I stopped taking them
The pills
I didn’t want to rely on them
To be happy, but not too happy
Or to sleep, but not too much
And to eat the right amount.
I wanted to be able to do it by myself
Without the manipulation of my neurotransmitters
And surprisingly enough
I could
I can
I’m fine
Balanced
In a way I haven’t been in years
But I’m cautious
I lied to my psychiatrist
She doesn’t need to know
My mood could flip in an instance
I could spiral again
Loose control
And fall down the same hole I just climbed out of
So, she doesn’t need to know
I need the pills to still be there if I need them
If not for a change in my biology
But for the hope
That makes the fall bearable

Sundown
Sundown it’s another night
And I’m crying
My spirit is dying

My tears have been vanquished to a secret place
Where only those without form can taste them
Those with it, they call it a waste
It’s so lonely, lonely

Just then I remembered why I chose the hard way
Why I rejected wearing a fancy tux with a "pretty pink bow tie" and hiding behind mmoma's legacy
I remember clearly how and why I chose to write my own story
And to build my very own dynasty of success 

With no options and no money
Floating along with the debris
My only friends are the trees
Sundown it’s another night

And I’m trying
But dreams can only get you so far
Sinking like quicksand in the tar
Wink one last time at the stars

It’s so lonely, lonely
With no people and no true home
Floating along with the breeze
Waiting for sun-up to put me at ease