it's true that all the women you knew
were more than you could ever know and it seems
they never cease to surprise you
i know that kind of girl
its hard to grasp the idea of she
who is looking for nothing more than pure pleasure
who is looking for nothing more than ****** favors

so i grabbed up all my precious things and set out
to meet this vicious queen with hopes
of love and *** and drugs and laughter
but as you should know my hopes were high
and with their faults i set myself up
for a pure and sure tragic disaster
i was just some fool trying to find some comfort
i was a ******* fool out looking for some comfort

so i met up with the queen divine
and at her palace i did find
some of the things that i was sure to cure my illness
and pulling from my pocket
a collection of narcotic aides, i said:
we might as well be ****** up, my fellow stranger
we're all a little ****** up, my precious stranger

so we opened my bottled offering
of liquid gold and began to drink
a cheers to all night's planned adventures
as my senses they began to dull
my lust for her began to swell
and hers for me was burning bright and vivid
two twisted souls reaching out to feel one another
yes two twisted souls desperate to feel the other

so we made out for a round or two
an exploration of the other's mouth
a new land for each to ****, pillage and plunder
interjected by **** here and there
an intermission conversely shared
talk was cheap, but my body was surely cheaper
something to be used up by a stranger
a torrid holy land for another stranger

the tension it was unbearable
for ****** games unmentionable
to twist and writhe with misplaced passion
two bodies bare in ecstasy
becoming one through misanthropy
a battle scene grand for ages and ages
she cut me deep with intimate relentless
yes she struck me deep, she was relentless

so i felt her body close to mine
and worshiped it as if some shrine
a true testament of flawless perfection
and with my sword so righteously
i pierced her shrine so godlessly
i was fallen priest and her body was my alter
and when she came i felt the strangeness falter
when we came all the strangeness faltered

we laid upon the war torn sheets
to experience that awkward feat
of replacing loneliness with ****** conviction
i fell asleep in her naked breast
a solider starved for tender rest
i was relieved of all my woes and endless sadness
and i found it at this dear strangers address
so i spent the night in the comfort of her prowess

until we woke to say goodbyes
and possibly share one more surprise
of additional intimate relations
i was sad to go but couldn't stay
for fear of love to show its face
a mutually agreed upon resistance
no we would not let our lonely hearts misconstrue this
no we could not let our raw hearts go through this

so i'll lend you my last offering
of knowledge to pain and suffering
you'll find a place to bury your sickness
you'd be surprised what comes around
when you sell your soul underground
you'll be a poster child for unashamed *** and danger
yes you will find your solace within some stranger
so don't be afraid to find it, fellow stranger

What is it that makes me
An absolute burden to you?
Not just you
All of you
Tell me what it is
Because it's eating me alive.

Is it my inability embrace reality?
Or my absence of mental stability?
My lack of sound decision making
Paired with all the drugs I'm taking?
It can't be my appreciation
For the ******* lives you're faking.

What a complete joke it is

To feel so unwanted
By everyone you hold in high praise
It's laughable how much it hurts
How deep these wounds go
How out of place I feel
In my many homes
I just need to get away
To give you all a break.

I'm rain on your pity parade
Tone deaf to your serenade
Engulfed by anxiety
Feeling inadequate
Presently unpleasant
Doomed to forever be
The awkward teenager
Trying to fit in
The afterthought
The whatshisface
The nevermind

But still I'll follow you around
The pathetic puppy dog
Nipping at your feet
Begging for attention
But no bone gets thrown my way
No attaboys, no morsels or scraps
Not even crumbs of mild amusement
Just your spit in the dirt
At the mention of my name

It's just something
I don't understand
Well whatever it is
I swear I'll change

Normal dad stuff
That I've learned to do
I'd probably make a pretty cool dad
I could fix a thing or two

I've gone and done a bad thing
and I've opened up to you
I sit here without armor
underneath this lonely moon
I watch the stars, they flicker
as if they're dying in the night
My eyes fill with cigarette smoke,
it's clouding up my sight
Or maybe it's the tears
of a truly broken heart
I don't want to hear your response,
please don't go playing your part
If I was looking for some answers
or a flag of truce to wave
I would have asked quite desperately,
I would have pled the same
It was just expression of my current state,
the horror which I bare
The inflicted pain I've called upon,
the embarrassment I share
So please be kind and let me be,
this broken man to heal
Regardless of my loneliness
this stubbornness is real
Just let me call out my repentance
until the blood falls from my knees
I'll express this inner anguish
then I promise I'll let you be
For we both know this game at hand
is the most dangerous and vile
It's sure to end in bloodshed
and broken limbs of denial
So I'll remain here under lunar light
and wait for midnight's freeze
Let the coldness become my body
and put my heart at ease

"With a overwhelming sigh of relief.
Everyone together, all at once.
Deafening, like the voice of God.
And then nothing.
That's how.
You?"

Take my hand and drag me away from here
Down the alleys, past the trash
Up the steps of lovers hearts trampled
Where we'll sit and drink wine with the city resting at our feet
And you'll braid my hair and I'll try hard not to fall in love
But the stars in my glass hold a different fate
And your tender heart makes me want to speak into your lips
And in my head I play a thousand scenes, of what should and should not be
And I'm tearing from this earth, swept into the night's sky
By God herself, plucking me up by my lapel
To scold me and console me, to **** and indulge me
And I cry into her soft hands "why must I be cursed so well,
A fairytale ailment, a poet beguiled?" And she sweetly replied
"No soul is cursed, a man just has his fair share of trials"
And she placed me gently on the hillside for the uphill strife
Where I'll fall short of expectation and desire
And you'll carry me off again to end this insufferable pleasure
Your hand ******* my jacket, mine soft on your back
And in the middle of the street, I try and stop you under a light
Because in this moment's time I want to make you mine
I want to pull you in and hold tight, like a sailor after some forgotten war,
Clutching his lady in white, the square and world falling at their side
And I feel myself preparing to lose my virginity of divinity
I tense and relax, heart beating well outside my chest,
Ready to relinquish all inhibitions into your cool, calm, collect
But you march on, you strange little creature, resisting my surrender
Maybe I'm still too high to comprehend any of this
But the trade of allurement for retreat has replaced my excitement with stress
We talk of never speaking again but I can't help lying to your face
I never want this night to end, I want to push it as far as I can
Explore every possibility, because you instill an invincible feeling in me
Strengthen my desire for a life of unpredictability and whim
You are poetry in motion, a masterpiece ever evolving, excitement in the flesh
I want to place my will in your persuasion, adopt your sense of wild ambition
Stand with you at the foot of the monolith of this world's wonder
Maybe we're just born in the wrong point in history, unfortunately,
Two classics falling deaf on the modern assembly
And they curse us for not adhering to their numbing prescriptions of life
But alas, here we are, out of line, out of time
It all seems right, for any existence that allows our paths to cross
A blessing to my being, the epitome of freeing
Just stay with me for a moment longer and I promise I'll keep your heart beating.

What is this I'm experiencing?
Is this a beast I cannot tame?
Am I not the boy so brave?
All these nights spent far too late,
They have sent me spiraling
Into a madness I welcome humbly.
Teeth clenched, I delve recklessly
Into an endless familiar unknown.
I stare longingly into the abyss,
Searching, scanning, endlessly.
Uncovering the unrecoverable, revealing
That the abyss is me.

Desire has a nuanced way
Of rearing its ugly head
Disguised in a pretty red wig
A cinnamon girl, a wild mare
Racing a hot summers night
And I, a king of trash, lost
Deep in the ocean of vulnerability
That glimmers behind your eyes
Sinking, swimming, submerged
It's hard to stay afloat
When you're ten feet above water
And you can't breathe
When your lungs are full of lust
But maybe just for tonight
Among the places we've drank
The cars taking us here to there
The cigarettes, tequila, and drugs
The warming sensations
The stupid decisions
The too close conversations
A longing gaze, a hand on thigh
Your beauty closes in on mine
And our lips would touch
Igniting a flame, burning me
Embers to ashes, dust to pain
For we'd only exist this night
A memory in the making
A heart of broken shame
A possibility too perfect
The product of fantasy
Something I'd wish for
But never come to fruition
Intuition screaming at me
Don't kiss the girl
Leave before you **** yourself up
And in comes the reaper
Here to collect my debt
Of too much ingested
I feel sick, losing control
Get me the hell out of here
I want to go home.

I'm not weak.
I'm not weak.
I'm not weak.
I might be a little bit weak.
No, don't.
****.

I'm a man of many labors.
A God amongst many saviors.
But here I am, weak and broken for you.