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Suicide before I die
Wont be long, dont worry why
Suicide before I die
Its not easy coming home just to cry

So one last drive where i grew up
Burn outs here, and broken love
Fist of anger, and painful rage
Finally no more tears on my page

Pet my kitty just one more time
Ill see her soon so its not goodbye
Clean my room so they dont see
the mess and stuck dirt is really me
Pray to God and hope to die
You make no mistakes but what am i?

So suicide before i die
Wont be long dont worry why
Suicide before i die
Its not easy to see and cry

Blurry vision while shifting gears
Weight lift off my shoulders and no more fear
A sense of relief comes over my head
I can tell its almost my last breath

Play it off as just an accident
Few understand she is how i vent
I love too hard in this world of darkened depths
Hard to communicate when choking on death

Suicide before I die
Wont be long dont worry why
Sucide before I die
Its not easy and the pills dont lie

One last dance with my true love
I hope he knows he was the one
His kiss gave me life but not enough
Im sorry baby i know this is tough
May 11th 03:00,
Speeding 140 with a peacful mindset
You were my only happiness
You win you love me mostest

Im happier now and i promise you this
Ill hug you tighter, you will be missed
Tell my family i love them a lot
This is a battle that cannot be fought
Please dont cry
For you i tried

So suicide before i die...
Wont be long dont worry why
Sucide before i die
Its never esay, but youre always mine
Sucide before i die
It doesn't hurt and i know why
Its meant to be like my love for you
An endless bottle flowing through through
I love you to death cant you see
So suicide before i die
Wont be long dont worry why
Sucide before i die
Theres no such thing as goodbye
GothicKitty1905 Jun 2022
You ever get stabbed in the back? I'm sure you understand, when reality comes back and grabs you by your hand. When you lose everyone, and you don't quite get it, his love is so comforting, you will never forget. He is someone to trust, because he is the way the truth and the light, and trust me he knows youve put up a fight. But here's the thing, he wants you to fight more, he wants you to fight so hard that you may never have wished to be born. It's a hard challenge to take, but his gift is worth it, he is everything knowing. do you know where you're going? Hebrews 12:4
GothicKitty1905 Jun 2022
It's one of those days again... The ones where you barely find the strength to begin. With every waiting breath, I wish and want cardiac arrest. Everyday the struggle to even get out of bed, just eating feels like such an achievement. I'm finding it difficult to even vent, my emotions are filled with hopeless relent. It's one of those days again, starting it off too late in the day, and too many mistakes made to walk away. It's gonna be one of those days.
GothicKitty1905 Jun 2022
There are some days where life feels too easy, like sipping sweet, lemon tea just feeling the breeze. Even in winter, feeling that rush of cold air, an icy bliss, brushing against your face, thinking, "why can't every day be like this?". Those days of the rain tumbling down, supplying tears for when you feel down, somehow those days can feel empty as well... sometimes... that happiness gets blinded by reality, those happy birthday parties, with so many people and balloons, can somehow turn into the most loneliest times, the ones that will last, the memories that depression will claim as its own palace, its resting place. Most of these days got m feeling like Ethan Jewel, "Loneliness in the Presence of Company". Somehow it is all so comforting. Loneliness will become my only love, as if I'm being sent t a prison of four padded walls, only... i want to be there, because if I'm there than im not stuck here at least its quiet, and at least there aren't people to judge me, and there.. there  don't have to worry about friends, that turn into vicious backstabbing petty princesses.
#Ethan Jewel
GothicKitty1905 Jan 2022
He is so amazing, he is so peaceful, he is so powerful, he is forgiving, he is always there, he never abandons, he knows all pain, he knows all sin, he knows you, he knows your scars, he knows your struggles, he holds you tight, he provides warmth, he never loses sight, he is there when you mourn, he is coming without a doubt, so I hope you're ready, his plan is well thought-out.
GothicKitty1905 Jan 2022
C.oming
H.ome
R. evival
I.s love
S.acrificed
T.rust worthy
GothicKitty1905 Jan 2022
It's been years, and I've grown up so much, new years has brought a unrecognizable twist. Schooling is fine, relationship with Christ and family is fine, everything is perfect, checking every box on the perfect list. I'm completely caught up but somehow falling behind. I'm in such a perfectly straight line. Everything has been so perfect so how is it that i still feel so alone, so empty, so depressed. It's all so perfect. The only issue is that it's too perfect.... Even the purr.... Of the word holds me so warmly, but yet it strangles me with mental illness.
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