Some ideas birth inventions,
Other's fantasy,
Some spring forth wars,
Religion,
Love,
Greed,
Happiness,
And pain.

Ideas are lots of things,
For some they keep you in good spirits,
For others in bad mindsets,

Some ideas clash with other ideas,
Some people have ideas they cant figure out,
While others hate there ideas,
Some love the idea or have one,
And now you do to.

But my ideas good and bad ones,
Make a mess of what I say,
And sometimes when I know they clash,
I sit alone for a day,
But other times if there clashing,
I end up in a rage.

To save you from a drawn out story,
Ideas are mighty, powerful,  
Or boring.

Mind fighting its self,
Love is an enemy,
while my friend.

Plague myself with thoughts of distrust,
Lingering doubts,
created another massacre,
Of ideas.

Your worth is less then worth,
You are only meant to be hurt,
Accept this,

Thoughts scrambled to fight this,
But I have value,
I am here,


But I do hurt.


I reach for a hand and its warm
Embrace,
Only to find my self,
covering my face.

More thoughts of pain ideas of  nothing,
But my own thoughts are what eat me alive.

Ideas of you with another,
Screaming pain,
But then I wonder,
Its probably true,
And what's best for you.

I sit and wonder,
Thoughts,
And ideas,
Mash in a blender,
Straight to the center of pain.

Dwelling deep within my brian.

Deep within my brain.


I'm a monster for these thoughts,
Someone like you,
Someone so loving caring and true,

So I defeat myself again and again,
Ideas endlessly onslaught,
My emotions struggle,
But I stand true,
Knowing how much I do love you,

I fight my thoughts,
A pain you've mended,
Ideas fighting any form of love,
Its defensive thoughts,
that save me,
but hurt me,
but take me.

Shes not what my pain has created ,
And she isnt made if hatred,
My heart feels safe,
My mind will race,

These thoughts can consume me,
Avoiding the pain I feel but to me it is real until I beat it.

My mind is in disarray,
My thoughts clash with what's good and my past and I fear that for this I will lose you.

A dream of you hand in my hand our feet in the sand and those blue seas.

Your like a melody of calm warm loving,
Hums,
With a base beat,
down for some drums.

You make my heart flutter you lift me off my feet,
And because of this,
My brain ushers defeat,
Reasons to worry,
With no real reason,
Doubts still linger,
From an old spring season,

I'm sorry if I hurt you or doubt you to myself,
It isnt fair,
It isnt right,
And you deserve the works.

I'm trying to fix it,
But my mind has been torn,
My heart wasnt in peace's but my love it is worn.

Ash rains down,
Your eyes open as you can see the, mud ,blood and fire around you,
With all your might you push forward,
Pulling yourself across the waistland of dispare,
Sulphur burns the nostrils, and eyes,
But you'll push on,

Chest burning as you try to breathe,
Dieing with each gasp your stride on,
In time you see others, death breathing down there neck as he dose yours.

A million thing to say,
A billion ideas scrambled,
But your words,
" what's it mater?" ,
Remain clear,
So so what's there to say,
For a short time,
I got to make you smile,
And oh what a smile,
For a short time,
I got to make you laugh,
And what a memorable laugh,
But what's it matter?
3 days to make a connection,
4 to share a kiss,
6 to develop desire,
2 weeks to build up the joy,
And 3 weeks to build up emotion,
To me that's a beautiful thing,
Something wonderful,
Something cherished,

But what's it matter,
As my words fall short,
My actions contort,
My mind now distorts,

At a loss for words,
At least the ones that mean something,
If any did.

Awoken,

8 A.M.
Sun creeps threw those black out curtains,
As I gaze at the beams of light,
I think,

"The old house I once lived,
I'd look to the light beaming through,
And always see dust",

'Floating,"

"Lingering in the air,"

"Always reminding me,
of the dry old houses age,"

Its was calming,
"As calming to me as the ocean,
but so is this fresh air,
Of the new environment."

I check the time again,
8:12 A.M.
"I'll just close my eyes."

Awoken,

So Suddenly,

As the sound of five small engines,

  roars away outside my window,



The lawn crew,
"Must be the last day of the month",

9:15A.M.

I grin,
A light chuckle,
As a speak quietly to my self,

"Thanks for the good morning fellas"

I step out back to my patios,
Morning air fresh and crisp,

Not as fresh as the air,
Floating  around you at sunrise,
But still,

I close my eyes and take in the warm air,

"Today will be beautiful ",
" and I will enjoy it to my best",

My days usually start with a quiet but confident comment to start with,

Something to help start on a positive note,

Its something I started long ago with my sibling,

But I just never stopped,
Once in a while we need that boost,

From us to our selves.


And so I sit and think about my day before  and my day tomorrow,  lightly putting any intrestes in today,

I breath out a sigh of relief,

"Today's my day,"


I look out at the ducks I've been feeding,
As they start to swim,

" a swim sounds good to me to",

I smile,

I'll have my coffee or a tea, and think of the flavors,

The scent of my coffee and the sweetness in its froth,

Or the green tea and honey, maybe to much honey,

" I'll chuckle"

But I am calm,

Happy,

Sound,

And calm.

"Breakfast?", " i am hungry",
"Eggs and bacon,  a blt?,
Maybe a pb&j,  oh how about a smoothie?"

All the choices I'll make today will make me,

happy,

Calm,

Sound.

I know what the problems are, I know why.
You have something you care about, so do I, you have someone you cherish and keep dear to your heart, and so do I.
These things I understand in complete fruition.

I do not challenge them, not do I intend to replace anything, I know that isn't what you want, nor I.

You, to me are someone of a different nature, a chance encounter, that I won't let slip.

I care and love and want and crave, if not the same, then more then the next.

I had decided long ago I liked you, I've resisted the want to try, simply because I didn't think you'd want me to.

But now this switch has been hit, and I don't want to stop.

I understand these small complications we have, but I understand the care and compassion, the attention and affection.
And I want to embrace it in full.

You to me deserve that, or more, and more.

But that's the complication, you can have, but can't take, you can want but can't yet act, and I know, I know all to well.

Witch just make me want this more.
You more, your smile that laugh those eyes, do you understand I like you?

Maybe more then I say, maybe less then you know.
But I care.

And due to the small situation, of our creation, we have a complication, but that's fine.

My love, you don't realize how much,
Exactly how much, I love you.
There's a billion moment in every aspect of being at your side I notice, I love and I appreciate, all of them, every one.
There's a trillion reasons why I still love you more by the day ,tomorrow ten trillion more.
There's never enough days in a year, or hours in a day, seconds in a minute, with you near.
Time is never enough, but just enough for love to grow, and continue to.
Your laugh, smile, eyes and the million other things, I will continue to fall in love with, I've loved you since the day the clocks started and the sun's light first shined, and I'll love you until the last second stops, and the moon comes crashing down, and I love you forever after.