What if it makes you laugh now but you cry as you fall asleep?
We are like Young Volcanoes
We are the jack-o-lanterns in July, setting fire to the sky
What if it makes you lose Faith in me?
If my heart is a grenade you pull the pin
A constellation of tears on your lashes
What if I what I want makes you sad at me?
Anything you say can and will be held against you
Thanks for the memories

Rusted and speckled..
Gone through the Great Depression.
I carried you with me everywhere
But when I needed you the most,
You weren't there.

My lucky horseshoe was left behind
On the days I rallied behind you and your luck,
Well I needed you for the final time.

It was Friday,
One last class to go.
I chucked you out the window,
not realizing that things needed fixing.
You were the only one who could do the fixing.

Standing on my own.

Beat me, bruise me, leave me your pain.
Take from me then, the need to use a cane.
Stay close to me, keep me free
I want to walk tall and with pride
Stumbled and fell, is that enough to say I tried.
Let me wander, but please call me home
Beat me, bruise me, leave me your pain.
Let me walk away and I might just leave on the train
Release me although you may be weakened and torn
Please don't be rattled when you find-
a half empty dresser and unfinished bed in the morn

It begins and you can never press rewind
My heart was covered and caged
My fire transformed to mere embers

And can we chant and sing stories
If we don't what it is to breathe
Or can we carry on through the monotone echoes
As we desperately sift through yesterday
Trying to get caught up

It levels with such eloquent and supple scenery
One cannot taste the sweetened breeze
Promised by tomorrows dreams

Are we capable of expressions
Though we have no emotion, for we are abandoned.
All but empty goodbyes and numb sights.

With no more space to contain our absence
We bleed and we break, to soil and stain
Doing so without knowing
What it is to breathe

Burning dove, how is it you shine that bright?
Crashing and wandering to find only my oasis
For these passing days and glowing flames fail to touch me.

Wiping away the tears,
Seeing the scars from the blades.
Wishing for a new beginning,
Starting my life over again and getting a second chance.
Because of you telling me things will get better.

Living not for myself, but for others,
Trying to put myself back together.
Longing for someone to understand why I'm so destroyed,
Tipping over in the tiny breeze, going to be stronger in the end.
Because of you pushing me.

Getting back up on my feet,
Holding on tight.
Giving everything I've got into surviving through the night,
Hopes and prayers that are going to come true, someday.
Because of you and your Faith in me.

Blades are for the weak,
Riding in the surf of desperation for nine years.
Braving the demons that held me back,
Restoring my fire to keep on going now though.
Because of you being there for me.

Coming out the other side,
Inspired by you to turn my life around.
Crawling, eventually going to stand tall,
I am going to stick things out.
Because of you.

This is me
You call me by the name of Ali
But if you really knew me
You would call me Jamie

This is me
You see me in a skirt and make-up on stage
But if you knew me
You would see how badly I want to be in a suit and dress shoes

This is me
You know something about me doesn't click
But if you honestly, truly, really knew me
You would know what's wrong

This is  me
A girl with tomboy actions
But if you took a second look
I'm a guy who got trapped in the wrong body

This is me
This is Jamie
This is me
This is a suit and dress shoes
This is me
This is currently a mistake
This is me
A guy who got trapped in the wrong body

You took me up so high. Higher then the Empire State Building. You took me up higher then my drugs could. You're the reason why I gave up my drug addiction and fought to be free. I've been clean ever since that night you helped me come down off my dirtied high. Thank you.

You dragged my sorry *** up off rock bottom and I've still got some cuts and bruises from then, but it's gonna be the reason I'm still alive in 2080. Same goes for you babe. Thank you.
You yanked me off the edge of the bridge near my house on a dark, rain-soaked night when I thought there was no one who loved me and wanted me. From that night on, I silently promised you each time I walked on the bridge, I would make it to the other side. I'm still here today... Thank you.
You held me the day after the "Suicide Night" happened and I was scared of the shadows.. of everything. You told me that I'd be okay... that you'd be right there with me and you wouldn't let them take me. You never once gave up on me. I'm alive because you held me for all the days until summer came. That's the best decision you'll ever make. I owe you. I love you. Thank you.
You're why I cried myself to sleep most nights since 1st Grade. I wanted to be perfect for you.Be your tiny little Romeo even though the world knew me as a little girl. You've always been that Juliet every boy dreams about. I felt like I was bringing you down. But I guess I wasn't somehow. Thank you.
You're the sole reason I'm so strong and brave. Brave enough to tell you all my filthy, ****** problems. Brave enough to trust you with my life. You're never gonna let go of me. I'll hold you forever. Thank you.
You're my wish on Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we'd all wish for one thing we wanted to have or happen and every ******' year, I wished for you to live forever and be happy. I regained my belief in miracles because of you Taz. Thank you.
You're the one and only thing I'm grateful and thankful for in my life. Nothing's worth you and our bond. At dinner on Thanksgiving, I would look to the window and say, "I'm grateful that Tasman's in my life and she gives me a world worth living in." Every ******* year baby. I love you with all my heart and everything else. Thanks.I hope I could do the same for you.

I sprinted away as the clouds darkened. Across the bridge and into the middle of a road. I'll never be sad if I don't see it. Kye can't be ripped out of my life. He's the only thing I've really got. And by then, I'm sure it was all just a mean prank he pulled on me. There's no way that he can have cancer. It's dark in the forest and I never want to stop. Just keep going and going. I stop in my tracks and think of how selfish I must be to Kye. Running away because I'm scared and angry and confused. Kye needs me.  I take the shortest way back to the yard,crossing through roads and down by the creek. He isn't depressed or angry, he's just sitting there on the hood of a '85 Cadillac staring at the hood between his legs.
"I hate you!" I yell at him.
" Why?" he asks, confused.
" You told me you had cancer just to get me back!" I said, with a glare in my eyes.
Kye stays silent and looks to the sunset over the fence.
" It wasn't a prank," he says, monotone. Then I knew...
I'm still as a brick when he turns to face me.I see the worry in his eyes and just stare at him... That was the last sunset he would see with out a window in front of it.
Two months after that day, Kye passed away and left me to fight the world by myself. He used to be strong and muscular, but two months later, he was weak and limp. He knew he wasn't going to see another day and left me by saying that, 'you're nothing but infinite.'
To this day, I wake up and think about what he said to me before he slipped far away. It's what keeps me going. Everything I do now is for Kye and I know he isn't that far away. I quit school for a while to cope with everything that has happened in the last year. My uncle and mother died in a horrible fire and my dad was shot and killed on the job. Me and Kye were the only ones left to occupy the spacious house in Bend.
I'm infinite and keep fighting until the day I meet everything that has kept me going.

So there's this girl
Of course there's this one girl
She's got beautiful brown hair and eyes that shine brighter then the Northern Star
She's got a torn open heart that gives consideration and love to me
And her personality shines brighter then the headlights of any new car
Stood right behind me, wrapped her ever so gentle arms around my chest
Her soft voice said, "I love you" into my ear
I felt like I was home, Like I was in my own little nest
That was on a field trip...
She's got long perfect legs  that get me weak at the knee
She's got a soul that needs to be filled with love and security
And her life is like a weeping willow, a rotting, sorrowful tree
Walked alongside me, giggled shyly and with a smile
Her lips formed the words, "No you wouldn't be. You've got me."
Seemed like right then and for always,  was being tested, I was on trial
That was in the Commons...
She's got slim, nurturing arms and hands that make me melt
She's got emotions that run so deep, deeper then the Grand Canyon
And her story made me want to be her safety harness, safety belt
Sat beside me, staring blankly at the far wall with a depressed, dull look
Her actions took me by surprise, like a tsunami of optimism
Appeared as though she was hungry for love, and that was my specialty dish as a cook
That was in the Lobby...
There's this girl
Of course this one girl
After all of the things she's said and done,
I'm wondering..
If I should go for her.
Should I?

Curse words have been shot my way
But I've always thought I'd make out just fine.
Just like any other kid.
People claim to need me,
Yet they are the ones who shoot the imaginary guns at me carelessly
I am not needed,
No, I am plotted somewhere  in the background.
Never coming to the foreground in any of the shooter's lives.
I'll be come famous one day
And then I will be holding the gun and aiming the words.
Curse words still ricochet in my lungs
Just come to remember that...
Hood is down,
Pants set low,
Shoes gripping  my ankles,
My fists cracked and ready to fight
Head is down,
Legs are bent,
Feet are grounded,
My fingers itching to meet bone
And through all of this, I will become famous

Life goes on
And we must separate the wood from the rain
I find myself trapped in clouds of grey
Mourning, grieving, breaking

Life keeps on rolling
And I'm swept under by the rip tides
Crying for a breath of air
To say goodbye.

Whenever I see
her tears,
It's time to dive right in,
and I'm already drowning
sinking to the ocean floor of her sorrow,
believing I could've prevented her river from flooding the banks, and
throwing my life preservior after her before she had gone overboard.

The switch of the sun is stuck on off,
and the dizzying waves
come crashing over my frail frame
slamming me below the surface.

Haunting stories to never be retold.
Nobody there to carry them
A firey blaze kept you going
then a heart break put out the fire
that's been burning for going on 13 years
And all of sudden,
your tears are bombs
Each one that drops from your war zone eyes,
narrowly missing me

But I'm hanging in there
For you
But that isn't my story. My story is
being the sirens that you could hear coming closer,
but that never actually showed up
at your doorstep,
that one pink leaf that gets flicked off the branch
which once promised hope.

So you uncoil from under the rubble
the foundation of your heart got blasted away
Some of it from your own error.
Unravel the white flag as I finally make out your figure
In all the darkness,
I somehow transform to that beacon
which is something you've been looking
for your whole entire life you've been flung around

Time to grab you,
hold you tight
and wait until the alarms become inaudible
summer after summer,
I layed there in my world,
taking in the fresh air.

And this whole time,
on another world,
held you
your misery,
your destroyed faith,
and the hope you used to treasure.
Everywhere you walk,
was a graveyard,
tombstones and rotted oaks
uprooted from your place on the shore
where you could look out at all those,
And to think..
this whole time,
I was just past the horizon,
searching for you,
trying to be that saving grace
you so desperatley needed.
If only I could wish all your worries away.
Let them become the stars
that shine so bright,
they outshine the moonlight.
Holding you close,
Bringing you back into the world of love and promise and security.
That is my story.
I wouldn't have one
without that first wave rocking me off my feet
falling a thousand feet down to slam into your troubles.

Laying on the carpet in the living room
You only need a webcam and you're sis..
Spend hours just staring at the screen

Gradually morphing
Slowly transforming
Into the greatest version of yourself
And you feel so high

Cuz you know you're safe
In that moment when both of you are rolling around laughing

Head's throbbing
The demons have come, they're robbing
Everything I hold close to me, nothing's staying
My life is what I might end up paying

Not a thing in this ******* world
Is worth having all your happiness wrecked, your life unfurled
And you have to be punched day after day
Hiding in the shadows, praying that everything would just be okay

Razors become friends
After tonight, you don't even care if your tattered body mends
Mirrors take a shot at your heart
Force you into believing things will be better if they come from a shopping cart

Nothing's quite real
Your senses shut down, you get to the point where you can't feel
Locking yourself into the deepest hole
People try to save you, they pry at your bunker,  and it's starting to take its toll

You reach the bottom.. You go head first
Anybody could see your want for love, an undying thirst
Your best friends smile can't even make life worth living
This ******* world you got chained down in is unforgiving

Caught in daze
You're trapped in the back of the worlds hardest maze
You go in a million circles for nine years
Seems as if you're soul is being sold by an auctioneer

You're worthless
As the days go by, you become mirthless
A rope is there, you know where it leads
But you know that it leads to major needs

Slip off your ledge
Here at the bottom we all silently took this pledge
That we would all end life together, unified souls
All that we would leave behind were coals

Then one by one, we fought back
We were tired of all this grey and black
Fought for each breath
No longer dancing with death

We were going to make it out of here one way or the other
We climbed for our sisters, our brothers, our fathers, our mothers
WE could make it through Hell
We were getting out of this city.. Done listening to that ******* city bell

Fighters, survivors, all one in the same
Our passion had come back to us, we wanted the gold and the fame
Of being a somebody, of being worth something someday
Honestly, if you want to live like us, to  live like a stray

Go ahead, be my guest
See what it feels like to be on Suicide Road strapped into a death vest
You threw away gold Riley. You just threw it away.
Once we shut off the lights and close the door, you'll just self-destruct and decay.

I love you way too much for you to go down
Your prince, he wears the most beautiful crown
But babe, I promise you, he won't be down there
Listen to me, I've been there and you know what.. I'm stupid enough to care

Things may not be perfect
And this whole wanting to change is just a side effect
If you slip too far, you're in the eye of the super storm
You'll be dead or near to it.. I can't let you go and try to see you transform

So don't go Riley. Please.
You're standing at the door
In my hand are the keys.
If you want them, you and I'll have to go to war.

Layin' in bed
Watching the sun slip behind the knolls of grass in the distance
If happy ever after still did exist
I'd still be holding you like this
Laying in bed
Seeing the stars rotate in the darkness
Still stuck in that time we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise
Layin' in bed
Contemplating all that I gave to you
You stole my nights
And I let you...

The kicking
And pounding
Like an old
Rustic
Blazing hot
Iron Horse

And the revolutions
Over and over again
They scream like an orchestra
Through the night that was started
so silent

Treading
Breaking
Sinking
Breathing
Shaking
Trying
Giving­
Surrendering

And it's a work in progress
Safety
Security
Trust
Assurance

Combined
At what is now
The Architects
Finest work

And we call it our home
I call it our dream
And you,
my heart

I can't keep on doing this
I have to  make things right
Between us...Just you and I.

I hit my rock bottom
When I looked into your eyes for the final time
I saw it
The hurt slipping from your eyes
Down your cheeks.

I just turned my back
Took off running
To a sanctuary that could save me

We're only in 8th Grade
I was gone from a world
Taken to another one,
Darker, vaster..
I threw the **** weights off my back
I came to the world of reality.
A world of happiness and love.

So I can't walk the halls on Monday
With you walking silently beside me
Both of us, together
I suppose a, "Hello" don't mean much

I won't ditch you because of a heart break
That's not who I am
You and I weren't supposed to be together
My world was spiraling out of control
About to explode when I heard you yell my name

And I will not keep doing this
I've picked myself up
Stopped the self-hate
Now I'm climbing up Everest
When I reach the top

I guess I'll call out your name
Like you yelled mine as I ran away
See if you call back
Because I have to make things right
Between you and I

I love you like crazy,
Only want the best for you. Happiness, love, security.
I'm sorry for being so isolated from you.
Can we start all the way over?
Get to know each other without the awkwardness of a crush?

The click and pound and beat
Will be the final thing that they hear
Not their moms saying have a good day
Or their dads squeezing them and saying I love you
The Christmas Tree delicately lit
Will be the candle to remember them by
And the ornaments that were delicately placed
Will be the bullets that were fired...
The classic winter wonderland
Will be altered this year
No longer happy and cheerful
Or up-beat and comforting
The shots ring through your ears
Will be all that you hear come Christmas Eve and Day
Not the hourly chimes of the town clock
Or the regular carolers
The Christmas Tree delicately lit
Will be the candles to remember them by

Spinning in the dark
Looking for the summer light
Flying into the Kiwi's nest down under

Gasping for not breathed air
In the frosted midnight grass
Arching towards the muddied moon

Searching, wanting, craving
Needing that blade
To pour out all the wrongs
And set attention on the

untouched tomorrow

Crying, gasping, spinning, losing, gaining, loving, hurting
Unlatching

I located my anchors,
Tugged on them
Ripped them from their bed on the bottom of my tear-filled heart
A portable, endless, deepening ocean

I found my demons,
Under the willow tree down by the river
Swaying between the branches in the lively breeze

Displayed courage,
Bragged about strength
But they lack hope and stability

Thunderstorms of bows and arrows
Skimming my skin
Grazing my gut
But I've..
I've stood in the line of fire many times before
My anchors rust away
My demons get ****** up into the weakening storm

I'm finally at the top of my game
Not going anywhere
Any time soon

I bid my farewell to my ocean of a heart
And I turn my back to the bowing limbs of my willow

White dies from feeling, existence, thought, memory.
Just like that ball of paper.
So let the snow vanish your tracks,
Watch out the window baby and see the whirlpool begin to swirl.
Pools of curiosity erupts within
And only then are you at your best.
Rub off the little flurries gathered on your shoulders.

I will always hear you calling,
Your pleas impossible to miss-
A cry from the dark
A shadow breaking heart.

Well, it's time you shattered your shackles
Broke free from your bonds.
I'll tell you what, I've got the temporary key
But you hold the permanent one.

It's held within you. Just keep searching
Inside you is a maze
lost in the back.
I have a map.

So no matter how badly you get hurt,
how many times you fall,
I will always pick up the pieces
and glue them back into place of your puzzle frame.

Cause I will never give up on you.
Always got your back in a fight, even if ya don't got mine
You're worth my everything, I'd give it all up
Just to see your face lit with one more smile.

-Tasman

14 balloons floating in the wind, hitting electrical wires
14 kittens running around in the yard, perfect prey for the Hawks
14 unmatched socks laying by the fire, catching fire and burning down the house
14 years of living on Earth, wanting it all to end
14 will be where it stops

I hate wearing bikini's or one pieces.
Instead, I rock out in swim trunks and a surf tee.
I hate wearing my hair down or all made up.
Instead, I stroll in a faux hawk.
I hate wearing a bra.
Instead, oh wait. I HAVE TO...
The downsides of being a tom boy.

It's not really a goodbye
Or farewell
Still is my life
Still in my life
It's more of a See you soon

Saying goodbye is one of the most hurtful things to go through
But when you're walking tall
Through the flames that were your Hell
Everything in Hell
Made you stronger.

Goodbye means you shut a door.
Saying goodbye to memories as I lock the door.
I promised to throw away the key.
But if I throw it into the fog,
I'll be slipping through the cracks again.

Don't want to go back down into the slew of depression.
Don't think I'm strong enough to pull myself out again.
Don't say goodbye.
Please. I'm crying out into the dark.
I won't let you say goodbye to me.
I promised you, you did the same.
We don't break promises.

Lost and then found,
But the door is still locked.
We're looking for another way in.
Will we ever find it?
Are we supposed to find another way in?
Time to say goodbye.
Just not to you.

I'm nothing
But a freak, a misfit, a ******* mistake
A regret, a loser, an ***

I hate myself more then anything else in the world
I want to rip my skin apart
Break windows and bust down doors
Nothing will ever be good enough for people
I want to end it all
I'm done
I give up

I'm giving in.
I'm nothing.

The colors
Brightening, lightening, darkening, dimming
Grey to green to fragile white skies
I'm crying because I love you
I'm crying because you're someone I believe in

The walks
The talks
The distance we traveled
Not only in miles, but in heartbeats
We just walked around the rings of Saturn and back

I wanted to maybe take your hand and hold it in mine
Grey skies, with the droplets splattering your neighborhood
I wanted to wrap my arms around your waist
Maybe rest my head on your shoulder to show you exactly what you mean to me

The crunch and scuffs
the background music to our walk
And I'm crying because I love you
Crying because I know that this girl who I think the world of
Would never want to be mine
And we'll never walk around the rings of Saturn again
I'll never feel like you took me to another planet.
A planet of hope and happiness and strength and support

Darkening, dimming
The lights are fading
And I'm wanting to take your hand
And take another walk tat leads us to Jupiter

I can smile because I love you

Stealing my breath on a summer night
Youthful in the dusk and wise on the stars
Driving out with pillows and blankets in the back of the truck
Now, her smile warms my freeze
Easily holding me as I regain feeling in the form of tears
You, you and I~

Loving through the strokes of the clock
Echoing the newest learned song between the walls
Arching, moaning, coming- close
Neighbors can easily hear you and T and A
Netflix binges and night holds
Edward Elric and Alphonse are on a scroll hanging on the wall

Ching chong and she still believes Asia speaks one language
Love-with a little bit of lust some could say
I waited so long for the 'i' so I could say 'I love you and you love me'
Fighting for yourself and being my tough one when I'm away
Freedom. Yep. #YOLO #sorrynotsorry #Free
Orchard is a part of Washington State as you taught me
Running can't quite be a thing, but derby is
Dedicating my life to you. Then, now, forever.

I don't want to flick the light out,
the blazing marble strung up in the night sky casting shadows over and under and between solitary and vacant feelings.
Eventually being mixed into a whirl wind of havoc all the while the moon rolls behind the naked tree limbs and the boiling gold sphere peaks over the adjacent hills.
Slouching in piercing silence, nails stiffen because they're afraid of clinking to the ground. Ripping off all that you treck with.  
Transform to the torn sole of your shoe, breath in the sights.

Shove away from the wall and burst through windows, seeming unsinkable.
Still slouching in piercing silence.
Shadows seem to evade the clear, illuminated streets.
Toss your hat across the river, soaring like a dagger.
Gently gliding like a heron to crouch inside a thicket of your brain.

Trapping those thoughts girl, you know you have to shake them out.
They hold no shadows,
Just like Peter Pan.

This time last year
I was sick from the monster that ravaged her
Praying to someone I never talked to
But yelling at them to save her

Laying in bed
This time last year
She was better gone than miserably withering away
As if the hidden tears watering the carpet in the office a few stairs away
could revive her.

We become selfish as the monster ***** away any hope.
Selfish to the ones who are strong and are walking tomorrow
Selfish to the ones strapped to the stained glass window to another place

Perspective relations
For this time last year
She was sick.
Now strong.

I'm sick of feeling stuck
To holding on
And to isolating myself
And to feeling numb, not because of all the pains
But just because it's sitting there.

I want to move on, start over
Breathe a new cloud
But I don't have the energy,
But I lay in bed all day on my laptop
Under the covers, skyping the girl who gives me all her love unconditionally.
I don't want to feel so stuck
And I feel stuck.

I was sitting on the curb
Waiting to see the people who were just like me
Mom was explaining things to me
My brother felt like he was home. That these were his people.

Inside my head,
I'm screaming these are my family.
On the outside, I'm watching all the people walk across the street.
Hear the rev of motorcycles.
Hear comes the ***** on Bikes

Girls who I thought were boys
Didn't really know what a **** was
Until I looked into the street.
Man. That duct tape had to hurt when they took it off their skin.

Looking back at that day
I barely knew anything.
Hell, I barely knew the what "You'll live like a ***** babe." meant.
Things were never hard just because I was Gay.
Relationships are what made my life Hell.

A Year Ago Tomorrow
Was the day
I found it wouldn't be the same again.
A Year Ago Tomorrow
Marks the day
I came to terms with who I really was.

Can you really tell?
Which helping hands are true?,
and which are imposters
Which ones will take your hand when you slip,
and not let go?
Or which ones will be held out but will push you down and pull out of the way when you fall?
Can you really tell?

They're all around,
the fakes and the friends.
The ones who laugh behind you, but smile when you spin around
Or the ones who defend your back and hug you when you turn around
Or how about the ones who laugh at you all the time?
They're the ones to stay.
Can you really tell?

Cause I can tell,
My sister's the real deal.

(I'll always be there to protect you.)

-Tasman

I want to see the beauty
Of the winter skies crashing, drowning the soft summer night waves
I want to see the frailness
Of the leaves cracking beneath the tires, the feet, the paws
I wish to see happiness
Casting it into the purple grey skies too far for me to grasp between my sleek, scarred fingers
I want to see history
From the little flag crushed in the season's frayed grass. The pink seeping into the roots of the stripes and stars. My muddied blood.And I wish to see the wishing well sparkle in my war-zone eyes, as I toss not just a penny, but a past for my future.

Needing to let everything drip off of me
At ends with my parents
Still battling my brother
He'll be gone in a few months
And every time I walk down the hall, I'll be reminded that he's a thousand miles away
Not ready for him to go..
What about my bro..I need him more then I ever have before...
I'll be drowning in the littlest of puddles and
I'll be soaring on the tiniest of breezes
I need you Sean..

Wrapping my arms around your familiar body
Making a wall of Hope and Happiness around the two of us
Creating a world where we're the ones to thrive
Your warmth is nice
And your cheeks are the color of a perfect peach

Roaming in your forest
Gleaming gold rays drip through the canopy
You're laying right in one of them
Looking so perfect, I can't help but smile
Nothing could break us
Because I built a shield of Faith, Strength and Unbroken Promises
Garden glove in garden glove, walking back
They call her Love.
I call her Life.

What am I searching for?
I've been shaken down to my core
Nothing's out of place
Everything belongs where it is, in its case
I just never had it
So now in the dark, I take a lantern that I've lit
To go looking for it, wandering as I go
Where it is, who it's with I don't know
Slipping slowly down the drain
I'm starting to feel less and less of this pain
As I make my way alone on this path
I finally begun to figure out the math
I have half of my heart
And I know now, that I can't find it in a shopping cart
I may have to take the trip a million times more after this
But maybe, I'll meet a girl and I will know, in just one kiss
And the lantern will no longer be lit every night
Because I have a love that leads the way as she hols me tight
So in the dead of winter
If she's away for the night, I'm sure going to miss her
But she will always be in my heart
And I will love her forever and always, even if we are apart
Sleeping through the darkness and fears
For in my dreams, all of the nightmares, she clears
And I am safe in her arms
Don't care if we're in the city or out in the country on a farm
As long as I have her I am complete
No one is better then her, so no need to compete
For we were meant to be all smiles and laughs
Put bubble beards on one another in our baths
However long this journey turns out to be
I will find the girl, with her perfect heart and I with the perfect key

Tripping and hoping to latch onto something or someone
So far it's been nothing but slipping into a ditch
Maybe this time I can be okay.

My dad was strong,
My mom gave me strength
This family of mine, well,
We're all survivors

Disaster will not break me.

Remember all those years..
Parents telling you about high school, and all that it holds
Teachers instructing you to work hard in preparation for high school
Friends joking and eagerly waiting for that time

All those years swim by
Parents quit talking
Teachers loosen their grip on our leash
The months add up now,
Parents have completely ignored us
Teachers take the reigns once more
Friends cling to your sides

We're only 7 months from walking through the front doors,
Nobody can tell us what to expect
Because we've made it
We're already here
And when we thought we were ready,
Boy, some of us wish to be trapped back in Mr. Davis' classroom
Or chained to the table in the commons for lunch detention

Our whole entire lives are out on a tight rope,
Cross to the other side, with a couple of close calls?
Or will we tip over and crash from the high?
Just a few more months.. Couple more class periods
And the feeling of safety and reassurance vanishes
Ready or not..
Here we come.

Going from a booster seat in the restaurant,
To a wooden chair at the dinner table,
Then to a back seat in the family car
Now you've made front seat
But you beg to be back in that booster seat, with a bib and a goofy  toothless smile

Emptiness, Sorrow, Outcast
Starting to slip below the surface
Something in the way you act
Makes me feel like I can't keep going
So I'll become the outcast
Not a thing can change
What's already happened
Acceptance, Belief, Security
Beginning to realize there's a chance
Anything could be possible
Gives me the feeling of being indestructible
So I can be leader of my life
Maybe save someone who means something to me
Possibilities anew in my world
But this whole time,
That the clock keeps counting the hours, minutes, seconds,
I know that I'll be at the very bottom in a matter of hours.
Cause I can only seem to soar on the smallest of drafts.

You can still be
What you want to
When you first met me

Ever get that feeling of being cheated
Of being forgotten and excluded
Just because of your past?
I'm sure the blacks in this country
Feel the way I feel

Slip out from beneath the covers
Land on the floor,
Be stepped on
Time and time again,
People are creatures of habit
They slip a lie here
Put in a lie there
Hard to tell the difference
Now a days,
I just stick to myself,
Knowing what could've been

In place of white,
I dress in black.
All those letters to Santa
Take on a whole new meaning.
In place of bikes and robots,
The tree is filled with hearts and prayers.
All those cookies and glasses of milk
Take on a whole new legacy.
In place of a Santa Hat,
I dress in blood red.
All those Family Christmas Cards
Take on a whole new importance.
In place of soggy socks,
I wear my bare feet.
All those stockings
Take on a whole new significance.

The bodies
Thumping
Pounding
Drowning out
My escape

The bodies
Quiet
Soft
Savoring it
The rush

Legs pried open
From
Africa
To
Australia
And the compass needles in between
Girls locked quietly down
As the
Thumping
Pounding
Drowning out
But there's nothing but the wrong to drown out

Bloodied
Beaten
Broken girls
Stripped down to the concrete on the corner streets
Sought out shelter
Somebody see me in the light of the  street lamp

Stripped down to the shock
Of the same language
No matter what continent your feet are on
It's all the same

Thumping
Pounding
Drowning out
The wrong doors close
And the wrong sounds made
With your manhood thrusting apart her gates forcefully
Why would you not just ask

I'm not here
I'm not in the stream of light
I'm caught up in fear
I am tied down
Back in that street back, way back
Before I stood to stare

I'm not there
I'm not winning any award
I'm not able to care
I am strapped down
Up in with those bars, way up in that barn
Before I cried to shadows

I'm not here
I'm enclosed by my tears, and my doubts
I'm not around when it counts
Like a missile waiting to explode
I am deep within the mines
Of the rich and the poor
I am not around when you need me
I am back, trapped in fear
In Terror
That I will be strung up by those lights
In that barn

Only this time
The lights won't
Loosen and I
Won't
Fall
to my life
I will stay strung there
As the morning lights washes over my limp body

I am from blades,
from Monster and Kodiak.
I am from the twilight skies on my rooftop.
Angled, Dangerous.
echoing low noftes bellow in the valley where I lay in pieces.
I am from the petals of the Oriental Cherries,
the eroded shoreline
that once safe sanctuary turned
to the eye of the hurricane

I'm from locking myself away from the arguements and
decorating my sister's grave with withered roses,
from Danielle and Grant.
I'm from the rip tides of grief and regret that follows my father,
and the lonesome, aged embrace of my brother,
from everything happens for a reason and
just keep fighting and maybe we'll be alright.
I'm from scorched dreams
And they've kept me afloat long enough
for me to locate and touch down in the shallows.

I'm from Irish, obvioulsy more then tipsy grandparents,
maple syrup rolls and Kool-Aid packets.
From the unfortunate instability of my brother's mountain bike
the speckled, flexed "glass" skin that holds my grandmothers spirit.

Tangled amongst the stinging nettles
Searing away all my past regrets
My background shocks my ground
Raising my cracked, frayed spirits to my spot that's atop the rooftop,
Getting lost in the city of constellations
I come from uncertain outcomes and fatally close calls.

The flames making a forest
I got trapped in all the hazy heat
Everything that mattered to me caught in the inferno
My body said to fight
My mind said it was pointless to try.

I lay there
All the safety nets came toppling down on me
Helpless, abandoned, trash, stranded is what I thought I was
Hell, mayhem, and isolation had taken the controls
The terrorists I had been brought up to fear and hate
Had destroyed my life.

They slammed right into my World Trade Centers
My Hope and Fate had jumped off the sides with my Happiness
While  my strength burned inside my heart
Everything ruined to embers and ashes
Now today, I am finally here, I've survived Hell.

I've gotten the rubble pull off me
And I'm done falling
'Cause I've made it to the ground floor
I can see the the smoke clearing, blue skies flooding in
Staggering up, my battle scars are proof
That I made it through Hell and back.
My terrorists are gone, sinking to the ocean floor with anchors of passion
My passion that's sinking, will be taking me to the top.

I remember standing there
My closest friend
She said,
"If I could have any wish, I'd wish you could have a better life.."
Suddenly, the flames of the bonfire were lively
The heat finally broke past my clothes and touched my skin
Stars seemed to shine
The twinkle was in my eyes again
Moon was illuminating our globe

There was always this safety, reassurance
That I felt when I looked into her eyes
Or stepped into her house
It was family

And I've finally felt that tether that's been there since 1st grade
So please tell me that there's a genie in a bottle somewhere
I would wish for her to find everything she needs in life
And that nothing would go wrong
I'd wish that all her demons would vanish

My hand snakes to your ever so inviting lap
I want to hide us under my new baseball cap
It's your first time
Trust me, it'll be quite a climb
You're too afraid to be unleashed so soon
Wanting to stay within your cocoon
I don't blame you darling,
Kids and adults will never quit snarling
Called a coward
Not by me but society's video tapes
My head rests on your shoulder
I hope it doesn't feel like a massive boulder
That's when I come to life
Cut loose like Pinocchio was with a knife
Yet still called a coward
Because we're hidden outside of shadows

City storms and maddening proposals
why not stay simple and kiss
No extravagent nights hitting the shops
"But the economy dropped" you hear
Then lets follow  back to simpler rooms
To the uncut fields  and
life support barn frames that glint softly
through the cowboy hat reflections
Take to the tire swing dragging over seams of the hurt skies
Scraping the bottom of the barrels

Go to the old country and in
our eyes
the metalic skin does not envy us
For it has novels it wrote to speak

Lets make it new again
Pulling the ashtray clouds
And gasoline tears through the messy cottontails
Let us not be caught as we adventure
Inside thickets of pasts and childhood books