Why is it so easy for you to defiy my thoughts of you?
So easy to move my mind to another level

Let me have my way.
My leash your collar.
Wrists cuffed.
I want your body right now.
No questions.
Do what I ask.
And take all I'll give.

Sunny disposition-- a term used for people that -seem- happy in all situations.
Understand logically- people aren't always happy.
After an extensive period of time I'm not happy. And pretending to be for so long becomes a bad habit.
And that reply when someone asks " how's your day" to hear back" outstanding " is a lie. But if it's all you know are you lying ? No instead at this point it's more the lack of understanding for properly exspressing the pains felt within one's self.
It's become acceptable mentally and it's not okay.
But only I can change it.
And the problem is how hard it is to change something you've lived into existence.

"Today's a hot one that's for sure!"
Sunny out here in the miami sun,
I've been working in my grandmother's yard since 9a.m.
I sat down for a moment to have a cigarette when I get a call,
"Are you go to head to the protests?"

"If there's one happening I'm there."

"Theres 5,  I found happening now."

"Send me the locations I'm heading out now to get my gear!"

Moments later im speeding down a freeway wondering where I left my bullet proof vest and plates, im going about, 96,
Windows down, and the wind was hot.
Not many cars on i75, I hit the exit and I dont think I slowed down at all, it was a blind race to the finish a blurry fast flurry,for the flag and camouflage.

Thinking back on it now I could tell you I new it was going to be bad, not for me, for the police.

All the small chatter I had heard led me to believe there was going to be a big march in miami and ft Lauderdale,  so I was in a hurry,
The cops in those areas had hardly any experience in protesters so I new there was something bad coming on.

My last protest there were thousands of us as we led the million mask marrch for anonymous, before that was bulldozers used with swat and feds during occupy miami.

So I was ready for anything
But this seemed different.

The caller was nervous when giving me that information asif they were calling me as the backup.
And so when I got home i went right to my wall and grabbed my guy fawks mask from my other protests, it was cracked, painted with a tribal design that was stained with my blood from my last protest, I brought my smoke bombs my knife and a vest under camo with a flag, from  anonymous walk on wall street, and lastly a medic kit.

I got in my car and drove to ft Lauderdale, it wasnt until I hit the downtown area that I could smell that burnt sulphur sent and then I could taste it,                          


Cs-gass.

As I rounded the corner I was met with rubber bullets and as I heard the pings across my car I turned around,
Getting a call "they got cleared out from the area and were heading to miami", so I drove straight there.

The drive between was blurry,
Mut when I got to the tower across from bayside I could already see people running,
I drove blocks away and headed into a deeper area, park my car there incase of a situation occurring for a fast exit.

As I made my way back I could already see smoke, i come to a bride with a group of protesters as more gass is dispersed,  I run from it with them towards a larger group as the smoke grows seeing who I was looking for,
I kept running and I came to a underpass where there was a police car in flames,
I kept moving to meet my associate.

We spoke briefly but I found out the team we were with was fallen hurt and arrested some before today but we only met during these occasions.

We used our medkits and got to quick work of those we came across,

It wasnt long before we realized we weren't supplied enough to keep going and so we moved around trying to keep the peace and prevent more chaos before we finally departed.

I remember that night well because day 2 would've much worse or much better only the morning would tell, but after what we saw we decided to pretend we weren't even there. < we were identified anyway later that week by others from day 1>

I cant say I'm smiling,
I cant say im happy,
I cant quite feel these butterflies,
Now that theres this pit,
All I needed was a word or two,
Something to make me feel right,
not blue.
But who new,
I could come and go for an hour if you wish,
A night a day a stay,
But in this one moment an hour is refused,
And I am left to feel so used,
I wait alot,
For time or words,
But just an hour,
Low isnt the low of it,
sad isnt the depths,
Alone in this moment,
That's not the best of it,
Alone because your request of it,
Make me feel like less of it,
Chest in pain I'll rest on it,
Stuck  in my throat I'll choke on it,
Expressed my self,
Like I'm the joke of it,
The words set aside,
As they flow into my mind,
But not in rhymes,
Hurting like I'm the punchline with no joke,
Enjoy your day,
I know I wont,
Made these plans for you,
all fell through,
Just because I opened up?!,
to much,
To soon,
My heart on my sleeve but I'll eat it,
I'm fine,
it just hurts,
I'll beat it,
Have a good night,
I mean it
I'll be out with the trash ,
you flipped in a dash,
But that's okay,
I've been alone for many days ,
in many ways,
Just didnt expect it from you,
Who knew.

Every time I see you I have one,
Every time we kiss I know it's coming,
Every time we have and adventure theres a dozen,
And every time I make you laugh theres more,
Every time see you there a moment or a dozen or a hundred.
But it's always there,
Just like the colors in your hair.
I love that with you these moments are endless,
And I'd love to continue them,
Let's make it relentless,
I love you for every moment we shared,
Every moment, relentlessly.