parents keep us in a house
Or maybe I'll make my resolution be to help my dad find a better job so we don't have to get through by the skins of our teeth
Or maybe I'll climb Mt. Everest..
And that's my messed up resolution for 2013...
Come at me bro! I'm ready to put up a fight before I go down!
Look to the clock on my wrist
Only 30 minutes until 2013...

Watch out as we struggle to maintain
the withering roots with a dose of intolerance
Blasted through the decade aged monitor that
We can't afford to replace because these
suits and briefcases are tattered together to call substantial and the white building you cruise to each day ain't that blinding anymore
For all the 'accidental' 'unknown' and 'uncaptured' hangings you dated
And the collar around your necks
Got no creases in them
Like those on the hand of his sister
as she sits by the coffin

I am Sora,
Crumpled at the bottom of your mind, the bottom of your waste basket, the bottom of your shoes, quietly burning from the pain that
greets me with a
hard embrace
chilly breath and
numbing strength.
Coursing through the reflection
left empty like behind some doors,
I have walked out from.
I am awake
through the nights
through the days
through the hours
through the lives
I am awake.
Like a window sees everything within its sights
I can not un-see the rain marks of hurt and of blindness staining my hands.
Pocketed in the morning
I held no weight, I held everything, destined for experience, destined for hoarding
of emotions
of relationships
of others' experiences I keep
But I walk alone with a partner
holding my hand like a parent with a kid when it's
“Vaccine Time”
And I'm hearing
roaring of the comments
hissing of my weakened soul and
echoing identities I used to claim as my very own
So the waves that I am
come barreling, come surging, come crashing, come Hell or High Water
to look up is to see and to see is to create and to create is to revolutionize and to revolutionize is to
Save yourself before the stars burn up.
And she
she is my Northern Star where I am Harriet Tubman
I have been there. I am there. I will be there. I will be out there. I will be. I will waver. I will stay.
Unapologetically me.

Trenches have been dug
I dug them and now I'm called nothing but a wretched ****
River banks have started to erode
Seeing my home town again, a mess, made me implode
*** holes have been filled
The tar were my emotions that were killed
I've been used,
Too many rentals before I crack.
Scratches spread,
Like butter on bread
Couples split
Their hearts turning to a dark, deep pit
Trenches have been dug
But to no prevail we loose life, loose light.
Tornadoes of another kind have come

Disruptions
Distractions
Diss school.

Hate
Horror
Hopeful peers.

Memories
Magic
Marching away.

Light
Laughter
Longing summer.

We've finished the worst chapter of our lives.
We made it.

Look her in the eyes
With my own war veiled eyes
Look her in the eyes
Try not to shy away.

Please
Girl
Come back to me
Don't leave me
Don't let this
monster, this darkness
this
boy fitting into the cracking skin of a girl
take me over

Look her in the eyes
Try not to look away
Look and see
All the hidden rejection, the hurt, the longing, the numbness
That you made her feel

Look her in the eyes
Try not to say sorry
Because somehow
You were meant to destroy your adoptive mother
And be abandoned by your biological one

Look her in the eyes
Try not to
*Shy away

Canopy floats around us,
Shading us from the brilliant sun.
You transform into the sun now,
Glowing and beautiful.
The gloss of your lips is all I see,
All I ever see, even if it's raining.
I'll always be your right hand man,
To trek the depths of our lives.
I stand at attention while you walk on by me,
Noticing me as just another one of your followers.
And the canopy floats around us.

The orbs are comfortable
To lay within the glow
Rounding up and over the moon lit by
Nightly prayers from the children and the whispering ambitions of the aged

Will we ever fit in
Well, fit out of the confinements we dredge to make it all okay when the family cries
Each of us have all been strapped with Velcro from our Day 1 to fit standards
But does it mean anything..
For if we fall short, it hurts more than falling long
Why must we hurt and bleed and scrape against the bottom when we're trying our hardest

Age holds no value
When the interlacing branches of the forest
All look the same
Because we cannot dare differentiate ourselves
What it is to live "normal" and society's "regular"

Maybe we hide ourselves
under scars and lyrics, between role lists and bus seats
Maybe our orbs are colored neon, or maybe a lingering Oregon grey

So maybe, clicks and groups and minorities
And maybe even the "freaks"
Are all synonyms for "normal" and "regular"

So please, these orbs have become comfortable
Don't hang your head and hide one minute more.

They're trying to put me at bay
All because I act "gay"
Now look to the ground, yeah that's where I lay
You turned out my light
That's okay, what's the point in tryin' to fight?
Someone can take my place,
After all, I'm a wast of space
Slam me into lockers
You say you're training to be boxers
You don't bother to know my name
Automatically I must be lame
I can't just quit acting this way
The receipt grows longer, showing all the things I have had to pay
Every single day I'm alive,
You're all a bunch of bees, protecting your hive
Trying to get rid of the weak
I'm stronger than you guys, I'm at my best, at my peak
Yet you guys put me at bay
Just because I act "Gay"
So the next time you look at the ground,
Just remember that's where I lay
Not in peace...
When you're older you'll come back here and show your niece

Shuffling feet on the floor below you
They've left the world you're in
And crossed to the world under yours

Where life and light
Are colored more brilliantly
No washed out blotches
Or faded shreds of a person's soul

You're limitless in the under world
Because you leave you're body
Only to become someone you never thought possible
I envision us laying up on a mountain top
Because I feel like I'm on the Summit of Everest
Cause' I cant breathe
Because my lungs are filled with Success
And it's all thanks to you and your love

I never thought the underworld would make me feel so alive
You're invincible in the under world

You can still be
What you want to
When you first met me

Ever get that feeling of being cheated
Of being forgotten and excluded
Just because of your past?
I'm sure the blacks in this country
Fell the way I feel

Slip out from beneath the covers
Land on the floor,
Be stepped on
Time and time again,
People are creatures of habit
They slip a lie here
Put in a lie there
Hard to tell the difference
Now a days,
I just stick to myself,
Knowing what could've been

I'm just lagging behind
in happiness and love
bout ready to hoist my white flag
let depression and gloom win this time
and be forever victorious
let me sink into the soil
or sprinkle me into the nearest water source

just let me sip away into the forgotten category
please
i beg of you

I'm struggling
Chains wrapped around my neck, turning the lights down, even though it's my encore, my last shot to be here.
My family is chipped and cracking and fading colors of love and closeness are being wiped away with every independent meal we eat by ourselves.
My chains, I think they broke and one landed on the shoulders of my mother.
The one who can carry all of us out of a burning house..

A chain that's an anchor, that you can't just throw off or ignore the weight of.
No good morning or sleep well?
No more asking for help when she can't lift something too heavy
No more family dinners and talks
No more security

I'm growing up
Independent
Flying solo
Maybe
Maybe I'm just not ready yet, to be fighting the world myself and have the chains choking me.
Maybe my mother's voice is fading out because those chains of mine finally fell onto her shoulders. And it's all my doing, my weakness and my fault.
Maybe I'm the earthquake that's fraying and shredding our family ties.
Maybe they were right, maybe I need to go...

Labels. Square. Cut. Legible enough to judge.
To rank and trivialize, hollow out a once million dollar view.
Leave only the shattered confidence and trampled mind to litter the scene
The roof of a skyscraper seems inviting with a
neon sign reading "Thank society for this."
You find yourself weeping, attaching, flooding your gates
To this sign, next to where you're going to surrender
Because no letter, no word, no other human
could grab your slit wrist  and lead you away. To say
"**** the square, cut, legible enough to stand scenery. Stop painting with your running blood"

Go with a plastic bag.
No- not over your head. Pick a size off the shelf
Now pour that million dollar view you make up in the bag.
Drip a few branches and some lamp posts,
or paint the sky arching to the shore with a flock of birds swirling around
Make it bulge
Warmth radiating through
Now toss it. Throw it. Hurl it. Hand it.
It holds, it shifts from a silent setting in one eye to a hurricane coming

Though the contents are still exactly the same
You cannot escape interpretations
For fear of the unknown and the trap door to never open up beneath you
But you can be a plastic bag instead of a box.

Barreling through the unknown
And strolling through all that's familiar
But I seem to stuck between the two

I know you, you're familiar
But yet it is unknown your reaction to my daunting question
I'm running to be saved
Because no one was running to save me

Charging through sorrow and disappointment,
And hurtling over people who refuse to let me break free
I seem to be finished charging

I like you, I'm crazy about you
But somehow I sense I'm on a one way street
Please, prove me wrong,
Prove to me that I haven't wasted 3 years on someone who is too bright for me

Laying on a hill, gazing at the constellations
And rolling to bump into you, someone special and one of a kind
I seem to hold onto you tight
And you latch on to me as well

I'm grinning and blushing,
Only no one can see me,
If only you could see me..
Outside the class room
Free from all the unwanted eyes staring at me
I wish I could feel your warmth
And maybe hear your gentle breathing
That I could reach over and rest my head on your rounded shoulder

Anything's possible if you really want it to be

The timer rings and the birds shoot from the barren treetops.
Abandoning of the little hope that was kindled inside of me.
Sync our heart beats and wipe away the fog of us.
Flick off the nights I would stay perched on my bed.
Enclosed in your arms for the first time
but feeling emptier than when I was solitary.
Keep talking... Make me laugh..
Make my hate and longing for you wash away.
Try to patch up my mind and soul and scratched body.

I prefer winter skies.
I prefer ties over skirts.
I prefer brown eyes to blue.
I prefer country over pop.
I prefer pears over the freshest picked apples.
I prefer my tears over my smile.
I prefer tall to short.
I prefer silence.
I prefer swim trunks to bikini's.
I prefer dim lanterns to light my way
instead of blinding factory flashlights.
I prefer rugby.
I prefer Sprite over Coke.
I prefer grey.
I prefer pins to brooches.
I prefer journals with ink spots splattered on every page
than a pristine piece of copy paper.
I prefer brownies.
I prefer salads over fries.
I prefer stairs instead of escalators.
I prefer longer hair over short on girls.
I prefer harsh gusts of wind that bites my skin
than muggy city "air".
I prefer Airwalk over Converse.
I prefer keeping in mind even the possibility that this world we're on
is going to just fade away
into nothing

Smooth iceman
Sitting in the cinema
His hair rustled by the claps
And his identity is just in his clasps

Shadows flow
Echoing cries of the wolf
And then it's black, serpents
Strangulation and presents

Brought up to restrain
Beasts roam from the trainers

As the iceman
Sitting in the cinema
Regains power and steers
Turning back time, to simply reset

Before the wedding cake tiers
Slide and droop, they fall from tire
Falling to the end
The serpents came out of the den

As he was slipping, the iceman, the painter
Began on himself, to repaint

And the power of the anagram, endless

Medals crashing, holding, fasting
Lonely in the halls
I'm enveloped by this harmonious nightmare
and isn't that what life is coded out to be.
These medals, they come crashing, holding and fasting
Starving out ot be of honor
And I'm okay with that idea-
Fetching, tearing, withering away

To give to something better
Even if you won't remain any longer
Because when we're dead
nothing holds us above each other then
And I'm okay with that-
So live life like a celebrity
'cause in the end, you might as well have been one
And I'm okay with that.

It's a quarter to One in the morning
I'm sitting in bed going through old photographs
Remembering those days and naps
Luna's curled up on the edge of my bed, asleep.
I'm thinking about the poem I wrote you
About never feeling like this before.. About anybody
I can't sleep when I remember Math Class
And all the laughs we had together
My mom told me, " When you find that special person who you're close to,you'll share old photos and notes from when you were little. It'll be special"
I want to show you some old photos
We can smile and laugh or just sit there
I just want you to know how much you mean to me and how special you are
I'll watch the clock count the time for hours
Hearing your voice is all I need to be happy
Seeing your smile is all I need to get through the day
Remembering the times on the hill is all I need to pass a test
Smelling your hair to make me feel safe
You're all I need to be happy
And so I'll fall asleep thinking about all that we've done together
You're the bright side of everyday
You're my life saver

Drop the ball
See the reflection swirling
Like snowflakes on the first of December
Showing you how to see simplicity

Front row seat
Up close to the ones who hurt you the most
Now you take the key
And you hold it
Brave enough to start driving
While the moon drops
And you watch the reflection of hardships in the rear view mirror

I'm trapped in this room
Only free when I'm at school
Feel like I'm unwanted and useless
Can't wait to get onto the bus
I evade all the yelling and scolding
Get called dumb and little
When I'm in the classroom though, I become a genius
They try to accept me
How I'm not like their first kid
Feel like I was energy and precious oxygen
Only able to move in one building from 9:15 to 3:50
I'm locked in a box
The key tossed into the nearby river, settling in the soot at the bottom

Each person to their own respected places
Admiral, Corporal, Private, Soldier, Wannabe
Each person battling their own individual war
Like him, tucked in bed, laying awake is his war.
While hers is equal to his.
Hers is words, they bounce off her. Making that her war.
A drop of milk sitting on the counter is his struggle.
And a ******* becomes her struggle.
Life...
It's composed of all these little wars.
Being taken down individually by the recognition of thousands
Trying to gain independence from chains.
Chip and crack a link every second of every day.
Numbers will always be their own war,
And racquets and ***** will be her war.
Focusing forms his never ending fight
And the same goes for speaking with her.
Each person to their own respected places
Admiral, Corporal, Private, Soldier, Wannabe
Breathing heavy just by walking turns to be his battle
To her, sticks and stones will be an uphill struggle.
But to each their own destination.
Coming To Be Victorious they shall all be.

During that bus ride to Zoo Lights
Something odd was going to happen
Not a voice crack
But a tragedy
That bus ride to Zoo Lights
Something significant would take place
Not tonight
But the day following
That bus ride to Zoo Lights
Something unexpected would unravel
Not life changing to us
But life changing to a hundred people across the country
That bus ride to Zoo Lights
Something incredible happened
Not to me...
But to a group of strangers

Dancing around a whirlpool,
Yet laying on soft, sunny grass,
Clouds streaking by above me but,
All my eyes see is Talia's  hand slipping,
Over and over again the image plays.
I shut my eyes and rolled onto my side, and I can see the present day once more.
Stepping over blades,
Afraid of being cut again.
Dancing around a whirlpool,
Eventually I'll get caught.

If you're bogged down right now listen to this song and read the lyrics:

Well I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge

I'm telling you that
Its never that bad
Take it from someone whose been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And your not sure
You can take this anymore

So just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about
The easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

So just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Well everybody'***** the bottom
And everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on

Just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

I know I say I hate you
And that you're just some fat old *****
Or that I want to **** you most nights
And that I wish you were never born

But I would be dead right now
Always had someone who would keep me warm when I was in a cold world
Never missing a chance to say goodbye on my way out the door
Giving me this look of love and respect.

I love you more than a person could love their pet
You were my life support through 7 of the worst years in my life
And I love your sweet purr as you fall asleep in my arms
That grin on your little face makes all the sleepless nights worth it

You won't be around forever
I wish I could live the rest of my life with you tapping my leg for more Friskies
Nothing can bring me up from my lows like you can
Just a plop in my lap
That's my reason to keep fighting for life
Because of you.

I love you buddy, I won't let anything happen to you.
I love you more then I could ever show.
On the darkest nights, you somehow tell me to just pull the sheets up and sleep
On the hottest days, you still lay on my legs
I love you cat. I love you Luna.
Even though it may not seem like it.
You mean the world to me. I love you.

Bury me deep
*****, dark, dead
Let me go through the nights swift hand
Gently and softly
Abruptly, surprisingly
Unpreventable close
Bed of papers
Littered in the streets
Where the angels came to claim me
And He needed another heart and hand
But he does not set me free, he chains me
He does not bring good, he buried me  in the deep.
Now I am soiled
In the dirt of a martyr
In the dark of a beggars hands
In the dead of winters soundtrack

But he did no such thing as disrespect me