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Shakeraw Aug 2017
Have you ever been addicted to someone?
I mean truly addicted, almost deathly addicted.
Do you know what it feels like to want a person, more than air or food or even the blood that keeps you alive? The fire you feel when you think of them burns you alive into a beautiful death and you love every single second of it. When you dream of them everytime you close your eyes and never want to wake up because youre afraid they wont be next to you. The unbearable high you feel when they touch you, how their kiss posses your body and almost ***** out your soul and leave you in a puddle of ecstasy. Their scent makes love to your soul as it passes through your nostrils. The mere thought of them can cure any ailment. But then, without any real reason, they walk away from you. And if that wasnt a painful enough death, they turn the knife and dig a little deeper into your heart. They regret you ever happened, they say you were a mistake, they walk out of your world that they promised they would never hurt and turn around and set it on fire. The screams of agony and despair like sweet music ringing in their ear. The sight of your burning flesh falling away from the bone is beautiful to them. And while youre dying you see the sweet embrace that used to be the best part of your day being given to another. And you die a horrible second death. Knowing that your whole world and the thing you used to call your air and other half will never be yours again. And like a drug you know its not right, but **** if you dont still want them inside. **** if you were ever offered it again, nothing on earth would compare to that high. **** if after all the tears, that moan would be sweet music to your ears. After all of the heartache, you still want to make them *** till their body shakes. And every night, in your dreams you wake up fiening for the love you made. ****, Have you ever really been addicted to someone?
Shakeraw Sep 2017
Are you lucky enough to have found your soulmate? Have you been blessed enough to find the one who you were made to love? Have you met the one who was so perfect for you, your heartbeats were always in sync? I have, lucky me right? This man was my own personal brand of heroine. I ordered his natural scent than that of any perfume or cologne? The high he gave me was better than any drug. He became the addiction I never thought i could have. And i wanted no parts of cure. He was my entire reason for even existing. Even when he put me thorough hell and blood and tears stained my pillow, i knew life without him would be 10xs worse than any pain he could ever inflict.
Few peoplein the world are lucky enough to find their one in a trillion equal. I have found mine twice which is a phenomenal thing all in itself. Lucky me right? He was my permanent weak spot, my drug of choice, my obsession. And his love for me was wider than the entire universe. We were made for no one but each other. I saw only him in a room full of people. Our very own happily ever after. The perfect fairytale world of any normal adolescent girl was born with him. Lucky me right?
Well, like all fairytales there is always a villain. He came in the middle of the night and stole everything i thought i couldn't live without. In a flash everything i held dear was gone. The very breathe in my lungs left me and i died a slow death. But then a familiar friend found me and breathed for me. SHE poured life back into my brokenness and restored everything i had lost. The love, the passion, the desperation for the love of my life was the exact feeling I got when she walked into a room. Every bar he set she met rapidly. The high, the state of euphoria, she was able to replicate with no effort at all. For the heart palpataions he gave me with every kiss, she put a million butterflies in stomach with the touch of her lips. The mountains of lavish gifts he showered me with, i got her undivided attention which put me in pure bliss. Everything I fell in love with about him I found it in her. Lucky me right? Everything including the fact that i will never stop craving and fiening for them both but i will never again be able to call any of them mine again.
Where you ever lucky enough to find your soulmate? I was, twice. Lucky me right?
I wrote this poem about my husband who i lost to suicide. And i found a very unexpected love in my best friend. And even after we broke up I couldn't figure out why i couldn't get over her. Why i was so drawn to her and never wanted to be more than 5 ft away from her. I never even wanted to get over her and i had an epiphany one day that she was the female version of my husband. They were exactly alike. And it's bittersweet. I hope you enjoy it.
Shakeraw Aug 2017
I heard our song today,
My mind ran instantly to us.
My heart skipped more beats than it pumped
My mouth ran dry and my hands begin to shake.
The feeling left as fast as it came when i pictured your face.
I still smell your cologne and remember how you feel,
If anything's wrong, you made it your job to heal it
Like when you walk into a room, my heart stood still.
The world you promised me the day you found out that you were a father to be.
Even though it didnt pan out the way we'd hoped you never once made me feel like anything less than perfect.
Regret and sorrow now replace the joy and bliss that once accompanied your name.
Now that you've gone, my world will never be the same. While its true life must go on, a world without you just seems so wrong. My closest friend right to the end, i can never comprehend why you'd leave like this.
I sit alone now in the darkness of despair.
I cry my silent tears,
My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces.
The silence is deafening to my ears.
The darkness frightens me,
The shadows climb the wall.
The loneliness surrounds me,
It takes my breath away,
This is the pattern of my life,
Since that awful, dreadful day.
Without a clue
Without a hint
Of what was yet to be,
I  guess you needed to meet with god personally.
I walk, I talk. I carry on
When the sun pokes out its head
But when darkness falls
And evening comes
I cannot go to bed.
For this is when I miss you most of all
When I curl into a little ball
And cry those silent tears.
Watching the phone,
Waiting for you to call.
Our anniversary is coming up soon
I dread that day for if not like any other day
I'll think of you,
I have only just lost you the pain is hard to bear,
Do I have to go through life knowing you're not there
please some one explain to me i really need to know why you had to do this to me
I sit here and remember all the beautiful times we shared, they were once in a lifetime memories, a Cinderella story,
the talks, our laughter, our walks under the stars
I am told the pain will ease in time
and I will think of you without a tear
but that will be impossible as I need to have you here
You were my world to me my ever guiding star
Just kiss me softly on the cheek and tell me you are happy where you are.
At least that way ill know, just for that reason, you had to go...
To my husband
Shakeraw Mar 2018
This is not a love poem
Because I hate that word now
This is not a love poem
Because love is not a friend of mine
Love has held me captive for far too long
Love has betrayed me, mocked me, played me, and abandoned me.
This is not a love poem
Love is never painless
I see that now
Love is the reasoning behind my tear filled pillowcases
Love captures my thoughts too many times to count
This is not a love poem
Because love is only one sided
No one is ever loved in return as equally as it is put out.
This is not a love poem
I'd tear my heart out if I could
This is not a love poem
Because as much as I loved you,
It wasn't reciprocated
This is not a love poem
And as long as I live,
My only wish is to never feel
Loves sting again

— The End —